The Top

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Release the bees!

By Anonymous - 01/10/2023 10:00 - Germany

Today, as I was sitting on my terrace, I was wearing neither bright colors, nor any perfume, yet two bees seemed convinced that I must've been some type of flower and persistently tried to figure out where I was hiding my nectar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 587

You deserved it 117

Great parenting skills

By Anonymous - 01/10/2023 08:00

Today, I borrowed my adopted mom's laptop and found out that either her, my dad, or both of them, have been trying to research legal ways of un-adopting me and giving me back to the foster care system. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 120

You deserved it 134

Angry much?

By NeedANewWindshield - 24/08/2019 14:00

Today, some unprovoked drunk asshole tried punching a hole through the windshield of my car. While I was driving it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 633

You deserved it 102

Classic brain fart

By Anonymous - 19/04/2021 05:30 - Australia - Ballarat

Today, I lovingly simmered a chicken carcass, vegetables and spices to make soup. Two hours it took. After all that, I mindlessly strained out the chicken bones and let the soup pour straight down the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 130

You deserved it 603

Too good to be true

By Anonymous - 20/04/2021 08:00

Today, after being hella single through this pandemic, I was gently stopped by an attractive man on my way to the bus stop. He looked deep into my eyes, and I took my headphones out so I could hear him better. Then, he started moving nervously, took a breath… and offered me meth, before tweaking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 023

You deserved it 126

Overbearing

By LAAAAAAAZY - 24/06/2022 18:00

Today, thanks to years of verbal abuse from my mother, I can't even watch a ten-minute YouTube video without hearing her voice in my head, telling me to get off my lazy ass and do something. I can't afford therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 143

Good cause, bad knees

By Anonymous - 15/10/2023 22:00

Today, I took part in a charity run for a good cause. I'd trained for months and showed up, only to trip and fall flat on my face at the starting line. I spent the rest of the race with scraped knees and a bruised ego. FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 158

Full support

By Anonymous - 18/10/2023 15:00

Today, my wife invited 45+ people to her baby shower, but literally 4 people came. Now I get to deal with my pregnant wife and her fluctuating hormones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 214

Reign of terror

By scared shitless - 14/07/2022 04:00

Today, I've been getting terrifying threats all day. Why? I broke up with my girlfriend and turned her in to the police after she and her friends shared their plan to firebomb a church during Sunday school. I didn't know I was dating a terrorist. I might need a new identity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 235

You deserved it 116

Alexa, play "A Forest" by The Cure

By JesusLaidAnEgg - 10/09/2019 14:02

Today, I was driving around my campsite at dark in the middle of a forest. My father thought it would be funny to run up to my window, put his face against the glass and scream. I drove into a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 622

You deserved it 254

Accelerated obsolescence

By Anonymous - 17/04/2025 16:00 - United States - Warren

Today, my cellphone charger suddenly stopped working. I had it for less than 6 months and I don't do anything crazier than unplug the phone when I want to go out and plug it back in. The phone and outlet work perfectly, the inputs are clean, and the charger had excellent ratings from over 2,000 people on Amazon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 116

Small world

By Ashy.Kinz - 08/07/2022 20:00 - United States

Today, while visiting family in my very small hometown for the summer, I met a guy and we really hit it off. Everything was going great, and I brought him home to meet my family, where my grandmother told me he was 16. Now I’m definitely not getting lucky this trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 721

You deserved it 256

Worst father ever

By Dick. - 13/05/2021 22:01

Today, my father was watching the story on the TV news of a girl who was killed by an Uber driver when trying to return home. The only thing he said was, "Serves her well for being a slut." I have two younger sisters and one among them had a miscarriage after her abusive ex-boyfriend raped her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 650

You deserved it 140

I'm an empath

By SweetFriends - 29/07/2022 04:00 - United States

Today, I've started to dislike my friends. I'm in my 30s, play soccer, and was recently diagnosed with diabetes - mostly due to genetics - but the decades of poverty and eating restaurant mistakes didn't help. I treated my friend to a ball game and told her. She asked if I was being responsible, then ordered a second beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 613

You deserved it 339

Art installation

By Anonymous - 03/11/2023 03:00 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I discovered that if you cum down the sink every day for a year, it doesn't just wash away, it makes a gooey, half-cooked semen-baby that your dad has to pull out of the pipe when it gets clogged up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 761

Loveshack

By MoodKilled - 04/11/2023 09:00

Today, my girlfriends and I had planned a movie night. When she got home, she took her laptop and some snacks we prepared, and spent the evening playing online games. When I asked if I should wait for her, she told me to go and "watch some shit on Netflix, I don't really care" without looking away from the laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 531

You deserved it 116

Bad guy

By Anonymous - 07/05/2025 00:00

Today, my father got drunk and became crazy. He just kept talking nonsense and swaying while walking. It seemed like he was going to vomit. I hate him being like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 548

You deserved it 83

Bummed out

By Anon - 11/11/2023 04:00

Today, I tried to tease my boyfriend by pulling my skirt up, bending over, and backing up into him. He gagged and said, "Please, wash your ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 150

