The Top

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Creepy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Tobyhanna

Today, I had to explain to my father that when my friends sleep over, it's not acceptable to sneak into my room in the middle of the night and dig through their stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 988

You deserved it 4 517

By highlycontagious - 22/02/2009 09:45 - United States

Today, while walking through the fragrance area in a shopping center a women behind me asked; "Excuse me miss, would you like to sample our new fragrance line." I'm a 19 year old male. I turned around expecting her to correct herself. She didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 204

You deserved it 6 733

By Black - 12/12/2008 03:31 - Lebanon

Spicy

Today, I caught my cat humping my dog while he was asleep. I'm sleeping with the door closed from now on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 333

You deserved it 3 855

By MemoKrosav - 30/01/2016 03:54 - Mexico - Matamoros

Today, I had the most uncomfortable feeling in my socks, but I didn't care to check. It wasn't until I got home that I realized that the feeling was a small thin piece of glass that was slowly cutting away at the bottom of my foot. I still don't know how it got there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 312

You deserved it 4 562

Do you remember?

By Anonymous - 18/01/2016 22:30 - United States

Today, I woke up from an amazing dream I was having about my girlfriend. We were laughing and holding hands, the kind of dream I wanted to stay asleep for. When I finally got up, I was excited to tell her about the dream but then I remembered. We broke up a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 460

You deserved it 1 808

By uterurist - 22/11/2014 18:37 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my son trained his little sister to walk up to strangers and whimper: "My mommy punches me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 878

You deserved it 2 923

By CantPublish - 04/09/2012 22:02 - United States

Today, I saw a bug on a stranger's arm and as a knee-jerk reaction smacked it. It took me a second before I realized it was actually a loose scab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 946

You deserved it 24 663

By Anonymous - 13/01/2016 07:46 - Netherlands - Overveen

Today, I dreamed a rat crawled up from the toilet and attacked me. Now I'm afraid to even enter the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 221

You deserved it 3 783

By Anonymous - 10/11/2015 22:50 - United States

Today, on my way back to work after lunch, my airbags deployed at a stop sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 907

You deserved it 1 680

By Itchy Missy - 10/09/2014 03:38 - United States - Denver

Spicy

Today, I got more pleasure from itching the bed bug bites from sleeping over at my boyfriend's house than I got from actually sleeping with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 295

You deserved it 5 674

By i have failed so very badly - 07/04/2017 18:51 - United States - Syracuse

Today, I found out our eight-year-old son lied about his former babysitter beating him. The babysitter's already thrashed us on social media for believing our son, and now no one in town is willing to babysit for us. Looks like date night is cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 860

You deserved it 7 113

Money money money, must be funny

By Anonymous - 14/12/2016 12:06

Today, my sister, who has "borrowed" almost nine hundred dollars from me over the last few months, told me I was pathetic for not having my driver's license yet and that I "wasn't normal". I was saving that money for my driving lessons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 868

You deserved it 1 064

Bubbly

By nomegusta - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I unknowingly used my shampoo thinking it was leave-in-conditioner. While walking to work, it started to rain. I started to produce suds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 563

You deserved it 28 638

By Anonymous - 09/04/2016 05:49 - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, my sister got me in deep trouble at the store I worked security for. She "dropped by to say hi" and stole a bunch of things when I wasn't looking. I wasn't arrested, due to lack of any evidence. But my boss didn't care about evidence and fired me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 754

You deserved it 2 060

One of those people

By Vercsi - 19/02/2015 15:47 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, my attention-seeking, insanely thick co-worker explained that due to her new diet she can't eat bread. She "can eat pizza" though. When we pointed out that they’re pretty much made of the same ingredients, she wouldn’t believe us. I sit right behind this idiot every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 333

You deserved it 2 770

Sketchy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it was my first day with new contacts, but I found out they make my eyes red and itchy. Today was also the day I had a very important meeting. They think I showed up stoned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 315

You deserved it 3 470

Snack time

By oops... - 12/09/2014 05:50 - Canada - Sylvan Lake

Today, my daughter was going to Bulk Barn so I asked her to pick me up something to snack on. When she got home, she brought over a bag and without listening to her explain what it was, I began eating it. She looked at me confused, then began laughing. It was a dog treat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 612

You deserved it 29 796

By shittysongs - 07/03/2013 02:39 - United States - Bothell

Today, I was so bored at a dinner party that I went to the bathroom to play games on my phone. One of my co-workers came in, so I rushed into a stall, but forgot to turn my phone's sound off. She heard it and said, "It's OK, music helps me shit too" and started blasting her music and grunting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 932

You deserved it 7 121

By Anonymous - 26/09/2009 14:24 - United States

Today, I went on my first date in nearly a year. A few minutes into the meal, he called me "scrumptious" and made animal noises for the rest of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 189

You deserved it 3 332

Dirty dancing

By Dumbfuck - 25/09/2009 04:41 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that being rhythmically challenged really really sucks. I was trying to dance around sexily for my girlfriend, and I was doing that one move where you thrust your pelvis forward, and swing you hand from side to side. I hit myself in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 775

You deserved it 26 717

By EevieBear - 25/06/2016 21:08 - United States - Rochester

Spicy

Today, I was babysitting my young cousins who are obsessed with Narnia. So to appease them, we checked every closet in the house. We never did find Narnia, but we did find sex toys. Lots of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 704

You deserved it 2 812

EevieBear tells us more.

