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By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I came home from a month long vacation to find my house absolutely trashed with a lot of valuable items missing. Burglary? Nope. My dad, who was meant to be house-sitting for me, let the neighbour's teenage son have several parties there in exchange for weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 944

You deserved it 561

Follow the instructions

By mala_19 - 18/03/2020 20:14 - Sweden - Skellefte?

Today, I used a menstrual cup for the first time. When I took it out, a big chunk of dog hair came with it. I think I'm too grossed out to ever use it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 454

You deserved it 477

Happy Easter!

By Dummy - 01/04/2018 15:00

Today, I was stuck in the bathroom with no toilet paper in a family member’s house. I looked around and found baby wipes. I was saved! Unfortunately, they were actually Clorox wipes. The bleach gave me a chemical burn in my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 768

You deserved it 1 447

By .22 - 16/06/2018 04:00 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I brought a guy home for the first time in a while. Everything was going great, and we ended up breaking my bed. To clarify: we didn't have sex, we just broke my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 769

You deserved it 461

Snek

By Kiki - 12/07/2018 12:30 - United States - Littleton

Today, I found out that my roommate of 4 years is sleeping with my ex of 7 years. Yesterday, she showed up to court as a witness for him and lied on the stand to try to get the protection order dropped. She's on the lease, so I have to live with this snake for 2 more months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 431

You deserved it 314

Subjective

By whyyyyy - 17/05/2020 23:00

Today, after months of dating, I finally saw my boyfriend naked. Turns out he has a micropenis. I assured him that I like him for who he was and that we could explore other things. He said no, because oral and sex toys are "immoral." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 825

You deserved it 491

Three is the magic number

By KTBeck - 26/05/2020 14:00

Today, my husband returned from a hiking trip. We had "I missed you" sex and after we were done, he told me about all the ticks he had while on the trail. He then went to shower and while washing, he found a tick latched to his penis. I technically had a three way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 770

You deserved it 373

A writer writes

By Anonymous - 12/06/2020 05:05

Today, my boyfriend came across an old poem I wrote. I like to write horror stuff, but he was disturbed, called it “silly” and “sad”, and said he didn’t want to have a girlfriend who thinks about stuff like that. I'm now discouraged from becoming a writer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 762

You deserved it 226

By Nathan - 17/01/2009 22:31 - United States

Today, I printed my 10 page econometrics problem set questions out on $15/100 sheet ivory resume paper that I'd accidentally left in the paper tray on my printer. It turned out to be the wrong assignment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 703

You deserved it 18 640

Decisions, decisions

By Anonymous - 08/07/2020 17:00

Today, my marriage is one week away. Despite all the challenges we faced during COVID, we powered through everything. Today is also the day my work decided to tell me they're letting me go. I now have to either go on my improvised honeymoon or job hunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 648

You deserved it 145

Between a rock and a soft place

By Anonymous - 20/07/2020 23:01

Today, it's our eighth anniversary. My husband has struggled for a while with erectile dysfunction, and tonight he decided it wasn't worth trying. So now, he's sitting at home, soft, while I'm eating Taco Bell in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 848

You deserved it 312

By toomuchwork - 13/09/2018 01:30

Today, as I was leaving for a 2-week vacation after working my ass off for 2 years, my area manager handed me a project. It's a 3-week job, and he told me he needs it when I get back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 134

You deserved it 173

By 9inchsofty - 20/09/2018 14:00

Today, I took my truck through an automatic car wash. During the wash, the bristles on one of the automatic scrubbers ripped my metal antenna off of my car. The antenna was stuck spinning around in the scrubber, smacking and scratching the entire side of my car, top to bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 069

You deserved it 958

By ARGHHHH - 04/10/2018 05:00

Today, my mom ordered my birthday presents on eBay. Too bad she used my account, so when I went to look for ideas, everything she bought me popped up. It's so much stuff I don't want, need, or will ever use, and it's on my credit card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 477

You deserved it 365

Perfectly reasonable

By Anonymous - 25/11/2021 20:01

Today, my wife and I had arranged a threesome with a guy, but I was late home so they “had the threesome without me.” It’s not cheating, because I obviously knew she was going to have sex with him during the threesome, but me not being there makes me mad and I can’t coherently explain why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 962

You deserved it 2 635

By lel - 06/11/2018 13:30

Today, I got a blue screen of death on my brand new computer. Why? My parents installed an "anti-virus" before I got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 028

