The Top

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Good question

By cynicalcindy - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I visited my brother in jail for the first time. I didn't know what to say so I blurted out, "Are you having fun?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 181

You deserved it 50 373

By Dasani - 16/02/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, I was complaining to my mom about how my sister looked like a barbie doll next to me. I was saying how she was so tan and her hair looked awesome next to mine. She paused for a while and then said "Well you're pretty on the inside." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 459

You deserved it 9 021

By anon - 27/04/2016 00:11 - United States - Arverne

Today, I got pulled over by the cops for swerving a lot while driving. I tried to explain that my dog bit the back of my neck, but as soon as I opened my door to show him the bite marks and the dog, he ran out of the car. I still can't find him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 411

You deserved it 2 166

By Daughter of the year - 11/03/2015 00:19 - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, while discussing my grades with my mother, she told me that when she was my age she was dumb but hardworking, and my dad was lazy but very smart. She then added, "You managed to get the worst out of each of us." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 829

You deserved it 3 748

Biohazard

By Bloody Nose - 16/04/2016 05:14 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I had the longest, bloodiest, bloody nose ever when I was at work. I got blood on a few materials as I was running to the restroom. I work in a food factory, so everything had to be sanitized and thrown out. Now management wants me to pay for everything we had to throw out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 769

You deserved it 2 002

Guest star

By highschoolnobody - 23/06/2009 02:28 - United States

Today, I was looking through my high school yearbook. I found a picture of myself and a couple of my friends at our senior prom. The caption gave the names of all my friends, their dates who didn't attend our school, and listed me only as "Guest." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 567

You deserved it 2 947

By college0001 - 20/01/2016 06:06 - United States - Burlington

Today, my college roommate tried to kick me out, because what I say makes her uncomfortable. We haven't talked for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 860

You deserved it 1 847

By Anonymous - 24/12/2015 20:52

Today, after six years, two raises, and a promotion, thanks to student loans I make less disposable income than I did when I first started this job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 810

You deserved it 1 987

Today, on Intervention…

By Anonymous - 05/12/2015 06:49 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I staged an intervention for my dad, because his midlife crisis has spun out of control. When I told him he's now basically endangering his own life, he replied "Everyone's gonna die someday. Some sooner than others, eh porky?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 903

You deserved it 2 311

By Anonymous - 11/11/2015 11:03 - United States - Rochester

Today, I fractured my shinbone after slipping on a leaf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 820

You deserved it 2 283

By Anonymous - 22/08/2014 22:18 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I finally told my dad that I hate his girlfriend. I said her daughter's a complete whore, and her son is annoying as fuck. Turns out they were in the house and within earshot, ready to throw me a birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 237

You deserved it 49 659

By lonelygirl - 09/04/2013 04:59 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, I didn't mind paying a little bit extra for my manicure because I forgot how nice it was to have someone hold your hand. Even if it was an old Asian lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 323

You deserved it 5 668

By SadDaenerys - 13/07/2016 20:13

Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me because I finished the Game of Thrones books before he could finish the TV show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 472

You deserved it 1 406

Bad influence

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it's been one week since my demented grandma babysat my five-year-old daughter while my husband took me to a fancy restaurant. Now she's taken to screaming and calling me a "damn commie" whenever I discipline or say no to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 003

You deserved it 6 047

By jack - 28/02/2011 05:43

Today, my shoulder was pulled out of its socket when I was helping a customer load a desk into his vehicle and he decided to answer his cell phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 812

You deserved it 2 527

By Anonymous - 28/03/2016 20:23 - United States

Today, I met a girl who was just as socially anxious as me. We spent the whole night staring at each other, then quickly looking away when the other person saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 801

You deserved it 2 686

By depraved - 08/01/2009 11:21 - United States

Today, taking the train to work after the worst hangover ever, two immense fat women start talking about rim jobs. I got up to switch cabins just in time for their conversation to switch over to RECEIVING rim jobs. I sprayed puke all over myself and an innocent bystander. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 271

You deserved it 4 755

By Anonymous - 29/10/2012 17:59 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I was at the mall and I noticed this guy staring at me from across the food court. He smiled and waved at me so I walked over there and tried to talk to him. He was looking at his girlfriend the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 539

You deserved it 5 107

By Quackadoodledoo - 16/11/2014 23:25 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, after visiting friends for the weekend, I took the wrong train home. It was going in completely the opposite direction. I've now missed the last train back, will miss work tomorrow and have just been asked to vacate the train station. I'm 120 miles from home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 276

You deserved it 5 778

Quackadoodledoo tells us more.

