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By Peach - 02/03/2012 05:46 - United States

Today, I found one of my roommate's giant yellow toenail clippings on the counter next to the kitchen sink. When I confronted him about it, he told me the cat must have carried it out of his bedroom and put it there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 711

You deserved it 2 173

By popcorn - 27/04/2011 18:33 - United States

Today, I was watching a movie online. There was a 15 minute ad. 13 minutes into watching an ad about birth control, I noticed that there was a "skip this ad" button in the corner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 807

You deserved it 53 299

By TabbyCat87 - 09/04/2015 19:57 - United States - Arvada

Today, someone lost a support beam on the highway. My car found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 328

You deserved it 2 499

TabbyCat87 tells us more.

TabbyCat87 8

Friday 10 April 2015 7:41

OP here. My insurance was liability only and I'm having trouble tracking down who lost the beam. Might have to eat the cost myself. Not fun but thankfully no one was injured!

By Cat Ashes - 05/12/2013 05:18 - United States - Dewitt

Today, I received an unexpected package from my mother. It contained my cat's ashes. Apparently he died 3 weeks ago and she thought this was the best way to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 791

You deserved it 2 800

By SleepIsForTheWeak - 19/03/2015 16:41 - Canada - St. John's

Today, I had to work a double shift after my relief called in "sick" just so he could go to a party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 902

You deserved it 2 565

By FractalSanity - 01/02/2009 08:11 - Canada

Today, my best friend was crying because her boyfriend is a retard. I brought my thumb up to wipe a tear off her face, and somehow stuck it up her nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 640

You deserved it 11 491

By cooney7 - 03/11/2013 05:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a family meeting about opening up a business. During it, I had an allergic reaction and my throat began to close. Nobody tried to help. In fact, pictures were taken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 742

You deserved it 3 088

cooney7 tells us more.

cooney7 3

Sunday 3 November 2013 15:39

My allergy is known to both me and the family and my epipen was on hand as it always is. I never knew that the food contained ingredients I am allergic and as I said, my throat started to close and I was struggling to breathe. The reason wasn't because they're laughing at me or anything like that, 'my face was a great shade of red for the company logo'. They did help me eventually by injecting me. Weird story, I know, but my family have a track record of being idiots.

Bad game

By Dick the Greater - 25/10/2013 22:08

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents at a family dinner. There was plenty of alcohol on offer, as is normal at our get-togethers. She got blind drunk and ended up crying to my mum about how I can't please her because I have a small penis and my oral sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 475

You deserved it 10 389

By Username - 27/01/2011 17:40 - Romania

Today, I was running late for school because I had a huge stomach ache. To save on time, I took a taxi. When the taxi driver hit a bump, I lost control of my bowels and shit myself. Not only do I have to wash my underwear in the sink at school now, but I had to pay the driver extra to remove the smell from his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 136

You deserved it 5 712

By Sgt_Jackrum - 05/02/2016 10:27 - United Kingdom - Oldbury

Today, we had my grandmother with dementia round for tea. She looked me up and down and said, very matter-of-factly, "Well, with a figure like that, no one will rape you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 362

You deserved it 2 411

By Anonymous - 26/12/2010 06:04 - United States

Today, I think my friends were trying to tell me something with all my Christmas gifts being mostly perfume, deodorant, and soap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 647

You deserved it 30 545

Stuck

By crap - 19/06/2009 17:34 - United States

Today, I woke up extremely hungover. I couldn't find my car keys so I went out to my car to see if I had locked them inside. I walked back to the door of my apartment barefoot and empty handed, only to find that I had locked myself out of the apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 888

You deserved it 44 926

By Mellamononeyobiz - 13/01/2016 02:10 - United States - Hooper

Today, my mom smoked pot in my sister's bedroom while I was at school. When I noticed the stench, she blamed the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 174

You deserved it 1 638

By annababyyyy - 10/11/2014 05:01 - United States - Rockville

Today, my boyfriend pretended to be reading braille while touching my chest acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 675

You deserved it 7 486

By Anonymous - 10/12/2010 02:49 - United States

Today, after playing on the same basketball team for eight years with the same coach, he kicked me off the team to make room for my younger brother, who I taught to play basketball in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 745

You deserved it 4 287

By gettinghotinhere - 17/10/2014 18:29 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I climbed onto my boyfriend's lap and sexily told him "It's getting hot in here," and started unbuttoning my shirt. He said "Oh," pushed me off him, and went to turn the ceiling fan on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 846

You deserved it 6 889

By hipthrustdude - 18/05/2009 12:04 - Malaysia

Today, I got really excited at work over a deal I was about to close. I got up and started performing a rather obscene hip thrust only to notice a client sitting in the glass meeting room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 427

You deserved it 54 476

Sounds fun

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend was entertaining himself by shoving tampons up his nose and seeing how far across the bed he could blow them. This man is the father of my son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 090

You deserved it 10 467

By Anonymous - 25/05/2013 04:50 - United States - Clifton

Today, I locked my keys in my car. Good thing I went to Lowe's to make spares, which are also now locked in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 609

You deserved it 18 331

Seeing is believing

By Anonymous - 05/10/2010 10:46 - Sweden

Today, while taking a shower, I thought that the bathroom was extra steamy because of all the hot water. It wasn't until two-three minutes later when I put some shampoo in my hair that I realized I had forgotten to take my glasses off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 451

You deserved it 39 517

By Crappit - 06/10/2009 13:53 - United States

Today, my roomate thought it would be funny to take pictures of my morning wood and put it up on Facebook for everyone to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 497

You deserved it 3 385

By Anonymous - 24/05/2011 03:19 - Canada

Today, my boss contacted me to come in for a quick meeting. I drove 30 minutes to get to work only to find out she was firing me and wanted my key card back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 999

You deserved it 2 930

By fireenginemad - 10/02/2013 06:08 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my roommate found an eviction notice on our door for unpaid rent. Our apartment building caught fire and we haven't been living there for well over a month because it was legally unlivable. Today was our first day back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 350

You deserved it 2 188

Xenu approves

By sonofanut - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out my mom has been stealing from me to pay for Scientology courses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 700

You deserved it 2 472

By bubbles - 05/09/2009 23:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I worked my first day at a nursery. At nap time I spent about an hour trying to get all the kids to calm down and go to sleep. I'd finally got the last one to drop off, when my phone rang. Loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 704

You deserved it 41 113

Breaking news

By ApparentlyEmo - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom called asking for advice on how to flirt with her personal trainer. I thought she was joking and asked her what Dad would think. Turns out they're getting divorced. They decided this three weeks ago. No one told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 440

You deserved it 2 173

By Anonymous - 26/11/2012 05:45 - United States

Today, it's our third anniversary. After a candlelit dinner and a midnight boat ride, my wife turned down sex, because "it's too cliché." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 457

You deserved it 3 713

By Anonymous - 30/09/2013 16:23 - United States - Mulino

Today, while I was pet-sitting for my boyfriend's parents, one of their dogs killed one of their kittens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 562

You deserved it 5 508

By chipsotopher - 01/03/2016 19:14 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, in my marketing class, we were categorizing musical groups by their age group. Someone asked, "What's a Beatle?" As in "The Beatles". FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 953

You deserved it 1 677

chipsotopher tells us more.

chipsotopher 12

Sunday 6 March 2016 18:31

Hi everyone, OP here. Never thought this would get posted. I think the worst part of what happened was that only my teacher one fiend and myself seemed to have noticed. We stared at each other in silence for a bit before I asked my teacher if I could go walk it off. He let me.