Sex, Texting Intimacy Stop - FML

Stop

dad - 03/03/2009 22:28 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year-old daughter texted me from her room, "Stop." FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Revelations

ed5509 - 25/12/2021 22:59 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, I received a text from a man my wife had an affair with, in which he stated that my 18 year-old daughter is biologically his. He then sent me pictures of her that my wife had sent to him. FML

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MGZ - 19/10/2009 02:33 - United States

Today, I told my 13 year-old daughter that she was grounded from using her phone. Later on, I get an important call regarding a job that I have been after. After I'd picked up the phone, my daughter starts screaming, "HELP! RAPE! HELP!" on the other phone. I don't think I'll be getting the job. FML

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Noname - 06/03/2009 19:04 - United States

Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML

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OhFseriously123 - 06/08/2009 10:05 - Italy

Today, I was having sex with a girl. She was really into it and not holding back on the noise...That is, until I received a text message from my little sister next door reading "If she is making that much noise, she is probably faking it...Trust me, I know." FML

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Oops54321 - 28/09/2009 07:12 - France

Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first and she didn't reply, so I sent more and more and then I got one back saying 'Stay away from my little girl.' FML

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angrymother - 27/07/2016 01:21

Today, I caught my 20 year old daughter having sex with my best friend's husband. Apparently it's my fault for coming home early. FML

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Anonymous - 10/07/2013 16:38 - United States - Spencer

Today, my 15-year-old birth daughter asked if I've ever had sex. FML

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All kinds of wrong

Anonymous - 10/04/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I had my girlfriend over after my wife went to work. She looked so sexy in her outfit, I couldn’t resist. I ripped her clothes off and began to do her on my couch… until I heard my daughter’s voice asking, “Dad, who’s that?” Apparently, she was home sick from school. FML

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Disrespectful

awskme - 09/01/2010 00:36 - France

Today, I was having passionate sex with my girlfriend of nine months. She was making a lot of noise, so I told her to keep it down, and reminded her that my parents and sister downstairs. A few minutes later, I got a text from my sister, saying my parents wanted to make sure I was wearing a condom. FML

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aprouddaddy - 04/12/2014 23:46 - France - Paris

Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML

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MissFae 0

Wednesday 4 March 2009 9:53

Why are you checking texts in the middle of sex? We're gonna see your wife posting here next...

Edmund_Dantes 0

Wednesday 4 March 2009 9:41

"in a minute!"

madalou2012 0

Sunday 5 April 2009 2:13

she's jealous that she isn't getting any ass.

poprockbomber_x 0

Monday 6 April 2009 3:39

i did that to my parents! :D

SeiferAlmasy 0

Tuesday 7 April 2009 2:35

YDI for letting your fourteen year old have her own cell phone.

lexxi_fml 0

Friday 10 April 2009 0:25

#13 is a creeper.......

MissMel_fml 0

Thursday 16 April 2009 2:08

hahaha ive so done that to my rents too! i was then told that i was having a nightmare and to go back to bed :P

cspinky 0

Saturday 18 April 2009 7:16

GOOD FOR HER. daym if my rents did tht i...idk what i would do..lol atLEAST wait til she leaves the houseee!!!

MechaMew2 0

Saturday 25 April 2009 7:40

@#11 "Today I was having sex with my husband, and right in the middle, he picks up his phone to check a text message. Turns out it was our daughter telling us to stop. FML." Fix'd.

Katlynnnn 0

Thursday 30 April 2009 17:29

Silly daughter. Silly parents.

ad_infinitum 0

Monday 11 May 2009 22:11

#147: You are immature. You are alive because your parents had sex, think about it. But yes, being quiet after having children is really important.

wollzilla 0

Wednesday 13 May 2009 10:30

poor parents.

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my mother felt the need to remind me not to fall in love with a fictional character. After laughing and reassuring her that I knew the difference between fiction and reality, she replied, "You know, honey, sometimes I'm not so sure." FML

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Today, I overheard my in-laws talking about me. It started off with light insults and ended with, "People like her are the reason murder ain't always wrong". FML

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Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my family for the first time. My mother's immediate reaction was, "We didn't know you were gay!" No mom, she really is a girl. FML

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Today, I went to court to file a small claim and found myself at the end of a huge line. The moment I got to the front of the line, the fire alarm went off and we all had to leave the building. The moment I got outside, the alarm stopped and everybody rushed back in. I'm at the back of the line. FML

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Today, I spotted an elderly man trying to use the ladder at work. Knowing customers aren't supposed to use these, I went over and helped. Not only did I fall from the ladder, but I landed on the old man's foot, breaking my elbow and fracturing his toe. FML

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Today, I got a prank call. I now wish he'd call back so I can actually talk to someone. FML

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