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OP here. First of all, I'd like to let everyone know that I don't give a rat's ass about your opinion of septum piercings. That being said, I knew my grandma would not be happy about it but I did it anyway because I've wanted one for a long time. She did apologize shortly after saying this, and now she's gotten used to it! Yesterday when we were at a restaurant she reached over to fix it because it was crooked and has even shown me cute jewelry for it that she found online :)

Artistic merits

By bigmozwoman - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Phoenix

Today, I was driving students home on my school bus. I looked up in time to see a student wipe what would be one of many boogers across the window. As I'm cleaning the window, I tell her, "This is disgusting." Her reply? "No, it's not. It's PERFECT!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 451

You deserved it 1 817

By Anonymous - 20/04/2009 01:40 - United States

Today, it was pouring rain outside, I had two textbooks in my hands. I took a shortcut, and instead of running around the small pole that directed the line at the cafe, I decided to jump over it. In front of a group of guys, my foot got caught and I faceplanted with my books flying everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 389

You deserved it 47 912

Caught in 404p

By bgierczak2 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, my wallet was stolen from my purse at work. When I asked my boss to pull the security tape so we could identify the thief, he said, "I don't think I want to know who it is." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 823

You deserved it 1 784

By laughxlove - 23/08/2010 04:03 - United States

Today, I went to see my mother with my kids. Before, I had told my son to give her hugs and kisses and I would buy him candy. He did, but then he told her that I said that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 825

You deserved it 33 011

By Claire - 19/01/2013 13:51 - United States - Parkville

Today, after getting into an argument with my dad, he told me that I would make a great ex wife one day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 231

You deserved it 7 275

By ideserveit - 28/05/2016 22:10 - Finland

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend after a fight. I told him the reason I was so irritable is because I'm on my period. He yelped in disgust and nearly fell out of bed. Good to know I'm dating a man-child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 055

You deserved it 1 853

I NEED URGENT ASSISTANCE

By help me - 24/04/2016 08:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I have watched the Elmo's World episode featuring balls ten times in a row. The toddler I'm watching screams if I put on something different. His mom just said she was stuck in traffic. She should be back in about five and a half more replays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 854

You deserved it 1 496

By mistickfae - 29/10/2012 18:42 - United States

Today, I was complimented for having amazingly lifelike warts as part of my witch costume, and was asked how I achieved the effect so well. I didn't have the heart to admit they were just my pimples under green makeup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 943

You deserved it 2 262

By mrdave - 04/07/2009 05:54 - Canada

Today, I looked in my pocket for the phone number of a girl I met last night at a party. I remembered us talking and exchanging phone numbers. When I found the piece of paper, I discovered that instead of writing her number down, I had drunkenly written down my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 906

You deserved it 46 493

By Anonymous - 23/01/2016 01:43 - Canada - Moncton

Today, I discovered that the pain I've had for the past couple of weeks was actually due to a broken collar bone. Now work won't pay for the treatment I need because I continued to work despite the pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 630

You deserved it 2 294

By Anonymous - 20/08/2013 17:18 - United States

Today, my ass decided that it was the perfect day to exhibit the diarrhea side-effect of medicine I'm taking. I definitely made a lasting impression on my interviewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 245

You deserved it 2 982

By Anonymous - 01/02/2017 18:00 - United States - Twinsburg

Today, I was pulled aside by my father's new wife and told, "You're not your dad's favorite anymore and you need to stop acting like it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 500

You deserved it 638

By sucker and suckatash/say don't spray - 17/07/2013 10:06 - United States - Pearl City

Today, I was doing stand-up comedy at open mic. The guy I like started laughing, but before I hit my punch line. Apparently, when I was speaking, I was occasionally spitting, and in the very bright light it was easy to see my spit hitting people in the face. They kept a tally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 008

You deserved it 6 703

By Anonymous - 19/11/2010 19:38 - United States

Today, after three weeks of my boss telling me how much he appreciates my hard work and has submitted my name up for a promotion, he called me into his office to announce I'm being laid off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 181