You deserved it 900

Bad timing

By Anonymous - 23/05/2021 08:01 - Norway - Trondheim

Today, I just came out of a two-year long depression. I'm finally starting to feel normal, so of course I get a message that my grandmother might have less than a year to live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 106

Logic

By tampon of doom - 27/05/2021 14:01

Today, I found out from a cousin why my older aunts treated me so differently when we were growing up. Apparently, my mom told them that when I was 14, I wanted to use tampons instead of pads. According to their backward, archaic logic, that meant I was sexually active. No wonder they hated me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 475

You deserved it 111

Murphy's Law

By Anonymous - 19/11/2023 06:30 - Germany

Today, I've had a shitty day and everything at work went tits up. I thought it'd get better when I get home but no, I smashed my fingers with my car door and now it hurts like hell, and my shitty day had just got even worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 136

Nature calls

By Anonymous - 29/11/2023 00:00

Today, I got to my log cabin after an hour's hiking. I lit the fire because it was freezing and my stupid dog sniffed the fire, looked me in the eye, then jumped right into the fire and knocked the logs everywhere. My cabin is now ashes and I had an hour's hike back to my car with my stupid dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 591

You deserved it 198

Fed up, leave me alone

By Anonymous - 03/06/2025 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, fed up with humans, I'd booked four weeks in a cottage 200 miles away from anyone I know. I’ve only been here a week when I got a knock on the door. It was my brother, his snobby wife, and three screaming kids, because he was sure I’d be lonely by now. They booked a hotel five minutes away, for two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 649

You deserved it 115

Overenthusiastic

By Anonymous - 09/06/2025 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I tried to pick my wife up and put her on the worktop for some oral fun, and when I say "tried" I mean I failed. My back spasmed for the first time in my life and I sort of threw her into the fridge door. I’m now in agony, she’s mad that I “think she’s fat”, and the fridge has a dent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 390

You deserved it 134

Touch grass

By Sanity’s End - 23/08/2022 00:00

Today, my friend started talking about Hunter Biden’s laptop, again. I told him if all that hearsay and conjecture is true, we should definitely never elect him to public office. His response? “No, you don’t understand…” and started all over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 357

Not cool

By :'( - 11/06/2025 17:00 - United States

Today, I pulled up my ex's socials so my girls and I could laugh at the gross fat chick he's dating now. I ended up crying because he looks so much happier with her than he was with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 1 172

Serial skid marks

By OverMyInLaws - 20/08/2022 06:00

Today, my sister-in-law recently spend the night to hangout with my 7 year-old. She kept some of her clothes in his dresser. While doing laundry and sorting out clothes that no longer fit him, I found a pair of her shit-stained underwear shoved in the back of one of the drawers. She's in her 40's and this isn't the first occurrence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 077

You deserved it 138

Better late than never

By Anonymous - 15/12/2023 00:00 - United States

Today, it's been a year since the man I loved for more than a decade moved in with me. I felt so lucky at the time, only to suddenly notice more and more that he's a huge racist. Against MY race. Bye bye decades of my wasted time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 599

You deserved it 258

What's Charlie Sheen up to these days?

By Anonymous - 16/06/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my brother, a real Alan Harper-type of snivelling parasite, has been sleeping on my sofa for over a week since his girlfriend threw him out. If I kick him out, the guilt will eat me alive, but now my wife has informed me I’m never getting sex again until he’s gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 211

He's not??

By Anonymous - 22/12/2023 08:00

Today, my daughter ran up to an old man with a white beard and a red sweater because she thought he might be Santa. He was a homeless dude, drunk at 9 in the morning. He told her to either give him money or f**k off, then screamed at her that "Santa’s not real, grow up r*tard." She’s still crying FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 240

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The Top

Today, I had red eyes from crying, and everyone assumed that my mom, who has been seriously ill, had died so they tried comforting me. It was quite embarrassing to have to tell them that it was because I'd just watched the last episode of season 4 of Veronica Mars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 253

You deserved it 720

Today, I had a job interview, for which I spent hours preparing. My interviewer was nothing more than a pimple-faced teen, and after only two minutes of reviewing my qualifications, he lost interest and started asking such questions as which Hogwarts house is my favorite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 955

You deserved it 3 191

Today, at my gender reveal party, my daughter threw a huge temper tantrum and knocked over tables and chairs screaming, “Fuck this shit!” when the reveal came out pink. She’s five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 1 269

Today, I came home from a stay at my girlfriend's place. My little brother stepped on my bag and accidentally switched my vibrator on. I told him the buzzing sound was my electric toothbrush. He went to the bathroom and came back with the toothbrush. He won't stop asking what's in my bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 210

You deserved it 5 603

Today, I woke up to my cat slowly dragging her paw across my face. I opened my eyes to see a bloody mouse dangling an inch from my face. It was still twitching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 910

You deserved it 4 047

Today, I realized that the only male that has ever been in bed with me has been my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 178

You deserved it 6 941