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Bitch better have my money

By Anonymous - 29/03/2022 06:00

Today, after I started living with siblings to save money during pandemic, one of them has struggled to pay rent and after 2 years now owes me $10,000, which I will likely never see. I told him this is an unfair living situation, and will not be extending the lease. Now he's acting like a victim and treating me like an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 134

You deserved it 194

Which one?

By Anonymous - 05/12/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I was grocery shopping when a little kid pointed at me and yelled, "Mommy, look! It's the man from the cereal box!" I don’t know whether to feel flattered or insulted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 359

You deserved it 101

By Anonymous - 21/05/2019 18:00

Today, my walk of shame may have been caught by the Google car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 723

You deserved it 663

Bro, do you even lift?

By Anonymous - 30/01/2021 17:01 - United States

Today, I sprained my bicep. The urgent care doctor told me to take it easy on weight lifting. When I told him I hurt myself holding a book, he had to leave the room because he couldn’t stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 258

Hangry boi

By Anonymous - 11/04/2022 14:00

Today, thanks to my wife’s obsession with expensive foods like chutney, relishes, exotic spices, and preserved foreign vegetables and herbs, I'm literally staring into a fridge full of glass jars, with a door that barely stays closed, and yet has nothing inside suitable to eat for my dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 226

Strangely specific

By Anonymous - 12/07/2023 10:00

Today, it's been 2 years of finally being on the right dosage of thyroid medication and going to the gym. I'm now 130lbs down from my heaviest weight. I just received an unprompted invite to be an event model at a local dungeon that only caters to fat fetishists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 188

Praise the Lord!

By EpicOracle - 13/02/2021 13:57

Today, I woke up to my friends-with-benefits asking me why I didn't pray after waking up. We had an all nighter and I don't even know if that's something to be worried about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 207

By Weedle - 04/06/2019 20:00

Today, I was at my brother's graduation. His mom was taking pictures of him in his cap and gown, but she got a picture of me sucking off a Coke bottle for a laugh, and she posted it on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 1 932

Backstabbing

By Anonymous - 14/02/2021 00:30

Today, I was chilling with my best friend and suddenly I got a text from my ex saying he wanted me back. My best friend saw the text and said, "Don't go back with him, you deserve better." I wanted to go back with him but I didn't. Later, I saw them hanging out and turns out they're dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 316

You deserved it 151

By Username - 05/06/2019 20:00

Today, at the beach, I swam pretty far out into the ocean. I ended up getting pummelled by the waves and got a painful cramp in my leg. The whole beach watched me flail and scream, while my friends rolled their eyes as they dragged me out of the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 462

You deserved it 945

If you tolerate this, then your children will be next

By single again - 15/05/2022 14:00

Today, my now ex and I had a fight because I refuse to tolerate his best friend's raging misogyny and racism. I told him that laughing at those jokes and tolerating those behaviors is just as bad as him doing it himself. He claims it’s not, because he’s dating me and I’m half black so "it’s OK”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 212

You deserved it 306

By ihasnoafroanymore - 10/06/2019 12:05

Today, I was working at my job at a McDonald's. I was on my break, so I went to use the restroom. When I finished, I tried to open the door, but the lock broke. I was stuck in the basement bathroom for 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 754

You deserved it 176

Too tired for this shit

By Anonymous - 30/07/2023 00:02

Today, I met a girl at an airport before an early flight, after I’d only had 3 hours sleep. She moved here for a job in radiology. We joked, laughed, flirted, and parted ways. I told my friend, who asked why I hadn't get her number. I joked I would’ve if she'd been a doctor. He then says, “Radiologists ARE doctors, duh!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 1 516

Holy eyesight, Batman!

By Anonymous - 05/08/2023 22:00

Today, I thought a cute guy was checking out my ass, so I cheekily bent over a little to give him an eyeful. He walked over to a shop assistant, pointed at me and left. The assistant then informed me, “Miss, you’ve torn your trousers, your knickers are visible, and, um, apparently you have a skid mark.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 266

You deserved it 1 254

Judge not lest ye be judged

By DV. - 27/02/2021 23:01 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my girlfriend and I, who are both heavy set, went into the pharmacy and asked if they sold any over the counter antidiarrhetic medicine. The store clerk, eyeing us up and down, said, “Uh, sorry, we don’t have antidiabetic medicine.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 023

You deserved it 303

Stressed out

By Anonymous - 07/08/2023 06:00

Today, I was supposed to fly home for my dad's funeral, but the woman in the seat next to me was so obese, her bulging flesh left absolutely no way for me to sit in my seat. I complained to the stewardess, who then forced me to leave the plane just for raising my voice in frustration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 509

Productivity at all costs

By Sick boi - 07/08/2023 07:00 - United States

Today, I got yelled at for calling in sick to work. My boss said, "I still came to work when I had pneumonia. You'll live." Uh… that's not impressive or motivating at all. That's downright stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 114

FML's Showdown #11

By Louis - 31/05/2017 17:25

Another chance for you to pick your winner of the week. So, who does it for you?

