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Why would you even have that?

By Ellis - 06/09/2025 14:00 - United States - Ephrata

Today, I was on FB Messenger talking to one of my friends who is a pastor about getting together playing golf and I meant to send him an emoji in our conversation, but accidentally sent an emoji sticker of my wife and me doing doggystyle. I quickly deleted it on my side, but it was still visible on his side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 447

Bitter

By Whoops - 12/09/2025 00:00

Today, I gave my kid a cough drop for his sore throat. He complained about the flavor, but I told him to hush and take the medicine. Later, I had one and was shocked at how bitter and medicinal it tasted. I owe him an apology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 374

Suspicious minds

By Embarrassed boss - 17/09/2025 09:00

Today, I saw one of my employees sipping from a beer bottle at work. I marched to his desk, snatched the bottle, and said, "Drinking on the job? You're fired. Get out." I then looked at the bottle. It was kombucha. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 772

Cousin Ricky

By How about "no"? - 20/10/2025 03:00

Today, my mom cussed at me because I denied my struggling cousin a job at my company, and now it's my fault he and his family will suffer and starve. He was fired from his former job as a payroll officer, and is now blacklisted. Over 30 people got zero on payday, as he later went Living La Vida Loca with his "bonus". FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 57

CREEPY!

By Anonymous - 21/10/2025 22:00

Today, my father-in-law confessed during dinner that he watched me and my wife have sex that morning through the window. He even more awkwardly brought it back up later that evening to say I seemed very good at it, and tried asking for details about me and my wife’s sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 556

You deserved it 81

Pile up

By Fitz - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a woman drove through my house. She was texting and eating watermelon at the same time. I didn't know that was even possible, but now my house is condemned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134 576

You deserved it 6 254

Big baby

By Grow the fuck up, boy! - 29/10/2025 00:00

Today, I told my 15 year-old son that I was taking my wife to a fancy restaurant for her birthday, so he would be on his own tonight. Most teenagers would play video games, watch porn, and sneak a beer, which I would be okay with. He started crying and asked why he was "left out", then clung to my wife's leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 182

WAP

By Frustrated - 30/10/2025 20:00

Today, my husband bought me a remote-controlled vibrator, put it in my underwear, and spent the entirety of our date night making it vibrate. I was soaking wet and ready to get fucked. Too bad he drank two bottles of wine during the date and fell asleep the second we got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 96

The great escape

By Ethan - 13/11/2025 22:00

Today, I decided to start jogging again for the first time in months. I made it one block before tripping over the curb. I fell so hard, my phone flew out of my pocket and hit a parked car, setting off its alarm. I ran off when I saw house curtains all around me start to twitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 283

You deserved it 124

Movie night

By Boo! - 14/12/2025 03:00

Today, I tried to sneak a burrito into a movie theater by hiding it in my jacket. Halfway through the trailers, the foil popped loudly, and the burrito slid out and rolled down the sloped aisle like a tiny log. The theater lights were still on, people turned to watch, so I pretended it wasn’t mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 514

Nothing to see here, move along

By Anonymous - 22/12/2025 22:00

Today, I rushed to work after spilling coffee on my shirt and thought I’d dried it enough. Under the office lights, it looked like a giant brown stain. Three people asked if I was OK. I spent the whole day hunched over my desk pretending nothing was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 260

You deserved it 98

It's the new thing

By Anonymous - 31/12/2025 20:00

Today, my 14 year-old son got into a fight with his 15 year-old cousin. I say fight, my son just practically lamped him into orbit. When I yelled and asked why he did that, my son said, "He was mogging me." I had to get my phone out to look up what that even meant. I'm still not sure what it means. FML

I agree, your life sucks 277

You deserved it 75

Where am I?

By Anonymous - 11/01/2026 12:00

Today, I tried to unlock my front door before realizing I was at the wrong apartment, on the wrong floor of the building. The actual resident opened the door while I was still jiggling the handle. This has happened twice now since I moved in a month ago and am still confused by the floor signage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 306

Kinda unkind

By Anonymous - 15/01/2026 00:00

Today, I got broken up with over text/phone after dating for 3 months (I thought he was the one), all because his parents want him to marry "his own kind." He told me because of that there was no future and he would just be wasting my time. It's a stupid reason, and he's a coward. Here I am crying over him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 317

You deserved it 156

Unstable

By Lala - 22/01/2025 04:00 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, after agreeing to hang out with my husband and his alcoholic mother after his father’s suicide, my mother-in-law found out that my sister-in-law and I playfully insult each other. She lost her mind and practically bit my head off, relapsed, and blamed my “disrespecting her daughter” on said relapse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 65

You've pulled

By Anonymous - 27/01/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom - Warrington

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to have some fun at around 3:00 am and during our fun I flipped her over quite roughly and, as she landed on the bed, I'd accidentally dislocated her shoulder. For the next 2 hours we didn’t know whether to call an ambulance or her sister, so we had to put it back in place ourselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 196

You deserved it 398

Bad date

By I hate chuds - 12/02/2025 20:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was hit up to "Netflix and chill" by a guy I hang out with, so I dressed up real nice and went over. Unfortunately, the "Netflix" was actually watching Joe Rogan, and the "chill" was smiling politely whenever he would say, "He's right, you know?" and figuring out how and when to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 155

Manifesto?