You deserved it 250

Not gonna happen

By how bout no! - 09/10/2020 17:01 - United States - Hesperia

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years said that he wants to marry and spend his life with me. But first he wants to go be wild and single for a few years before settling down. Not only does he not see a problem with this, he expects me to wait and be faithful to him while he “gets it out of his system”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 808

You deserved it 153

By tbreezy - 26/11/2018 14:00

Today, I called my ex-girlfriend to see if she would meet up with me so I could give her money to pay off the rest of the TV we had on layaway before we broke up. Turns out she cancelled it and took all the money I put into it. I put $500 down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 754

You deserved it 426

Puppy love

By Hotmama - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was nice to my son's friend. He's 27 and needs to get a life, so now he won't stop texting me and flirting. I will have to escort him back, not just to the "friend zone", but to the "I'm twice your age and your friend's mom zone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 565

You deserved it 726

By Unlucky - 19/12/2018 02:00 - United Kingdom - Bagworth

Today, I found out my ex gave me an STI. Today I also found out I'm allergic to the medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 083

You deserved it 547

Something about fish and cats

By ImaDbag - 12/05/2023 10:00

Today, I finally met my dream woman: a smokin’ hot green-eyed petite redhead. Or so I thought. I met her online and “she” turned out to be a 22 year-old guy trolling me. The worst part is that I separated from my wife for this girl. She won’t take me back no matter how much I beg and plead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 127

You deserved it 4 168

An FML Photo captioned by hoperpq. Well done!

By hoperpq - 28/02/2017 09:36 - France - Paris

Today, mom was finally convinced that grandpap is senile when he decided to "hunt" the deer head mounted on the wall with his shotgun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 373

You deserved it 187

The Bridges of Madison County 2: Electric Boogaloo

By mistreated mistress - 19/06/2023 10:00

Today, despite the fact that we love each other and are perfect together, my boyfriend still refuses to leave his wife. Apparently it will "mess his kids up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 120

You deserved it 2 892

By Anonymous - 21/12/2016 05:35

Today, I got stood up by all five of my friends. I had to spend two hours getting hit on by a guy because I didn't feel safe to drive home. Their excuse? They didn't think I was serious when I said I was already at the bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 444

You deserved it 761

Gratitude walks

By Anonymous - 06/02/2021 16:01 - United Kingdom - Blackpool

Today, my sister slept with my boyfriend while I was at work providing for the both of them as well as our child. I let her move in after our mother kicked her out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 706

You deserved it 182

By urinetrouble - 04/05/2017 06:00 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, while checking the men's bathroom at work, I noticed one of the air fresheners had fallen from the top of the paper towel holder into the garbage. It wasn't until I picked it up and examined it that I realized I was actually holding used urinal fresheners. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 451

You deserved it 1 608

By Ama_544347571 - 24/05/2017 16:00 - Sierra Leone

Today, a customer came to my shop and asked our shop assistant if we had Smart TVs. She replied, "No we only have LG and Samsung." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 098

You deserved it 427

By historyrepeats - 11/07/2019 04:00

Today, I woke up to a Swastika, "Go home" and "Trump2020" spray-painted on my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 639

You deserved it 326

By Laurita - 18/08/2017 04:30

Today, we started building our dream house. Next to my parents-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 378

You deserved it 804

Healthy lifestyle tips

By middleagednurse - 04/10/2017 23:37

Today, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room for what I thought was heavy bloody diarrhea. After having various implements and doctors' fingers shoved up my ass, it turns out I was only shitting out the family-sized bag of red spicy cheese curls I had eaten for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 588

You deserved it 4 157

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The Top

Today, I woke up to noises in my living room. I was scared, but I loaded my gun and snuck downstairs. I burst into the living room, yelled for the motherfucker robbing me to put his hands up, and flicked on the light. My cat stared back at me like I was a moron then calmly walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 635

You deserved it 7 943

Today, desperate for work, I went into a shop and asked the owner if he had any spare jobs to fill. He looked me up and down and sneered "Yes, but not for people like... you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 804

You deserved it 3 051

Today, I'm supposed to hand in my Master's thesis. I only very vaguely remember my enthusiasm of six months ago, but remember clearly that - this time - I was planning to start in time and avoid last-minute stress. Seeing the sun come up at 5 a.m. tells me that it was a tad too optimistic. Just ten more hours to go… FML

I agree, your life sucks 295

You deserved it 1 086

Today, I had to slowly explain to my daughter why her Facebook profile isn't a valid piece of ID. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 490

You deserved it 5 114

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend. After only having sex once, where I wore a condom and didn't even get to come, she says that she's pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 953

You deserved it 8 716

Today, I was mauled by my own dog. I own a Chihuahua. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 1 273