The Top

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Mamaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

By Anonymous - 08/01/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I mistook my neighbor’s karaoke party for a heated argument and called the cops. When they arrived, everyone was in the middle of a dramatic rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 624

Not drunk, just sad

By literally for crying out loud! - 06/08/2023 14:00

Today I bombed a very important test. Being too upset to drive, I pulled into a lot and sobbed hysterically. A security guard tapped my window and demanded I move immediately. I tried to explain that I wasn’t in a state to drive, so he called the police on me. I was detained under suspicion of DUI. FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 249

Fidgeting

By Anonymous - 17/01/2025 09:00 - United States - Plymouth

Today, I was on a first date when my lactose intolerance decided to make an appearance. My date thought I was just “getting comfy” when I kept shifting in my seat. Nope, I was trying not to fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 92

Adulting is getting worse

By Anonymous - 13/08/2023 16:00 - Australia

Today, after years of living week to week, I finally got enough money that I could start saving. The universe found out and I got hit with a $2,000, a $300, a $400, and a $800 bill, all within the space of a week. Bye, bye spare money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 847

You deserved it 118

Bad boy

By Anonymous - 05/07/2019 14:00

Today, I went home for lunch. Upon opening the door, I smelled something horrid. My dog had opened his cage, eaten all the dog treats, and had diarrhea all over my bed and bedroom floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 709

You deserved it 310

Drawing a blank

By Anonymous - 04/03/2021 08:01

Today, I sat my end of year assessment. I was quite pleased that nothing I learned in my syllabus came up on the test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 114

Intelligent design

By Anonymous - 21/01/2025 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, our boss replaced all our computers with new Apple iMacs, which have fewer USB ports and none of our software or saved files. He insists it’s all “in the Cloud thing somewhere, figure it out and show some damn gratitude.” We are now incapable of doing our jobs but he insists he’s blameless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 546

You deserved it 67

Still funny though

By Jeff - 29/04/2022 02:00

Today, my wife and I were getting intimate with for the first time in a while, as I haven't been home, when the foul stench of our dog's fart made us gag. Mood ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 217

Supportive

By Burden - 12/03/2021 06:31 - India

Today, once again, my mom ranted about how she sacrificed so much for me by moving to a better city. I said it was for my education and to stop making me feel like a burden. She scoffed, "Right, you never should've been born. My mistake." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 257

You deserved it 176

Good boy

By Anonymous - 07/02/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, someone has been knocking at my back door all day then running away, driving me mad. Turns out, next door has a new dog and the knocking was actually the dog wagging its tail hard against their back door. This means it won’t ever stop, it’s going to keep banging that damn tail forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 116

Check your privilege, bucko

By nepotism gets you everything - 07/05/2022 20:00 - Australia - Epping

Today, while struggling to find a job that will accommodate my disabilities, an acquaintance ranted at me about how nobody wants to work hard, and they have to earn what they get. This chucklefuck works for his father, will inherit a multi-million dollar business, and bought his house from his aunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 150

You deserved it 158

Fresh start, sort of…

By robbed - 02/09/2023 22:00

Today, my ex-girlfriend from high school has been at her new college for a week. She broke up with me because she wanted to meet new people and leave high school behind her. That was understandable… until my best friend showed me texts from her trying to arrange to hook up with him when she’s back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 110

Taking liberties

By Squeak! - 12/05/2022 16:00

Today, I bought some mouse traps that instructed me to avoid touching them with my bare hands, as human smells would deter the mice from the traps. I was woken up at 2 a.m. by a mouse crawling on my head. I don't think my smell is an issue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 965

You deserved it 106

How did I get here?

By Anonymous - 03/09/2023 20:00

Today, I auditioned for and got a part in a small independent film based on the Count of Monte Cristo. I knew ahead of time it was a low budget remake, but I was surprised to be warned there would be a few soft sex scenes. When I got there, it was blatantly a gay porn movie set in an old dungeon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 144

Carry that weight

By Sally - 16/02/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend by jumping on his back for a piggyback ride. He wasn’t expecting it. We both ended up on the floor, and I owe him a new pair of glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 736

Vandalism

By Anonymous - 06/09/2023 08:00

Today, some kid was scratching the side of my car with a brick so I yelled at him, then I yelled at his parents. They didn’t speak English and when cops arrived they told me I should have been more understanding and I was lucky not to be charged with verbally assaulting them. WHAT THE FUCK? FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 116

A star is born

By Tito Pat - 18/02/2025 07:00 - Philippines - Bacoor

Today, I discovered that my niece is making a killing with her vlog's revenue by adding a small segment. It features hidden camera footage of her eccentric uncle's daily life: from various reactions while playing a video game, to singing like a dork while working out, and being a huge nerd at everything. It's me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 556

