Animals: Today, I washed my hands and reached for the towel but felt...

By rb - 01/05/2011 06:02 - United States

Today, I washed my hands and reached for the towel but felt something sticky. It was a house centipede. It exploded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 784

You deserved it 3 587

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Same thing different taste

By yesikilledit - 20/11/2018 13:30

Today, I woke up and saw a piece of black fuzz on my shirt. I tried to pick it off but it crawled into my hand and stabbed my skin with its sharp legs. I screamed like a little girl because I had a centipede on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 368

You deserved it 341

By SpideyFace - 19/03/2011 01:36 - Canada

Today, with water in my eyes, I stepped out of the shower and rubbed my face with a towel. When I looked in the mirror, I realized there had been a giant spider on the towel. Its guts and legs were smeared all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 939

You deserved it 5 874

By thenotsomanlyman - 07/03/2011 16:17 - United States

Today, I flipped out when I saw a centipede. I screamed, very loudly and in a very high-pitched voice. My girlfriend came into the room, stomped on it, picked it up and threw it in the trashcan. I apologized to her for the scene and all she said was, "I'm used to it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 696

You deserved it 41 697

Act of kindness

By dre_bro11 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I found the same spider which I had let live yesterday hidden in my bath towel. I didn't find it until it was smeared on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 374

You deserved it 12 578

By yuckspider - 20/04/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 348

You deserved it 7 657

By yikes - 21/04/2012 08:36 - United States

Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 177

You deserved it 3 785

Juicy breakfast

By Anonymous - 07/01/2022 01:01 - Canada - Warman

Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 166

Hello little guy

By Anonymous - 14/05/2021 00:00

Today, I put my house shoes on without socks, but felt a rock in them. I shook it free and out dropped a half-crushed roach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 007

You deserved it 123

He was just chillin'

By Anonymous - 04/07/2021 13:59

Today, I was taking a shower when I noticed the huge spider above my head. Now, being the smart person I am, I sprayed the water up at it, causing it to fall. Right on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 1 029

Invasion

By Karmas3itch - 12/05/2009 04:19 - United States

Today, I was taking a bath and needed shampoo. I leaned on the soap holder to get some and it came off the wall. Huge ants started pouring out running up the walls, down the walls, EVERYWHERE. I ran out of the bathroom screaming, completely naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 951

You deserved it 6 778

IntoTheClouds 42

Sunday 1 May 2011 16:15

Looks like you were in a bit of a sticky situation.

ECMchase 0

Sunday 1 May 2011 16:16

Suicide bomber centipede.

Comments

TraceCase_ 19

Sunday 1 May 2011 21:08

Yeah buddy! They can sting you too and run 16" per second.

Shawnee_dear 10

Sunday 1 May 2011 21:08

I think it's the wording of this that made it so funny.(:

u_mad_bro_fml 13

Sunday 1 May 2011 21:11

Ohhh man, thats freakin gross! FYL op!! Dx

teeheelicious 2

Sunday 1 May 2011 21:15

EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

XxbrokeNCYDExX 6

Sunday 1 May 2011 21:16

o_o FYL

insidejokeswithm 0

Sunday 1 May 2011 21:39

I never knew that's what they are called! I hate them! they sting?!

LinTurk 4

Sunday 1 May 2011 21:55

how the hell did it explode???

mandipandi30 0

Sunday 1 May 2011 22:26

hahaha ya how did it explode?! that's just plain nasty though....

TheCountess 4

Monday 13 June 2011 12:50

How is it that it took three and a half pages of comments before someone asked this question?

Commander223 9

Sunday 1 May 2011 22:36

After the second comment I thought it would say "My sons ****" or something like that

Commander223 9

Monday 2 May 2011 1:47

Sorry i meant "Sentence"

3kei 1

Sunday 1 May 2011 22:43

the use of the word explode, makes the fml sound really intense!

skyeyez9 24

Sunday 1 May 2011 23:07

He declared jihad on your towel and exploded.

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I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 133

Today, I have a massive headache, thanks to my asshat of a roommate, who decided to balance our tea kettle on the top of the kitchen door. When I stumbled into the kitchen, half-awake, it came smashing down onto my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 116

You deserved it 2 047

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I agree, your life sucks 4 522

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I agree, your life sucks 1 901

You deserved it 345

Today, my seasonal allergies started. Most annoying thing by far this allergy season? I only get the urge to sneeze when I have food in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 616

You deserved it 1 786

Today, dealing with anxiety and depression, I finally got up the energy to bake. I chose homemade enchiladas. I then spent the whole day walking from the toilet to the nearest couch (and vice versa), feeling like my intestines were going to blow. No more enchiladas for me for a long time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 215