By Banker - 30/01/2009 16:19 - United States
The Top
By laureri - 13/03/2015 21:45 - United States - Princeton Junction
laureri tells us more.
BIKES?!
By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States
Sneaky
By TheHarvardian - 25/10/2012 06:59 - United States - Ft Mitchell
By really - 13/11/2014 18:17 - Canada - Calgary
By highheelcyanide - 06/11/2014 01:11 - United States - San Francisco
highheelcyanide tells us more.
First of all, I am so excited that this got posted! Almost makes dating the jerk worth it! Also, all the comments are hilarious. To answer some questions, no, I most definitely am not pregnant. There wasn't even a scare. On the backstory, he wasn't *technically* my boyfriend, but we had been dating and things were going really great. He did all the right things and we had a great connection (or so I thought). So after a while we slept together, and enjoyment was had on both sides. Nothing seemed off for a few days, and then he gradually quit texting me and I never saw him again after that night. Live and learn, I suppose.
By Anonymous - 25/11/2015 06:57
By stanky - 22/04/2009 04:37 - United States
Rubbing one out on the sly
By Anonymous - 05/08/2015 17:56 - United States - Camarillo
By stonehengeva - 27/07/2015 03:00 - United States - Virginia Beach
By hungry - 15/08/2016 03:03 - United States - Waverly
By Anonymous - 02/04/2012 02:33 - United States
By Meghan - 22/02/2013 01:33 - United States - Valparaiso
Cost effective
By EmbarrassedDaughter - 23/05/2010 07:27 - Canada
By Crystal_Nicole - 14/12/2013 05:05 - United States - Wichita
Mid-life crisis
By theslutmuncher - 14/12/2012 23:20 - Germany - Merseburg
Thanks guys
By parentalnightmare - 16/04/2016 04:13 - United States - Laurel
By Anonymous - 17/10/2012 05:18 - France - Saint-renan
By ilu.xo - 13/01/2010 06:11 - Canada
By ima nerd - 25/12/2010 07:31 - United States
By scribbler8 - 14/10/2011 09:35 - Canada
By For - 28/12/2009 14:00 - United States
By Macysdayparade8 - 09/12/2015 04:01 - United States - San Francisco
Macysdayparade8 tells us more.
Op here. I was just trying to say that there are no obvious signs that I'm not from Georgia/from another country, where most people speak English.
It's alive!
By notmyrealname123 - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Kitchener
By WordBea - 26/10/2015 23:39 - United States - Philadelphia
WordBea tells us more.
Hello - OP here. I was helping at an event when this happened. First of all, I'd like to say that there was no way the kid just wandered off. His dad was in a parking lot looking for his stuff in his car at least 200 meters away. He just had his head up his ass. Second of all, I know it was wrong to not call the police or at least get some adult involved, but I'm only 14, and so I guess I wasn't jaded enough yet to realize any predator in the vicinity might see that as the perfect opportunity. For what it's worth, though, I saw a very close resemblance between the two, so at least that's something.
By notexactly - 23/04/2009 07:36 - United States
By me - 06/05/2013 00:56 - United States - Floresville
******
By anonymous - 04/09/2015 04:40 - United States - North Hollywood
By Rollymouth - 02/09/2010 01:26 - France
By Anonymous - 15/06/2015 02:54 - United States - San Francisco
Keywords
Hey OP here! To answer some questions, my husband does not have a sandpaper tongue, that would be awful! I didn't have huge bits of food just your regular after food residue. I usually do brush after meals but the itus was strong and I immediately fell asleep after the meal. And yes I brushed, mouthwashed, and flossed immediately after I woke up with a cat tongue in my mouth!! Repeatedly I might add. My cats are beggars, they will do almost anything for table food apparently licking my teeth is fare game. The comments made me laugh, so thanks guys. Cheers!