The Top

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Are you ready to ruuuuuumbbbbbble?

By Mr.Incognito-san - 19/11/2020 02:02

Today, I heard my sisters fighting downstairs, so I went down to see what all the commotion was about. As I entered the room, one of them picked me up and threw me at the other one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 1 265

Remember the promise you made

By Anonymous - 12/03/2022 02:00

Today, my mom decided to go against every promise she's made to everyone once again and left us in financial ruin. How? She took advantage of my kindness, and didn't pay any of the money she owes me for driving my car, and for so much more. I'm more than $2,000 in debt now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 246

Home Improvement

By coius - 29/11/2020 01:03 - United States - Lincoln

Today, our washing machine broke and dumped around 100 gallons onto the floor. My dad had installed crappy water valves and we couldn’t turn off the water. I called my dad and he accused me of lying. His “repairs” have now caused 5 major disasters in our home due to his shoddy and cheap work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055

You deserved it 321

Spill the tease

By Anonymous - 07/05/2023 18:00

Today, my girlfriend teased me by asking if I wanted to fuck her best friend in the ass. Obviously it was a joke, but now I can't stop thinking about it and I know it will never happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 1 115

Genius

By Huh??? - 23/02/2022 14:00

Today, my girlfriend was in a pissy mood because she said none of her friends have been texting to check on her lately since she changed her number. I asked if she gave the new number out. She said that no, she wanted to see who cared enough to call and ask for her new number. She doesn’t get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 236

You deserved it 229

Look before you leap

By lemonlime66 - 01/03/2017 22:00

Today, while sitting in a busy store waiting area with my brother, he went to the bathroom and came back with his hands cupped, saying he found a mouse. He then threw it on the magazine in my lap. I jumped up, screaming and flailing about while everyone stared and laughed. It was a piece of cotton. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 749

You deserved it 1 212

By Mary - 05/03/2019 18:00

Today, I tried to go down the stairs two steps at a time. I slipped, fell flat on my ass, and busted my lower lip against my overbite. When I tried to get up, I realized I had also peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 059

You deserved it 1 415

Argument ender

By Anonymous - 14/10/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I was arguing with my girlfriend when my dog brought me a squeaky toy and tried shoving it into my hand so I could throw it for him. Out of habit, I grabbed it, but then it squeaked every time I tried to make a serious point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120

You deserved it 430

Keep it to yourself

By Anonymous - 11/03/2022 00:01

Today, my family is still telling me to "get over" the death of my great aunt. The great aunt who always gave the most wonderful birthday gifts, and was overall one of the most pleasant people I've ever met, and I'm NOT allowed to be sad that she's gone. Did I mention she died on my birthday? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 414

You deserved it 136

Meritocracy is a lie

By Anonymous - 30/05/2023 00:02

Today, we got a new manager in his 20’s who has never worked our industry before. His introductory speech included, “and you will respect me as your superior.” Our veterans have pranked him three times already and he blames me because mine is the only name he seems able to remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 127

Just Dependa Things

By Anonymous - 14/04/2022 13:00 - United States - Springfield

Today, I came home from a one-year Army deployment, only for my wife to tell me she feels claustrophobic with me in the bed. She then asked for a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 235

You deserved it 115

Shipping culture

By Anonymous - 07/03/2022 14:00

Today, my friend accused me of lying about being gay. Why? I happen to ship some m/f couples in the works of fiction I follow. According to her, gay people are inherently opposed to anything heterosexual, and therefore it shouldn't be possible that I like those ships. The kicker? She herself is straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 124

By Anonymous - 15/05/2019 20:00

Today, I saw what I thought was a cobweb right behind my head where I sleep. I went to wipe it off and part of the sheetrock dented in. On further inspection, they were holes in the wall. Termites started coming out of them like something out of a horror movie. My husband is out of town for the next few weeks, and I'm extremely bug-phobic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 104

You deserved it 240

Lazy git

By Anonymous - 18/01/2021 14:01

Today, my fiancé was offered a job by my boss working as a dishwasher. This is awesome, especially since he just got fired from his last job. When I brought it up, his reply was, "I don't want to work as a dishwasher." I guess beggars can be choosers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 047

You deserved it 229

Brainwashing

By Balla66 - 23/04/2022 16:00

Today, my mother got rid of all my anime DVDs and Manga collection, the reason being that she’s tired of me immersing myself with “ching chong cartoons” and she’s afraid I’ll turn into a “Beijing communist puppet.” Only 10 more months until I turn 18 so I can move the hell out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 422

You deserved it 207

Clay

By Anonymous - 10/05/2022 12:00

Today, even though I have the flu and can barely stand, I wanted to treat myself to something nice, so I baked cookies. Now guess when was the exact moment my taste buds suddenly stopped working? Yep, right when the cookies were done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 198

