Animals: Today, I washed my hands and reached for the towel but felt...

By rb - 01/05/2011 06:02 - United States

Today, I washed my hands and reached for the towel but felt something sticky. It was a house centipede. It exploded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 784

You deserved it 3 587

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Same thing different taste

By yesikilledit - 20/11/2018 13:30

Today, I woke up and saw a piece of black fuzz on my shirt. I tried to pick it off but it crawled into my hand and stabbed my skin with its sharp legs. I screamed like a little girl because I had a centipede on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 368

You deserved it 341

By SpideyFace - 19/03/2011 01:36 - Canada

Today, with water in my eyes, I stepped out of the shower and rubbed my face with a towel. When I looked in the mirror, I realized there had been a giant spider on the towel. Its guts and legs were smeared all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 939

You deserved it 5 874

By thenotsomanlyman - 07/03/2011 16:17 - United States

Today, I flipped out when I saw a centipede. I screamed, very loudly and in a very high-pitched voice. My girlfriend came into the room, stomped on it, picked it up and threw it in the trashcan. I apologized to her for the scene and all she said was, "I'm used to it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 696

You deserved it 41 697

Act of kindness

By dre_bro11 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I found the same spider which I had let live yesterday hidden in my bath towel. I didn't find it until it was smeared on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 374

You deserved it 12 578

By yuckspider - 20/04/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 348

You deserved it 7 657

By yikes - 21/04/2012 08:36 - United States

Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 177

You deserved it 3 785

Juicy breakfast

By Anonymous - 07/01/2022 01:01 - Canada - Warman

Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 166

Hello little guy

By Anonymous - 14/05/2021 00:00

Today, I put my house shoes on without socks, but felt a rock in them. I shook it free and out dropped a half-crushed roach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 007

You deserved it 123

He was just chillin'

By Anonymous - 04/07/2021 13:59

Today, I was taking a shower when I noticed the huge spider above my head. Now, being the smart person I am, I sprayed the water up at it, causing it to fall. Right on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 1 029

Invasion

By Karmas3itch - 12/05/2009 04:19 - United States

Today, I was taking a bath and needed shampoo. I leaned on the soap holder to get some and it came off the wall. Huge ants started pouring out running up the walls, down the walls, EVERYWHERE. I ran out of the bathroom screaming, completely naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 951

You deserved it 6 778

IntoTheClouds 42

Sunday 1 May 2011 16:15

Looks like you were in a bit of a sticky situation.

ECMchase 0

Sunday 1 May 2011 16:16

Suicide bomber centipede.

Comments

anghellic9 0

Sunday 1 May 2011 23:36

note to self, watch out for exploding centipedes.

paigeorpage123 0

Sunday 1 May 2011 23:48

God, I hate those things.

CTVrhythmguitari 8

Monday 2 May 2011 0:33

I thought this was disgusting, but I laughed really hard when I read "It exploded." xD

bonerlicious23 0

Monday 2 May 2011 0:42

atleast it wasn't a human centipede :p

Peloponesse 0

Monday 2 May 2011 2:10

Damn nature, you scary!

dakins 0

Monday 2 May 2011 2:40

ewwwww................. at least it only got on ur hands, u could have rubbed the towel on ur face. buy hand sanitizer and move on with ur day.

droppedloser 7

Monday 2 May 2011 2:47

bugs life I've only seen it 200 and something times

droppedloser 7

Monday 2 May 2011 2:49

sorry that was 2

khlinka 0

Monday 2 May 2011 3:47

Ewwwwwwww lol that'd probably make me puke.

HOLYSHIAT 3

Monday 2 May 2011 5:43

YUM!

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Today, at work as a massage therapist, I pulled down the guy's blanket slightly to massage his lower back. There were shit stains spreading from his ass crack all the way to his mid-back. When I told him, he wanted me to massage there anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 473

You deserved it 1 922

Today, it is my wedding day. I couldn't find my very expensive wedding dress anywhere. After almost 2 hours of panic and chaos, I found it in my pool, covered in red paint, with a note on one of my lounge chairs reading, "Today is MY wedding day, bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 634

You deserved it 4 330

Today, my OnlyFans account got deactivated, and no one will give me a reason as to why. There goes $200… FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 329

Today, I got locked out of my car while the engine was idling. The "good news"? My dog inside the car thought this was the funniest thing ever and barked happily every time I tried to open it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320

You deserved it 257

Today, I was sick, and my voice was really low and raspy. A cute guy smiled at me and said hi, so I said hi too. He looked shocked and said, "Sorry bro, thought you were a girl." I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 538

You deserved it 2 304

Today, I had to purchase a new flat screen TV for the bar I work at. Last night I was dared to break an ashtray against the wall. I completely missed the wall and smashed the screen of the new TV they bought last month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 641

You deserved it 48 064