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 133

That joke isn't funny anymore

By Anonymous - 13/08/2023 00:02

Today, I told my husband that as I wasn't hungry, he had to cook for himself. He rang my Spanish stepmother as a joke to complain that I’m not wifey material. She showed up, whacked me with her Chancla, and browbeat me into cooking. He feels hella guilty, but he’s still a dead man once she leaves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 315

Clean

By Anonymous - 22/04/2022 01:30 - India - Hyderabad

Today, in the entire half-hour since my mother-in-law reached our home, she's inspected and criticised every aspect of our home, despite things being spot clean. And sermoned me non stop on how to "live". My husband still wonders why I don't want her visiting. It"s going to be a long two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 114

By Anonymous - 06/07/2019 04:49

Today, I set up a date between my roommate, who I'm in love with, and his crush, who I'm jealous of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 243

You deserved it 1 018

Protip

By sleepless - 27/05/2022 20:00 - Australia - Epping

Today, after medication, relaxation, sleep hygiene, and various other remedies for my insomnia failed, I've resorted to listening to an alien conspiracy podcast to fall asleep. The content is so insane and his voice is so monotone, I swear my brain shuts down in protest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 111

Fake it til you bake it

By Nathalie01 - 23/01/2025 20:00 - United States - Chattanooga

Today, I surprised my boyfriend by baking him some cookies for the first time. He took a bite and said, "Wow, these taste exactly like the ones my mom used to make!" I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd used a store-bought mix, because I can’t bake to save my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 312

You deserved it 201

Hot hot hot

By Anonymous - 03/06/2022 12:00

Today, I'm in hospital. During date night, after sex was over, I reached for my whiskey. I was already so drunk, I accidentally picked up the lit candle which was in a glass roughly the same size as my whiskey glass, and poured melted wax in my mouth, up my nose, and in my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 2 309

Fruity party

By Anonymous - 19/08/2023 06:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I went to a costume party dressed as a pineapple. As it turned out, the theme was "tropical", not "tropical fruit". Everyone else was in Hawaiian shirts while I stood there looking fruity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 348

Make it stop!

By Anonymous - 04/06/2022 19:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I've finally accepted that my parents do not love me. They constantly do things that I hate, then casually remark to other people, "I think he's mad at me now." They also know my hearing is insanely hypersensitive, yet they're still obnoxiously loud for no apparent reason all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 237

The doctor will see you… soon

By Anonymous - 09/06/2022 10:00

Today, I spent several hours sitting in the ER hyperventilating from pain and passing out, due to a herniated disc in my back. I had to watch at least 5 people go ahead of me, whose only complaints was that their stomach hurt or they felt nauseous. One of these people had a bag of snacks with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 980

You deserved it 178

By novdestiny - 30/06/2017 16:00

Today, I discovered that, because my boyfriend has locked himself out of his car so many times, he now keeps a coat hanger to break in. He keeps it IN the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 310

You deserved it 379

It's called getting old

By Anonymous - 06/05/2022 00:01

Today, and since the pandemic started, I have gained back 80 of the 150lbs I painstakingly lost via diet and exercise in the 5 years leading up to the pandemic. Despite trying multiple methods that worked before and some new ones, I cannot seem to stop the weight from piling on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 212

Thicker than blood

By fat fat fat fat fat - 23/03/2021 05:01

Today, despite the fact that I’ve been battling cancer for the past year and was hospitalized for Covid, all my family can talk about is how much weight I’ve gained. Yeah, not like being out of work, quarantined and on a ton of meds has anything to do with it. Thanks guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 405

You deserved it 113

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The Top

Today, I was holding our weekly poker game with a few work buddies. My psychotic, live-in mother-in-law wasted no time jumping into the game, cheating me out of $150, my new wristwatch, and what little pride I had left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 147

You deserved it 10 608

Today, I realized I'm so scared of my manager that I don't even dare to quit my job. The same job I want to quit exactly because I'm so scared of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 827

You deserved it 10 383

Today, I got so bored that I ordered my DVD drawer from awesomest to non-awesomest. I need a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 946

You deserved it 6 838

Today, I decided to hit on a very attractive girl. I guess I was too drunk to remember it was my family reunion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 901

You deserved it 47 434

Today, I told my girlfriend that I didn't feel wanted. Then she talked about how her cat puked on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 512

You deserved it 3 472

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. I also found out that the dad has a fiancée. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 822

You deserved it 671