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OP here - can't believe this got published! I kept the second nasty shake down and survived the scan, only to have cramps and diarrhea the whole rest of the day. I really know how to party on a Saturday, don't I? They did the scan because I've been having abdominal pain. Should have the results next week, hope it turns out to be nothing!

By Anonymous - 19/02/2012 08:25 - Australia

Today, I got a reply to my Valentine's Day card that I sent to my girlfriend. I'll get the address right next time because her neighbor is really creeping me out now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 077

You deserved it 23 707

By Randolph - 15/10/2012 02:24 - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, a clown came over for my son's 8th birthday party. There was a moment of silence then laughter as everyone realized the clown and I were wearing the same plaid shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 652

You deserved it 4 953

By Anonymous - 12/10/2018 22:30

Today, at work, a table of girls complained to the manager about me. The complaint? "He's not hot enough to work here. We want a sexy server." The manager agreed with them and sent me home. I might lose my job because of a table of shallow women. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 704

You deserved it 206

I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay

By axewoman - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff

Today, my dad told me someday I'll find a man who wants a nice lumberjack for a wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 611

You deserved it 3 807

An Inconvenient Thief

By Satver7 - 10/03/2017 22:00

Today, after meeting a girl for the first time and having sex with her, I found not only my wallet missing but also the 128 GB pen drive that had my project I've been working on for 6 months on it. I have to give the presentation in 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 233

You deserved it 4 608

Thanks, I hate it

By It wasnt even that close - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Germany - Herford

Today, while shopping, I stepped a bit closer to a couple that stood in front of a display. The girl then shot me a nasty look, grabbed her boyfriend and started pointedly making out with him. I was just trying to buy some butter. But thanks for reminding me how lonely I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 894

You deserved it 1 926

By thx. - 04/08/2016 20:35 - United States - Denver

Today, I told the girl working the scanner that half the documents I was indexing from her were upside down. Now ALL of them are upside down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 326

You deserved it 1 311

Challenger

By Dr. Virgin - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while working on a medical school application, I asked my mom what she thought my greatest challenge in life had been. She replied, "Trying to lose your virginity." FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 902

You deserved it 6 723

By anony - 24/05/2016 12:57 - New Zealand - East Tamaki

Today, my boyfriend's mum begged me to stay with my boyfriend because she says I'm the only one who can actually get him through college and into a decent job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 735

You deserved it 1 042

Killing the mood

By hotmess - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Katy

Today, my boyfriend stopped by my house after work because he missed me. We made out for a bit outside, which involved some touching and then he left. When I got inside, I got a Facebook message from my older neighbor that read, "That was gross. Please don't do that again in front of me. Really." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 668

You deserved it 8 797

By sleepy - 23/12/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, I was trying to read a book for school, but kept falling asleep. Following some advice from a friend I tried reading on the uncomfortable floor. Two hours later my dog woke me up by peeing on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 215

You deserved it 5 941

By theRoomie - 02/11/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 848

You deserved it 2 843

By MyLifeSucks - 15/04/2013 22:11 - United States - Houston

Today, my mother accused me of stealing pills; she looked all over my room and couldn't find them. When she went back to the pantry, she saw them on the shelf below where they were supposed to be. She then accused me of putting them there while she was searching my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 025

You deserved it 2 818

Oh, hai Mark!

By sweet - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I discovered that despite locking the bathroom door of an airplane, a man is still fully capable of walking in on you changing your tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 429

You deserved it 2 034

By Saxicolous - 09/05/2016 00:21 - Canada - Thunder Bay

Today, I was helping a customer find some shoes. When I brought her a size, she got a phone call. I motioned to the shoes and mouthed, "Bigger size" so I didn't interrupt her. She yelled, "Give me a fucking minute," and stormed out. About 5 minutes later, I realized she'd stolen the shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 771

You deserved it 1 481

Saxicolous tells us more.

Saxicolous 27

Monday 9 May 2016 19:46

Also, (not enough room to mention this in the FML) it wasn't a casual phone call, she was having a very heated (and obviously fake I realized afterwards) argument with some guy about how she was or was not just at some restaurant with another guy. She was screaming and cussing, the whole shabang! It was, in hindsight, a very effective distraction