Sex, Food Intimacy Turned on

Turned on

Anonymous - 04/04/2009 10:57 - Denmark

Today, was the first time my boyfriend slept over. He was hard, so I woke him up by whispering in his ear, "If you could get me to do anything right now, what would it be?" His response, "Can you get me a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream?" He was hard, for ice cream. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Hidden secret

anonymous - 01/10/2016 09:00 - Australia - Tennyson

Today, I was with my boyfriend. He got up, shut the blinds and turned around to say, "I don't usually shut the blinds, but no one can see this." Assuming we were going to have sex, I took my pants off. He asked me what I was doing, then sat down to eat an entire tub of ice cream. FML

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Mr Floppy

rachiej8 - 10/06/2012 04:13 - United States - Fairlee

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML

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Anonymous - 21/12/2009 08:29 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend was sleeping, I got naked and sat on top of him. He woke up and I asked him if he would rather stay awake or go back to sleep, in hopes that he would stay awake and want to do some naughty stuff with me. His response? To grab my butt, and then go back to sleep. FML

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anonymaiacciu - 22/12/2012 01:16 - France

Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML

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Anonymous - 07/04/2015 21:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML

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Priority number one

soooyeah - 30/04/2009 12:15 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were laying naked in my bed making out. All of a sudden, we hear "pop goes the weasel" outside my house. My boyfriend stops and excitedly says, "ICE CREAM MAN", flips me over, grabs his clothes, and runs out of my room. FML

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That was quick

Anonymous - 09/09/2012 12:03 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML

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Anonymous - 06/10/2011 15:23 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML

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weirdlove - 23/01/2010 08:38 - Australia

Today, while my boyfriend and I were eating ice cream, he put his arm around me and began leaning in for what I thought was a kiss. Instead, he grabbed and began jiggling my stomach fat, along with making raspberry sounds. Once he was done, he did the same to my thighs. FML

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Anonymous - 12/02/2012 04:52 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. Soon, I noticed he was being very quiet. When I looked up, he was in a deep sleep. FML

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mrnicety 0

Saturday 4 April 2009 17:04

That's just daft, happens to guys whether they are in the mood or not when they wake up. Stop being so whiny

Saluton 18

Saturday 4 April 2009 17:05

uh... it's called morning wood and it doesn't work for sex. Sorry.

starvingxartist 0

Sunday 5 April 2009 0:08

duh, morning wood. have seriously never heard of it?

Jka_fml 0

Sunday 5 April 2009 0:12

Mmmmm mint chip

Nezuri 5

Sunday 5 April 2009 0:26

Morning wood. It happens all the time. You get used to it. I understand because it's the first time that he is sleeping over and you're wondering if the dream was anything sexual.

Truthbringer 0

Sunday 5 April 2009 0:44

did he make you scream? for ice cream?

ful_fml 0

Sunday 5 April 2009 0:51

Women do this kind of stuff ALL THE TIME! Why is it a FML just because a man did it?

jman0116 0

Sunday 5 April 2009 0:54

#83 has it right. dont get too flattered lolz

Bceoo 0

Sunday 5 April 2009 1:31

OMG! Thats my favorite type of ice-cream too! :D

roxxyangelgurl 0

Sunday 5 April 2009 1:33

Actually... when you're in REM sleep you get hard whether you're having a sexual dream or not.

crazy_cat_lady 0

Sunday 5 April 2009 2:02

I have to say, when I read the part about mint chocolate chip ice cream I got horny immediately.

deja54 0

Sunday 5 April 2009 2:14

Hey you got off easy. If someone woke me up in the morning asking if there was something I could do, I'd tell them they could leave for waking my ass up.