The Top

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By starstruck - 20/11/2009 09:36 - France

Today, I misplaced my wallet. Fortunately, I knew exactly where it was. Unfortunately, I had just taken out the only form of picture ID that morning. I couldn't stop the finders from laughing as they saw my fake celebrity entertainment ID while I tried to convince them it was actually my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 374

You deserved it 18 072

DELETE! DELETE!

By mako - 26/05/2017 02:00

Today, I sent my mom a link to a news article via Facebook. Immediately after sending, however, I noticed I had forgotten to copy the news article's link, and what I had sent instead was the last thing I had copied and pasted: a porn link. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 878

You deserved it 6 604

By MikeA - 09/06/2017 12:00

Today, I used Siri to text my VP asking for a good time to talk. Siri helpfully changed the text to ask for a "good time to talk my dick" and sent it before I could change it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 507

You deserved it 2 146

The Dilbert Principle

By Anonymous - 14/06/2017 16:00

Today, my boss called me into his office. I've been working hard doing extra work so I can get promoted. He called me in to tell me I'm to reliable in my current position, so I won't be moving up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 367

You deserved it 338

By RDS - 08/07/2019 18:00

Today, I talked to my husband about leaving his parents' house. He said, and I quote, ''No. I don't want the responsibility of paying bills.'' FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 831

You deserved it 664

Weird dude of the day

By Anonymous - 30/06/2017 02:00

Today, I caught my 29 year-old brother-in-law scratching his poison ivy with a handful of forks before putting them back in the drawer. I called him on it and he huffed, "You've never said anything before." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 941

You deserved it 371

Man cave

By Anonymous - 04/10/2023 04:00

Today, it's been about two months since I made my husband sleep in the spare room after an argument. I invited him back to our room after two nights but he refused. Since then he’s moved a TV, Xbox, fridge and new armchair into the spare room, and put a lock on the door only he has a key for. I’ve barely seen him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 2 027

Totally deserved

By Clap - 22/07/2022 10:00

Today, I found out the coworker I was seeing gave me the clap. She resigned two weeks ago and isn’t answering her phone. I can’t blame my wife because she was a virgin when we got married, and has only been with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 203

You deserved it 6 702

Who does this?

By Wanda - 11/05/2021 01:59

Today, my demented mother-in-law had my dog euthanized while I was on vacation, because he was, "too feral and disorderly." Why? Because he, "peed on the grass." I had that dog for 9 years. Why couldn’t my husband put her in a nursing home instead? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 595

You deserved it 108

Big Brother is watching you

By Anonymous - 20/11/2019 03:00

Today, my boyfriend came to visit from another state. My mom didn't want me to go to his hotel, but I did. When she asked about it, I lied to her and said I didn't go. She the showed me a picture of my car outside his hotel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 990

You deserved it 2 704

Cheesy.

By freshflowerz - 16/03/2018 00:00 - United States - Williamsburg

Today, I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with a yeast infection. It’s been 3 hours since I’ve been home and my husband won’t stop referring to me as "cheddar puss". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 380

You deserved it 469

Unreasonable!

By Ungrateful asshole - 06/08/2025 20:00 - Netherlands

Today, we have everything we can want: money, a house, two lovely kids, and great family relationships. My husband just asked for a divorce. He wants to blow all this up because we haven't had sex in over a decade, even though I gave him permission to masturbate to porn years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 1 626

By Anonymous - 01/04/2018 01:00 - China - Xiamen

Today I found out my university incorrectly calculated my GPA. The threshold for the Ph.D. scholarship was 2.69, and I had a 2.68, so I did not get the scholarship. My new GPA is 3.34. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 154

You deserved it 306

Stay away from us!

By KingSnow03 - 31/03/2020 20:00

Today, because I have a coughed a total of 2 times in a row, I'm now banned from seeing any of my family until I get tested for coronavirus. The earliest available appointment is May 3rd. Looks like quarantine is going to be a lot worse than I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 710

You deserved it 242

Prosecution time

By Anonymous - 30/07/2021 20:00 - United States

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend posted a video of me going down on him online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 569

You deserved it 250

It's a sign...