EevieBear 26

Thursday 30 June 2016 3:38

Hey guys! Op here. I'm pleasantly surprised this got published! I guess I should have explained the whole situation a lot better. It was not my idea to snoop, as I was making them dinner, and I heard doors opening and closing. I went to investigate, praying it wasn't a break in. Instead, I found the kids looking through the closets. I asked them to stop, sit down, and watch tv while I continued cooking. I watched them go back to the main room by the kitchen where I was, but I guess they snuck back out. When I checked on them again, they were looking at, you guessed it, sex toys.

By OutoftheLoop - 20/02/2009 09:24 - China

Today, I returned home from college and saw a framed picture of my parents and my younger sister on an elephant in an exotic jungle. I pointed to the picture and asked my mom, "Is this some photoshop job?" She responded, "No, we went to Thailand for a family trip, didn't we tell you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 441

You deserved it 3 663

The wrong kind of banging

By BRELLA - 03/02/2009 19:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with a girl from home who I'd wanted for a long time. She has low blood pressure problems though, and when things got hot, she passed out while she was on top of me, fell and hit her head on the night stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 144

You deserved it 3 960

Thanks for the memories

By Likian5 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I ran into my high school crush at Target. When I asked her if she remembered me, she patted me on the head, said, "Unfortunately," and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 454

You deserved it 2 982

Indiana Jones in the making

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Addlestone

Today, I received a panicked email from one of my university students on my course on Russian history, stating that he'd "always thought Stalin was fake, like the moon landing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 574

You deserved it 2 447

What do you mean, lady?

By ihateoldmagazines - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's office for an appointment. After waiting for ages, I asked the receptionist what the delay was. Apparently, I had no standing appointment today. This is coming from the same receptionist who checked me in nearly two hours ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 901

You deserved it 2 948

By 20month dry spell - 27/09/2018 03:00

Today, my girlfriend thinks I'm sex-obsessed because of the number of times I've asked for it. I've asked exactly 3 times this year, one of which was on my birthday. She said no all 3 times. I'm usually too scared of her temper to even try. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 799

You deserved it 1 394

By niiiiiiiiiikki - 08/01/2011 20:35 - United States

Today, I had to point out the "no shirt, no shoes, no service" sign at my work to an extremely old, seemingly intoxicated man wearing an ill fitting speedo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 538

You deserved it 2 498

By Anonymous - 06/02/2016 11:56 - United States - Newburyport

Today, after a snowstorm my son decided that boarding off the roof onto my truck would be fun. My truck now has a puncture wound. The same truck that drove him to the hospital for his puncture wound and broken arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 908

You deserved it 1 906

By f4444 - 21/12/2015 05:38 - United States - Highland Park

Spicy

Today, the guy I thought I was exclusive with admitted that the only reason he comes over is because no one else will sleep with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 182

You deserved it 2 616

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, I woke up to find my cat had knocked over a glass of water, which short-circuited my alarm clock, so I overslept, missed a crucial meeting, and found out I'd been promoted... to a position which no longer exists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 157

Today, I finally found someone who liked me and wanted to kiss me. It was a 5-year-old at the daycare I work at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 682

You deserved it 1 046

Today, my boyfriend really gets off hearing me talk about previous sexual experiences in extreme detail while we are having sex. I have run out of real stories, so now I just make stuff up, but it's getting hard keeping track. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 330

You deserved it 488

Today, my mother had just got home and we were both in the kitchen. She then starts to get out food and I smelled deviled eggs. Delighted, I asked, "Do I smell deviled eggs?" She turned around laughing and announced she'd farted. I effectively got hungry from my mother’s fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 402

You deserved it 372

Today, my fiancée of 2 years and mother of my son, who is also pregnant with our second son, commented on how lucky two friends getting married were to have found each other. I said that we're just as lucky. She responded, "No. They actually love each other." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 643

You deserved it 4 640

Today, because now Twitter shows the "For you" section automatically, the first thing I saw was some guy saying childless women are useless and pathetic. I wanted kids but had a hysterectomy because I was developing cancer. Seeing that brought back the pain and made me feel like crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 512

You deserved it 113