Intimacy You tried

You tried

briiiiiiii123 - 12/01/2015 07:56 - United States - Buffalo

Today, my boyfriend and I had 'car sex'. It sucked and resulted in him masturbating into a McDonald's bag. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Hangry for that Mickey D's

anonymous - 23/07/2021 07:59

Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, starting to get intimate with him, when one of his friends walked into the room, grabbed my leg, and pulled me onto the floor. His reason? He was hungry and wanted to go to McDonald's. FML

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Horndog

Anonymous - 20/08/2012 02:05 - United States - La Grange

Today, I had to bail my boyfriend out of jail. He got arrested because he was tugging his man-meat in the drive-thru at a McDonald's. FML

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Anonymous - 15/03/2010 16:46 - United States

Today, I spent three hours getting ready to go out to lunch with my boyfriend, only to find out he meant we're going to the McDonald's inside Wal-Mart so he can also pick up condoms. FML

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WellOops - 18/07/2018 05:00

Today, my boyfriend crashed his car while I was giving him road head. FML

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krisx3ftw - 11/01/2010 13:25 - United States

Today, my boyfriend took me on a surprise date, destination unknown. I dressed up, he had a tux on. We went to McDonalds. FML

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S…… - 09/01/2011 10:18 - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He decided to make gun sound effects as he came. FML

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Anonymous - 13/01/2011 21:10 - Lebanon

Today, I was having sex with my fiancé when he stopped and said, "Boy, what I wouldn't give for a burger right now." FML

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Anticlimactic

JC12345 - 18/03/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Afterwards we went to Applebee's for dinner, then after we'd ate I asked, "How was it?" he says, "It was terrible", to which I said, "The food was that bad?" He replies, "No, the sex". FML

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Patricia - 01/10/2011 23:30 - United States

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML

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Krissy - 25/01/2010 08:36 - United States

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend on the back bumper of my car. After he finished he told me he felt like he was riding a seahorse. FML

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PrimeEvilTahir 24

Monday 12 January 2015 15:21

Not so happy meal..

stryder9090 28

Monday 12 January 2015 15:27

He's loving it

omgcyndaquil 23

Monday 12 January 2015 15:20

howard007 18

Monday 12 January 2015 17:02

"Sorry Ronald!" -Ops Bf

superspooky 13

Monday 12 January 2015 19:07

Or they could just NOT do it in a car.

kristabelli 19

Wednesday 14 January 2015 23:55

Girl on top is really the only way it works in the car. Good luck next time OP! Don't give up!

PrimeEvilTahir 24

Monday 12 January 2015 15:21

Not so happy meal..

kinky44 28

Monday 12 January 2015 15:34

Happy ending meal.

user716 11

Monday 12 January 2015 15:48

Fappy Meal

incoherentrmblr 21

Tuesday 13 January 2015 0:49

A bag of McJizz...

jerryj 27

Tuesday 13 January 2015 9:08

I doubt the ingenuity of #20's reply can be topped. Let us rejoice!

LittleMissShadow 16

Monday 12 January 2015 15:22

strokesie 23

Monday 12 January 2015 15:24

clairesucks 37

Monday 12 January 2015 15:26

Useful in so many situations

False_Stupidity 41

Monday 12 January 2015 19:12

Probably the best use yet for one, to be honest.

clairesucks 37

Monday 12 January 2015 15:24

Better luck next time OP

buckstop1 37

Monday 12 January 2015 21:52

or never

llalala_fml 19

Tuesday 13 January 2015 6:29

I read the #5s comment as "better **** next time" I think I like that more

howtobestupid 16

Monday 12 January 2015 15:26

I can't look at a McDonalds bag the same now

crimsonprodigy 15

Monday 12 January 2015 15:26

Should have switched positions to the hood of the car. Much more exciting.

nyte_assassin1 11

Monday 12 January 2015 15:26

"I'm loving it"

stryder9090 28

Monday 12 January 2015 15:27

He's loving it

missbrit818 20

Monday 12 January 2015 15:27

lol that sucks, but this is funny to read! Sorry about that though op!

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I work at a super toxic workplace, where the owner/boss takes part in some rude/bullying behavior and does nothing when I'm being bullied by coworkers. As a matter of fact, he takes their side. I have been looking for a new job in what I do, but haven't had any luck. FML

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Today, I have to pretend to be vegan for a week while visiting my in-laws to avoid eating there. While they are absolutely wonderful, kind, loving people, their kitchen is absolutely disgusting, and their food handling habits are atrocious. I’m so hungry. FML

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Today, during dinner with my wife's family, my daughter suddenly yelled, "DADDY TICKLES MOMMY'S BUM BUM!" I don't think I've ever received dirtier glares in my life. FML

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Today, I’m in China for work, and for the second time someone told me that I look like Vladimir Putin. FML

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Today, my thoughts are filled with fantasies of pleasuring my boss under his desk, to the point where it distracts me from job duties. I take a break and wank at work, and then I return to my normal way of thinking and how much I love my wife and how happy I am. Lust really can blind someone to what is important. FML

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Today, I flew home from college to see my parents. Later I found the expensive painting and hand-made necklace I mailed to my mom for mother's day while taking out the trash. FML

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