You deserved it 2 356

By Tweenmom - 13/04/2017 16:00

Today, my tween daughter found an exciting new book series to replace her two-year obsession with Harry Potter. Hello, Team Jacob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 750

You deserved it 556

By Anon - 28/05/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, while at the mall, a kid no older than 5 pushed a stroller into my heel, which caught the back of my shoe and caused me to face-plant the floor in the middle of a very crowded department store. I didn't even get an apology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 352

You deserved it 2 478

By one sorry mom - 05/09/2017 04:31

Today, at the mall, my 4-year-old son threw up on a man's shoes. When he approached me, I immediately machine-gun mouthed him in public. The man apparently is a doctor and concernedly said that my son may have a rare gastric disease based on the puke. I got him checked, and he's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 916

You deserved it 7 131

By monochromatic - 20/02/2010 03:13 - United States

Today, I found out that the 20% pay cut that the "management team" took at my job really only applied to... me. I also found out that my closest friend at work has been lying to me about it, and telling my boss everything I say. His pay was never cut. I guess it pays to be the boss's snitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 109

You deserved it 2 518

By LMN - 31/07/2009 01:30 - United States

Today, after receiving a message about being hired at a retail store, I went to the orientation for new employees. The trainer seemed perplexed when I told him my name, but he gave me my paperwork and continued with training. At the end of the 8 hour day, he asked to talk to me. I wasn't actually hired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 022

You deserved it 2 973

By Anonymous - 01/02/2015 10:21 - United States

Today, my boss explained that the company will be letting me go. She got so upset that she couldn't leave her office and I had to console her. I had to make her feel less sad for laying me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 074

You deserved it 2 707

How could you?

By Ellie - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Mission

Today, I dreamt that I beat someone up for using Comic Sans in a project. Now I can't look at him without being irrationally angry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 785

You deserved it 7 370

By kisyfrot - 18/12/2008 03:38 - France

Today, I got fed up with my neighbor who has been coughing, night and day, for six months. I rang at her door to tell her about several remedies I know of to help, so I could sleep. I thus found out she has lung cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 322

You deserved it 27 261

By tgpgs - 19/01/2011 14:55

Today, at work, I spent half an hour on the phone with a customer. At the end of the conversation, as he was putting down the phone, I heard him say 'God, he was a miserable git'. I'm a 28 year old woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 162

You deserved it 3 988

By thatsucks - 28/02/2016 20:49 - United States - Seattle

Today, I learned that my housemate used a dry vacuum to unclog the toilet before moving out and then didn't change the vacuum bag. He left several weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 907

You deserved it 1 571

By DemonicDummy - 05/01/2017 05:06

Today, after smoking, I sat down to watch Supernatural with my young cousin. I accidentally let out a burp during a demonic possession scene and, to our surprise, smoke came out of my mouth. Now there's a crying 11-year-old hiding somewhere in the house with salt. Mom will be home in 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 703

You deserved it 2 725

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I drove a different work vehicle, one with the cupholder right behind the gear lever. After multiple accidental attempts at changing gears with my Coke bottle, I threw it out the window in a temper. I then got busted for littering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 219

You deserved it 1 684

Today, I asked my mom if I could join my friends in getting lessons in self defense. My mom told me that I didn't need them because my face was a better weapon to repel anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 238

You deserved it 5 303

Today, my friend sent me a bumper sticker that said, "Do you know that gullible said slowly sounds like 'green bears'?" I spent quite a few minutes trying to get gullible to sound like green bears until I realized that it didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 172

You deserved it 65 180

Today, I felt cold while driving, so I blasted the heat. The one thing I didn't expect was a load of tiny spiders spilling out of the vents and writhing all over my dash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 137

You deserved it 967

Today, I told to my girlfriend of 5 years that I'm depressed about having no friends, no job and a difficult family life. I told her that she's the one constant that keeps me going. She decided this was a good time to break up with me to "find" herself, since I was being so mopey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 380

You deserved it 3 853

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he wanted to throw me a surprise birthday party. The only issue was the fact I didn't have any friends to make it happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 108

You deserved it 1 967