Sweet dreams are made of these

By Anonymous - 03/04/2022 11:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I found out my two favorite heterosexual female coworkers are cheating on their partners with one another. I kinda wish someone had invited me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 1 212

By Anonymous - 24/05/2019 06:14

Today, I worked a long shift at my job while feeling like crap, anticipating getting a promotion. As my boss was leaving work, he informed me that because I also go to college, the promotion was being given to another employee that I trained a month ago. This is the second time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 107

You deserved it 197

By Anonymous - 27/05/2019 10:00

Today, I pretended to have a heart attack so my baby sister would know when to call 911. When I fell down and started to pretend, she drank my soda instead of helping me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 1 742

Tales of the Unexpected

By maddyUnderstood - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I went into a job interview for Quizno's. The boss there talked to me for an hour and half about everything on God's green earth. She noticed I was a certified swim instructor. I left Quizno's with no job, but with an appointment to teach the boss how to swim tomorrow at 9 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 216

You deserved it 259

By whale14 - 06/06/2019 16:00

Today, I was in the newspaper for my soccer accomplishments. It was supposed to be my day in the spotlight. I went home to find out that my little sister had sprained her ankle in P.E. Not only did nobody in my family read the article in the paper, I'm now doing all of my sister's chores. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 914

You deserved it 239

Mix up

By Anonymous - 01/08/2023 06:00

Today, my husband presented me with a DNA test proving that our newborn daughter isn't his. Confused, I got her tested again. She's not a match to me either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 484

You deserved it 120

Bunch of bankers

By skippydoda - 25/06/2019 12:35

Today, I went to the bank to open an account. It took hours for them to tell me that I needed my driver's license, passport, and residency paper. I returned with the documents. They then said that they couldn't help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 730

You deserved it 157

Spinning out

By NeedALittleRoomToBreathe - 08/06/2017 16:00

Today, and for the past month, I've been feeling lightheaded from a breathing problem. I've now been prescribed a medication to help with my anxiety and my breathing issue, which would in turn help stop me from getting so lightheaded. The side effect of said medication: lightheadedness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 883

You deserved it 298

By Anonymous - 09/07/2019 04:00

Today, I finished hauling all of my possessions from another state, because I was supposed to move in with my girlfriend. I was just waiting to find a job. Almost as soon as my stuff was delivered, she broke up with me and told me to figure out getting it all back by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 106

You deserved it 228

By rhcp007 - 13/06/2017 17:00 - United Kingdom - Potters Bar

Today, I went to drop my little brother off at the nursery. As I walked in, a boy punched me in the dick and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 419

You deserved it 291

By Anonymous - 13/07/2019 04:30

Today, it was the first day after my promotion. Everyone, including myself, was shocked that I was promoted so quickly. I figured it was because of all the hard work and overtime I'd put in. However, my coworkers figure I'm just sleeping with the boss, and constantly glare and snicker behind my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 943

You deserved it 191

Not now!

By Vombride - 16/03/2021 08:00

Today, at noon, I'm marrying the love of my life. It's 4 a.m. and I can't stop vomiting and shitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 229

You deserved it 95

Dodged a bullet

By Anonymous - 10/06/2022 08:00 - United States - Morganville

Today, I saw one of the gay kids from my class getting picked on, so I tried to stand up for him. Not only did I get my ass kicked, but now my girlfriend thinks I might secretly be gay. Why? Because, in her own words, "Straight guys never defend gay guys!" She fails to see anything wrong with this mindset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 412

You deserved it 213

Masterchef

By WhatHaveIDone - 24/03/2021 11:01

Today, my daughter tried to make pasta by putting a pot on the stove, pouring the noodles in without adding water, and turning on the stove. Then she asked me, "How come these aren’t getting soft like when you make them?" She’s 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 730

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The Top

Today, I turned on my boyfriend's computer and saw pictures of all of my credit cards, front and back, and several of my parent's credit cards. I looked in his e-mail and found receipts for items which had been billed to me and delivered to him, including golf clubs and my birthday gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 114

You deserved it 6 483

Today, my fiancee and I had sex. Evidently, our dog didn’t consent because he destroyed my ear bud and tried to destroy my only pair of glasses during the act. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 135

Today, it was my college graduation ceremony. My parents didn’t come because they “forgot”, although I told them and had been reminding them for months. Last year was my little sister’s high school graduation. My parents wasted no time going to her ceremony and then took her out to dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 160

You deserved it 126

I'm just gonna walk away now...

I agree, your life sucks 267

You deserved it 108

Today, my boyfriend and I watched the new movie "The Purge." After the movie, I jokingly asked him that if the U.S. had such a purge in real life, would he participate, and who would he kill first. Without missing a beat, he said, "you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 081

You deserved it 8 657

Today, my daughter has spent the last few hours moaning that the boy she’s known since they were 4 years-old got a girlfriend instead of asking her out. She’s known him for almost 20 years. If she liked him all that time, she should have asked him out herself instead of moaning at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 107