Sex, Injury Intimacy Traumatized knob

Traumatized knob

Anonymous - 10/03/2015 19:11

Today, I got my first handjob. I also found out today that a girl can pull your skin hard enough to cause it to bleed profusely. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Nasty

Anonymous - 30/08/2011 11:24 - Australia

Today, I got my first hand job. I started bleeding. FML

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southernluxe - 04/09/2011 09:36 - United States

Today, I got my first handjob. She ripped out a pube. It hurt so bad my eyes teared up. She asked what was wrong and not wanting to make her feel guilty I had to tell her it was "Just so good." FML

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Frustrated wank

Anonymous - 05/10/2023 19:00

Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML

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Hott

purple - 24/03/2012 05:30 - United States - Katy

Today, my girlfriend decided to pleasure me with a handjob. It was incredibly painful because she didn't understand that my foreskin isn't as flexible as she thought it to be. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop until she asked, "Is it supposed to turn this color?" FML

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valerie - 28/05/2011 01:04 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

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She's electric

nnniii - 16/11/2015 04:55 - United States - Seattle

Today, I tried to give my first hand-job while wearing fuzzy socks in a carpeted room. I reached out to touch his dick and shocked him. FML

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Cannachick - 17/07/2019 02:00

Today, I found out how messed up I am when a guy held a knife to my throat and it turned me on. FML

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illequipt - 16/03/2009 03:20 - Canada

Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML

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Anonymous - 30/12/2015 15:21 - Canada - Aurora

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

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Anonymous - 24/04/2013 18:56 - United States - Huntington Park

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

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1dvs_bstd 41

Wednesday 11 March 2015 10:10

Bro, did you get a handjob from freddy kruger?

lex1459 38

Wednesday 11 March 2015 10:11

How could she possibly have looked at what she was doing and gone "yeah, I bet that feels good"

Hash13 13

Wednesday 11 March 2015 23:44

Ahhh man ... I can feel the pain just reading abt it

TristanCamper 11

Thursday 12 March 2015 3:16

Sounds like it's the first handjob she's given too!

Drosophila82 18

Thursday 12 March 2015 4:57

Nor sure she knew exactly what she was doing. Also You should avoid any future BJ's.

twistedtwincity 17

Thursday 12 March 2015 5:05

Dude I got racing stripes on my first HJ. Funny looking back at it now

CO_RRA 11

Thursday 12 March 2015 6:30

And you didn't say anything?!

miner777 6

Thursday 12 March 2015 7:16

Next time tell her "AT LEAST SPIT ON IT!!"

Jonfun 14

Thursday 12 March 2015 8:28

You like it rough but not THAT rough.

reinhardtp 12

Thursday 12 March 2015 8:34

The struggle is real.

LAuroraD 17

Thursday 12 March 2015 8:42

LUBE!!!

HeWillBeLoved105 22

Thursday 12 March 2015 14:32

That makes me cringe. So sorry op.

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Awkward Pokémon Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, one of our store's beach balls came out of nowhere and whacked me in the back of my head. I started reaming out two young girls for playing in the store, even when they said it wasn't them. Soon after, one of my employees admitted that it was her. I made some 7-year-olds cry and it wasn't them. FML

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Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and accidentally called her Brad, which is one of my roommate's names, when I came. Now her and her friends think I'm gay, and my roomate Brad moved out. FML

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Today, I went on a blind date with a guy at a seafood restaurant. I explained to him that I am deathly allergic to shrimp. When the waiter took my order, he interrupted me and said, “She’ll have the shrimp," while looking me dead in the eye. FML

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Today, while working at a hospital, I told a patient to smile for the camera when taking an xray. His response was, "I have Bell's Palsy and haven't smiled in 5 years." FML

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Today, a waiter came up and and put out his hand so I gave him a high five and pounded it. He then says, "Um, that was a nice high five but I wanted your plate." FML

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Today, we needed a new TV after our old one died. My husband decided to splurge and ordered a 110 inch TV. It just got delivered and my husband now knows just how big 110 inches is. There is no wall in our house this thing will fit on, and the returns process is crazy complicated. FML

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