By Ohfknhell - 16/05/2018 05:00

Today, I received a package from Amazon that was supposed to contain the book I needed for my open book final exam tonight. They must have mixed up my order, because the box contained a large pink dildo. I think the universe just told me to get fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 675

You deserved it 765

Our Kansas

By Anonymous - 20/10/2022 15:00 - United States - Lake Saint Louis

Today, my son waited until the night before he had a presentation on Arkansas due to tell me about it. We (meaning me, alone) stayed up until 3 am making a topographical map of the state out of plaster and drywall. At 8 a.m., a half hour after he got on the bus, I found it laying on his bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 488

You deserved it 1 656

Recycling helps

By Julieworld - 24/04/2020 08:00

Today, I was able to find the Facebook profile of my ex-boyfriend’s girlfriend, for whom he left me for. I had been curious about who she was, and when I zoomed in on her profile pic of them together, I noticed she was wearing the ring he'd got me for Christmas and that I'd given back to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 816

You deserved it 899

By Anonymous - 03/07/2018 15:00

Today, I was verbally harassed by a customer because I wouldn’t give her special treatment after her meal was incorrect. I offered her a refund and a coupon for a free meal, which she refused before calling me a stupid kid who wouldn’t do anything to help her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 631

You deserved it 238

Non-baby fever

By Anonymous - 01/06/2020 23:00

Today, I found out that my fiancé, with whom I've been with for 10 years, doesn't want to have sex with me because he thinks I'm going to trap him into having a baby. He sees me take my contraceptive pill nightly and knows I was booked in for having a coil fitted before Covid-19 happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 428

You deserved it 351

By Nathan - 17/01/2009 22:31 - United States

Today, I printed my 10 page econometrics problem set questions out on $15/100 sheet ivory resume paper that I'd accidentally left in the paper tray on my printer. It turned out to be the wrong assignment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 703

You deserved it 18 640

Decisions, decisions

By Anonymous - 08/07/2020 17:00

Today, my marriage is one week away. Despite all the challenges we faced during COVID, we powered through everything. Today is also the day my work decided to tell me they're letting me go. I now have to either go on my improvised honeymoon or job hunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 648

You deserved it 145

Between a rock and a soft place

By Anonymous - 20/07/2020 23:01

Today, it's our eighth anniversary. My husband has struggled for a while with erectile dysfunction, and tonight he decided it wasn't worth trying. So now, he's sitting at home, soft, while I'm eating Taco Bell in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 848

You deserved it 312

By toomuchwork - 13/09/2018 01:30

Today, as I was leaving for a 2-week vacation after working my ass off for 2 years, my area manager handed me a project. It's a 3-week job, and he told me he needs it when I get back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 134

You deserved it 173

By 9inchsofty - 20/09/2018 14:00

Today, I took my truck through an automatic car wash. During the wash, the bristles on one of the automatic scrubbers ripped my metal antenna off of my car. The antenna was stuck spinning around in the scrubber, smacking and scratching the entire side of my car, top to bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 069

You deserved it 958

By ARGHHHH - 04/10/2018 05:00

Today, my mom ordered my birthday presents on eBay. Too bad she used my account, so when I went to look for ideas, everything she bought me popped up. It's so much stuff I don't want, need, or will ever use, and it's on my credit card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 477

You deserved it 365

Perfectly reasonable

By Anonymous - 25/11/2021 20:01

Today, my wife and I had arranged a threesome with a guy, but I was late home so they “had the threesome without me.” It’s not cheating, because I obviously knew she was going to have sex with him during the threesome, but me not being there makes me mad and I can’t coherently explain why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 962

You deserved it 2 635

By lel - 06/11/2018 13:30

Today, I got a blue screen of death on my brand new computer. Why? My parents installed an "anti-virus" before I got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 028

You deserved it 250

Not gonna happen

By how bout no! - 09/10/2020 17:01 - United States - Hesperia

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years said that he wants to marry and spend his life with me. But first he wants to go be wild and single for a few years before settling down. Not only does he not see a problem with this, he expects me to wait and be faithful to him while he “gets it out of his system”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 808

You deserved it 153

By tbreezy - 26/11/2018 14:00

Today, I called my ex-girlfriend to see if she would meet up with me so I could give her money to pay off the rest of the TV we had on layaway before we broke up. Turns out she cancelled it and took all the money I put into it. I put $500 down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 754

You deserved it 426

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The Top

Today, at work, I was caught picking my nose, on camera, in an elevator. The security guard stopped me on my way out of the building to tell me how funny it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 612

You deserved it 30 980

Today, I discovered that of the three medicines I now have to take, all three of them have acne as a side effect. When acne is a side effect, I am 100% guaranteed to get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798

You deserved it 115

Today, my boyfriend and I were finally having some intimate alone time together. When we really started getting into it, he suddenly prematurely jizzed in my eye. I now need surgery and have to explain to my family how I almost lost my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 538

You deserved it 1 051

Today, I wanted to actively post and vlog my travels, so I started with my trip to an "Animal island" nearby. My first words on the vlog were, "Animal island is an island near the city which has animals." My husband literally rolf-ed hearing that. Why can't I speak normally!? FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 472

Today, after weeks of watching car after car of solo drivers go by in the carpool lane every day, I decided to join them. I'm the one who got pulled over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 959

You deserved it 35 254

Today, I tried to open a jar by tapping the lid on the counter. I tapped it so hard, the jar shattered, and I now have more spaghetti sauce on my pyjama pants than in the pot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 458