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By teflon_hammer - 25/05/2016 23:19 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I was taking a shower, facing away from the faucet, when I dropped the soap. When I bent over to pick up the soap, my sister flushed a toilet in the next room, causing hot water to scorch my anus. I got made my shower's bitch, FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 937

You deserved it 1 208

By damn it dad! - 08/08/2018 12:00 - Philippines - Paranaque

Today, the creepy guy at school that won't take "no" for an answer came over with his parents to talk about marriage. My dad knows about this creep and said he'd cast them out, but things didn't turn out as I hoped. Apparently, part of the dowry is a Ferrari. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 283

You deserved it 213

By stanDman - 21/01/2009 20:06 - Canada

Today, I sprayed hair spray under my arms instead of anti-perspirant. I didn't realize it until I went to put my shirt on and couldn't raise my arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 108

You deserved it 10 972

By vargasm - 18/01/2009 12:12 - United States

Today, the girl I've had a crush on decided she wanted to see a movie with me. I tried to hold her hand during the movie and it was great for about 4 minutes. Then she said "Can I have my hand back?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 129

You deserved it 3 676

By boredtothemax - 17/02/2016 19:17 - United States - Hammond

Today, I gave a talk in my management class about creating effective presentations and holding people's attention. Go figure, pretty much nobody paid any attention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 194

You deserved it 3 351

By creepyguy - 26/12/2009 12:06 - Australia

Today, I noticed a girl looking at me on the train. Playing it cool, I decided to give her a smile and see what would happen. It came out as a creepy, seedy grin, prompting her to call security. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 313

You deserved it 9 967

By dorrisdoes - 28/07/2014 20:47 - New Zealand

Today, while working an early shift, I was dressing a wound on a gorgeous guy, when he laughed and pointed out some granny panties next to me on the floor. I guess I forgot to take yesterday's underwear out of my pants before putting them back on this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 332

You deserved it 10 188

By Anonymous - 13/05/2013 16:01 - Australia - Mount Eliza

Today, I gave my boss a gift card as a late birthday present, since I wasn't in the office on his actual birthday. He accused me of trying to bribe my way to a promotion, and suspended me on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 329

You deserved it 4 236

By ok then - 31/10/2016 15:55

Today, my sister called my Native American friend a bigot for saying he had no problem with the name "Cleveland Indians". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 812

You deserved it 701

Bunch of bankers

By WTF - 30/10/2009 10:11 - United States

Today, my bank overdrafted my account to pay a bill that isn't due until next month. When I called them, they said they would fix the mistake, but I have to restore the account to zero before they'll give me my money back. So, I have to pay for my own money with the money they won't give me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 449

You deserved it 2 252

By DC - 11/10/2016 13:41 - United States - Sioux City

Today, I narrowly avoided a head-on collision in the parking garage. The other driver cussed me out. It's a one-way route through the parking garage, and I was going the right way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 936

You deserved it 1 541

By Eminnis - 31/08/2015 03:27 - United States - Woodland Park

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my dad completely naked. When I expressed my displeasure, he told me to knock next time. I'd agree with him, if he hadn't been standing in the middle of the hallway in our very open living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 351

You deserved it 1 708

By martin1022 - 05/10/2016 11:29 - United States

Today, recent construction has created a manhole that cars slam over every single morning. This normally starts at 4 a.m. as people make their early commute on my busy street. With every car that hits it, there's a huge echoing slamming noise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 704

You deserved it 927

By sydmarie98 - 06/07/2015 22:51 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, my friend let me borrow a pair of jeans. I found out I'm allergic to her laundry detergent when I broke out in a rash everywhere that the jeans touched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 924

You deserved it 2 036

Denial

By Lady Bloodshart of the Redwater - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Arlington

Today, while at a restaurant, my date shat himself. He spent the entire meal pretending nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 122

You deserved it 1 085

A little treat

By AdoKitty - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Redlands

Today, the 4 year-old I was babysitting came up to me all happy, saying she went to the bathroom like a "big girl." Knowing she was just potty trained, I asked if she'd remembered to flush. Looking at me confused, she said, "But it's in my room." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 387

You deserved it 2 336

Mixed signals

By max - 07/02/2009 23:33 - United States

Today, I thought I was going on a date. About 20 minutes into it, after giving her my arm to hold (like a true gentleman) it came up in conversation that my brother is gay. Her response: "Oh, so both you and your brother are gay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 456