Quackadoodledoo 13

Monday 17 November 2014 22:45

I was watching a tv series on my tablet...after one episode (45 minutes) I looked on Google maps to see how far I had got and that's when I realised! It was a cross country train and the next station was 60 miles from where I got on the train. A place called Darlington. If I had stayed on the train all the way I would have ended up on Edinburgh!

Thrifty

By why - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff

Today, I caught my roommate pouring back his leftover milk from his cereal back into the jug to "save money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 820

You deserved it 3 803

Out in the sticks

By NoStarbucks4Me - 21/02/2017 02:00 - Germany - Mühldorf

Today, the area I live in is so rural that the nearest Starbucks is a one-hour drive away. And in another country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 469

You deserved it 1 322

By Anonymous - 05/07/2013 16:13 - Netherlands

Today, a girl I met recently asked if I wanted to go jogging with her, and I excitedly agreed. A while into our run, I ran out of breath and doubled over panting, all while she kept jogging and slowly disappeared down the street. What a way to spend time together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 518

You deserved it 9 250

By Nono - 19/10/2012 02:25 - Argentina

Today, and since forever, I hate vegetables. I’ve been in Argentina for a few days for a one year exchange and I’ve been placed into a vegetarian family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 262

By ouch - 05/10/2015 19:20 - United States - Stockton

Today, I cracked my tooth. I was so tired I put my pretzel stick in my tea and took a bite out of my spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 891

You deserved it 3 778

By Blondegirl - 07/11/2009 12:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, I dyed my hair blonde for my boyfriend, hoping it would help spice up our sex life. His response? It's still a few shades off from his favorite porn star. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 921

You deserved it 5 331

By idk - 04/09/2015 14:15 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I was getting ready to go out with my family. As I was putting my phone in my purse, my father told me I wouldn't need it because we were going to spend 'quality time' together. The entire time I was there, everyone was staring at their phone. I was the only one without one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 014

You deserved it 2 805

By ashleighsheba - 27/09/2016 16:43 - United States - La Vergne

Today, I got pulled over, not because I was speeding but because apparently, I looked like a kid driving. The officer said I was too short to drive and needed a booster seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 236

You deserved it 1 164

When pranks go too far

By ObviousBooty - 17/07/2016 07:31 - United States - Kankakee

Spicy

Today, me and my dad were in a sort of prank war. I decided to get him back for one last time tonight, so I hid in his office to scare him. This would have been okay had I not caught him watching porn. I had to hide for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 176

You deserved it 3 857

By allyshah - 20/02/2009 20:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were up late watching TV when an infomercial for "Male enhancement" came on. As I grabbed my phone, my girlfriend said, "Oh honey, don't buy that, it's okay that you're small." I was checking my voicemails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 688

You deserved it 6 383

By Marc - 03/03/2015 02:03 - Hong Kong - Tsuen Wan

Today, it's been almost 2 months since I moved into my new place, and it's the first time a girl has slept in my bed. I also slept on my new couch for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 078

You deserved it 4 336

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The Top

The Top

Today, I tripped over my own feet and dislocated my kneecap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 555

You deserved it 782

Today, I came home to see my dad sitting in his car. I thought it'd be fun to sneak up on him. He was filming himself on his phone, ranting about "fighting like hell" and "a storm coming." He had his baseball cap on backwards, probably because the front had the name of our town in Wales on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 765

You deserved it 162

Today, my roommate and I finally got fed up with this increasingly, horrible stench that has been in our apartment for a few days now. Leaving it for our other roommates to handle, we selfishly left to get yogurtland. Moments later, we both expressed that we haven't seen our cat in a while. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 598

You deserved it 55 206

Today, I found out why my husband hasn’t invited me to his company’s summer social. Maybe, just maybe, he didn’t want me to know of the fling between him and his attractive young coworker. Her age is the same number of years we’ve been married, 19 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 557

You deserved it 140

Today, I got naked after coming home. It's super hot where I live and I wanted to cool down before getting dressed again. As I was standing there, minding my own business, the cat I'm pet-sitting for a friend reached up and clawed me on the vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 961

You deserved it 240

Today, I worked a long shift at my job while feeling like crap, anticipating getting a promotion. As my boss was leaving work, he informed me that because I also go to college, the promotion was being given to another employee that I trained a month ago. This is the second time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 106

You deserved it 197