By Anonymous - 04/03/2025 01:00 - United States - Grand Junction

Today, I woke up to news that a document had been made about me and about 50% of my friends left me behind after reading it. None of the alleged acts are true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 404

You deserved it 97

Sneaky

By Blindsided - 22/04/2025 18:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years is cheating on me. A friend had brought this to my attention. She was under the impression that we broke up because she’d seen stories of him and another woman. I found out he changed his story settings to hide the specific posts with that other woman from me only. FML

I agree, your life sucks 526

You deserved it 70

All dolled up

By Sheila - 26/04/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I ordered a designer jacket online. When it arrived, it was doll-sized. It turns out that I bought a limited edition meant for action figures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 487

Everything computer!

By Anonymous - 09/05/2025 08:00 - Australia

Today, my computer decided to upgrade to Windows 11, moments before I presented to dozens of people. I had to go solely by memory with no notes, graphs, or illustrations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 496

You deserved it 122

Remember to update your stuff

By Billy - 10/05/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I tried to log in to my bank account but couldn’t remember the password. I clicked "Forgot Password?" and it asked me for the security question: “What is your pet’s name?” I've had several pets since I created the account, and forgot where I had updated it. Now I’m locked out of my bank account, with no idea who I am anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 407

Bummer indeed

By Keerah - 18/05/2025 01:00 - Russia - Kolomna

Today, after being an "expert" in autism for over 40 years (yeah, I'm not a doctor, just autistic) I thought I'd seen it all. Bad relations, failed friendships and job interviews, etc. Now I find out there's such thing as a regress and I might completely lose the ability to talk. On top of that I'm losing my eyesight. Bummer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 114

Nepo baby

By Anonymous - 19/05/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad got promoted and ended up as my boss. I thought I’d finally have a manager I get along with, who could maybe throw a few perks my way. Nope. Dad was very clear that he was going to be a complete bastard to me at work to make absolutely sure no one could accuse him of favouritism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 138

The old switcheroo

By Anonymous - 21/05/2025 08:00 - United States

Today, I’ve had to get the police involved since I’ve been harassed, stalked, berated, and threatened by the wife of the man I was seeing. It doesn’t matter that I have hundreds of texts, DMs, and his dating profile that says he’s a SINGLE dad whose wife died tragically. She’s still coming after me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 605

You deserved it 134

Easy on the Chardonnay

By Anonymous - 11/06/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I gave a speech at my best friend’s wedding. I wanted to say, “You both look beautiful together.” Instead, nerves took over, and I blurted out, “You both look beautiful naked.” In front of 100 people. And a priest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 193

You deserved it 386

Safe and sound

By Anonymous - 22/06/2025 05:00 - United States - Western Springs

Today, I was expecting new computer parts so I can upgrade my hardware. I was hoping they would get here before I had to leave for work, but they showed up half an hour after my shift started. Now I have $700 worth of computer hardware sitting on my porch for my whole shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 134

All alone

By Anonymous - 04/07/2025 11:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I have no friends because I have severe anxiety and severe social anxiety. I thought I had family but as it turns out, my family is trying to get rid of me by sending me away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 130

Yay!

By Anonymous - 21/07/2025 00:00 - Germany

Today, I got out of work, and just wanted to relax after a stressful day. Instead, I came home to a surprise birthday party that my boyfriend set up. My birthday isn't even until next week, and I secretly hate two of the people he invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 402

You deserved it 212

I hate these machines

By Mortified - 31/07/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, the self-checkout machine at the grocery store kept yelling, “PLEASE PLACE ITEM IN BAGGING AREA” while I frantically tried to scan everything. An employee came over and said a bit too loudly, “Ma’am, you have to scan the condoms before bagging them.” Of course there were people around to giggle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 152

You deserved it 426

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I found out that my boyfriend was going to propose to me about three months ago. I was completely surprised and asked why he didn't. At that time, I had told him to stop looking at me like that and go buy me some damn tacos. I was 2 months pregnant then. Now he wants to wait a couple of years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 267

You deserved it 42 412

Today, I woke up hungover and thirsty, I found a glass of water next to the sink, filled it up with more water, chugged it and went back to bed. I woke up an hour later to my best friend telling me she thought she lost her contacts. They were in a glass next to the sink. I ate her contacts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 077

You deserved it 43 464

Today, I was in the middle of a chemistry exam when I felt an urgent need to fart that was difficult to hold in. I sit in the back, so I tried to do the "One Cheek Sneak." It came out sounding like a loud, obnoxious kazoo. The professor remarked, "No hazardous chemicals outside the lab!" Everyone laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 248

Today, I expressed my feelings to a guy I've liked for a long time. He basically turned me down because I have the same name as his mom, and dating me would be too weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 597

You deserved it 2 171

Today, I walked into my apartment happy to see my dog. Instead of running to greet me, he ran straight past me to jump into the arms of my roommate, who had just walked in behind me. He wagged his tail like crazy while I stood there, rejected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 346

You deserved it 87

Today, I had to take my little brother to the pool. He acted like a brat the whole time, and when I told him we were leaving, he ran away, slipped, and hit his face on the tile floor. He told my dad and step-mom I punched him. They believed him, and I'm grounded for two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 583

You deserved it 2 030