You deserved it 2 987

By Sick As Hell - 27/04/2016 07:22 - United States - Urbandale

Today, I rolled my ankle, got pink eye, and have the flu. Unable to stand long enough to cook myself a meal, I opted for delivery. When I opened the door for the delivery boy, he backed away frantically with his arms up upon seeing me. Apparently, I look just as shitty as I feel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 055

You deserved it 1 954

By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 17:11 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my girlfriend told me she loved me for the first time. Unfortunately, it was her way of saying that she didn't want to lose me after cheating on me yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 768

You deserved it 1 496

By dumb dancer - 05/12/2014 01:54 - United States - Saginaw

Today, I injured my knee during dance class. When it started to feel a little bit better, I tried dancing again. I tripped, fell, and broke my wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 685

You deserved it 5 916

By jess - 24/12/2018 04:00

Spicy

Today, I decided to go home and apologise to my husband for accusing him of having an affair. I came home to find him having sex with my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 283

You deserved it 338

Oh no, oh no no no

By lauziej93 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Spain - Logroño

Today, my mother-in-law became my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 246

You deserved it 2 040

Some girls are bigger than others

By pinkpurplegurl - 24/09/2015 14:33 - China

Today, while taking the subway home, a woman offered me her seat. I smiled and declined. She said she insisted because of my "pregnancy." I was too ashamed to say I wasn't pregnant, so I just took the seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 104

You deserved it 4 040

By Blue_Heart - 05/09/2015 18:47 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I decided to bike to work. I normally forget the key to my lock, so I leave it out back and hope that nobody takes it, and nobody does. I finally remembered my lock key so I chained it up. After my 7 hour shift, I walk to the back only to find the lock had been cut, and my bike was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 900

You deserved it 1 974

By Divorce? - 29/07/2017 00:30

Today, I came home and caught my husband in a compromising position. He was watching Twilight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 043

You deserved it 610

By Anonymous - 31/07/2016 14:19

Today, I got punched in the face after I beat my stepbrother at Mario Kart. I didn't really get hurt, but he managed to break a finger. My stepmom blamed the whole thing on me, accusing me of being violent and a bad influence on her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 008

You deserved it 886

Sexy time

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Spicy

Today, I woke up to my balls being sucked on. Unfortunately, it was by a mosquito. I hate the summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 206

You deserved it 1 779

Quickie

By HolyyMolyy - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I was ecstatic to have received a friend request from my crush of grade 4 after 11 years. He's grown up to be such a hottie. I quickly accepted his request, he messaged me and we ended up chatting for hours. Later, when I messaged him, he called me clingy, and unfriended me from Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 029

You deserved it 2 161

By Nyusziful - 26/06/2016 20:42 - Hungary - Nagykanizsa

Today, I was at a wedding reception. I had to repeatedly shout and wave like an idiot to the waiter for my order because he ignored me several times and kept forgetting about me. I was the bride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 805

You deserved it 985

Nyusziful tells us more.

Nyusziful 26

Monday 27 June 2016 11:19

It was actually a small family event with only 20 guests, so he really didn't have to look after a huge crowd. And I was the only one in a big white dress :)

By lifesucks - 24/02/2009 19:21 - United States

Today, I walked into work after being completly wasted last night. I was sitting in a meeting when all of a sudden the presenter had gotten an e-mail saying "crazy girl dances on tables at local bar". So obviously everyone wanted to watch it. That crazy girl was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 965

You deserved it 50 302

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The Top

The Top

Today, I was at a bar with a friend. A guy came up to me, took my drink and drank it. I laughed and jokingly said "now, you have to buy me a drink." He said "I would rather buy your friend a drink." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 073

You deserved it 4 161

Today, my polyamorous friend has 3 boyfriends. My other polyamorous friend has 2 boyfriends and my other other polyamorous friend has a girlfriend and a boyfriend. I'm still single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 203

Today, I was walking into work when a gust of wind blew my skirt completely over my head in front of a group of tourists taking pictures of the building. Now I'm afraid that somewhere out there is a photo of me flashing my polka-dot underwear like a knock-off Marilyn Monroe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 102

Today, I witnessed the most awful park job ever. Without thinking, I found a piece of paper and wrote on the back, "Nice park, asshole". Turns out it was an old airline boarding pass, and my name, address and phone number were neatly displayed with the message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 371

You deserved it 38 791

Embarrassingly accurate. Cheers!

I agree, your life sucks 230

You deserved it 64

Today, my date went off on a 30 minute tangent about how MGTOW is going to be good for society and blah blah blah. He was going to get lucky tonight, as I really wanted some dick to be honest, but he talked himself out of any chance whatsoever by boring me to death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 321

You deserved it 210