You deserved it 121

One thing at a time

By Anonymous - 01/03/2025 16:00 - United States

Today, I stuck my house key up my nose by accident. Why? I was taking them out to unlock the door and needed to straighten my glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 211

You deserved it 300

By cat - 07/08/2019 18:00

Today, I thought I was seeing double. My neighbours got a new dog, which is exactly the same as the other one, except that it hates me twice as much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 564

You deserved it 145

Never enough, never

By Anonymous - 06/03/2025 09:00 - United States - Newark

Today, I got promoted at work and was excited to tell my mom. When I called her, she immediately asked, “What does this mean for my retirement fund?” and then asked how much I was going to be making. I told her, and she responded, “Oh. That’s nice, but when are you getting a real job?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 95

Priorities

By elly - 08/04/2021 14:00

Today, I broke my toe and screamed, "Fuck!" My mom heard and yelled at me for swearing, while I laid on the floor in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 801

You deserved it 179

The language of love

By Anonymous - 22/09/2023 14:00

Today, and for weeks, I’ve had a rash of tiny little scabs all across my stomach and boobs. I’ve spent way too much money on creams that didn’t help, only to realise that my new kitten, when he is asleep on me and kneading my shirt with his claws, he was giving me hundreds of tiny scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 546

You deserved it 348

Crushed

By Anonymous - 25/06/2022 12:00

Today, I found out that my crush and best friend dumped her boyfriend, and she has been sexting two of our male friends who are married, with kids, and has started hooking up with a meth head. Guess I'm losing a lot of friends in the future… FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 165

Social anxiety sucks

By m…… - 09/04/2021 21:30

Today, it’s the third anniversary of me not being able to finish a single sentence when speaking in person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 154

Having a great time!

By indiemusicnerdgirl - 26/06/2022 10:00

Today, I have severe sun poisoning, a migraine, have been getting dehydrated no matter how much water I drink, and am on my period with horrible cramps. Yay summer! FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 171

Girl power!

By Anonymous - 22/03/2025 22:00 - Canada

Today, I was trying to break up with my boyfriend over text. I was being really careful to phrase it nicely, and I hit send with a sigh of relief. Except I sent the text to my mom, who now keeps sending me unsolicited advice about my "love life" with an occasional "You go, girl!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 589

No hope

By ForeverAlone I guess - 03/07/2022 19:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, after reading and listening to stories about cheating and failed relationships, I realized that my infatuation for a coworker has begun to dwindle. I don't think I'm psychologically strong enough to recover a failed relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 556

You deserved it 293

Emergency

By Ethan Sitzes - 25/06/2022 22:00

Today, I called into work because of a family emergency. My boss was understanding; my coworker? He tore me a new one because his wife wanted him to take the day off, which he didn't because it was going to be a tough day at work. He also threatened to find a way he could get me fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 128

You deserved it 111

Communication Breakdown

By dummy - 10/07/2022 04:00

Today, my hubby and I realised that the most excitement in our lives this week has been watching how far the disabled spider that got shut in the door has made it around our bathroom. We were both watching all week and have only just told each other. No communication and spider voyeurs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 729

You deserved it 251

Kinda vague but oddly specific

By sheslayedgames - 11/04/2025 16:00 - United States - Powell

Today, you talked loud enough for me to hear you calling me the bad guy, while we’re in the same house. The walls are paper thin. After 19 years, I find out our friendship was a lie? That you used me just to make my parents happy? And I find out now, three weeks before I move out? This is beyond hurtful. I can’t take this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 302

You deserved it 154

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The Top

Today, I told my husband that we should write down all our passwords so we don't forget them. Later, after he'd left, I pulled out his password sheet to do a little snooping, only to learn that he'd written them in some sort of bizarre cipher. What's he hiding? FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 1 244

Today, I saw a stick in my car and picked it up to throw it out the window. The "stick" turned out to have eyes. It was a dead lizard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 860

You deserved it 10 210

Today, and since we moved on base, my neighbor’s wife has tried to have an affair with me. I got tired of it and told him. He blew smoke. I found out she’s in a cheating wife’s club, who all defend each other. She proclaimed to all our neighbors that I’m a predator and I'd attacked her. They believe her instead of my wife, who saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 626

You deserved it 127

Today, I realised it’s been too long since my partner and I have had sex. How do I know? This is the third night in a row he’s humped me in his sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 1 089

Today, I called a tree removal company to have my diseased elm removed. When I got home from work, I was surprised to find it still there. Not as surprised as my neighbor was to discover that his tree was missing, nor as surprised as his children when they saw there was no more tree-house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 419

You deserved it 4 446

Today, I parked my car, went to pay for my spot, and returned to my car only to find a parking violation ticket tucked under the windshield wipers. This all happened in less than a minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 716

You deserved it 2 002