Sex, Embarrassing, Gross, Awkward Intimacy Quick thinking

Quick thinking

rolyat - 01/05/2012 16:41 - United States - Rochester

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my underwear off, she looked at my penis, snorted, and covered her mouth. She claimed that her "allergies" were flaring and we have to wait until they clear up. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

You coming?

snotface - 23/04/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She started panting harder and going, "AH, AH, AH..." and I thought she was about to come. Next thing I know, there's snot splattered all over my face and neck. Turns out it was a sneeze. FML

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shitfaced - 18/09/2015 17:30 - Netherlands - Sassenheim

Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML

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Peaked

herve - 22/05/2009 19:50 - Lebanon

Today, my girlfriend of two years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML

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We all do it. Don't we?

Anonymous - 30/08/2010 07:30 - United States

Today, I saw my girlfriend scratch her crotch and then sniff her fingers. FML

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Rash beard

Rashbeard - 05/01/2020 01:00

Today, I was eating out with my partner, and we decided to use the new lube we bought. Things went great until I later realized I was allergic to it and a large red rash spread all across my mouth and chin. It won't go away. FML

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Freaked out

Anonymous - 16/06/2020 02:02

Today, I was about to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my shirt off, she saw my chest acne. She ran out of my house and hasn't spoken to me in 5 hours. FML

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goo - 10/02/2017 18:00 - United States - Louisville

Today, while having fun between the sheets with my boyfriend, his allergies got the best of him and his nose started running. Every time he kissed me he'd drip snot onto my face. When I complained, he said I was being insensitive. FML

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WorstMedicalBill - 20/11/2009 14:53 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when I realized I had to sneeze. Not wanting to sneeze on her, I tried my hardest to hold it in. When I climaxed, I couldn't hold it in any more and sneezed all over her face. FML

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Geez - 19/10/2009 17:02 - Netherlands

Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML

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Anonymous - 16/04/2013 23:21 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. A few hours later, we discovered he's highly allergic to my Summer's Eve soap. He looks like he's been attacked by bees. Yay for losing my v-card. FML

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richy90255 8

Wednesday 2 May 2012 0:32

Next time if there if is a next time

Keyganator 5

Wednesday 2 May 2012 0:34

Hey, they don't call it fun sized for nothing! ; )

luvscomplic8ed 6

Thursday 3 May 2012 3:19

Harsh...

BH1126 11

Thursday 3 May 2012 5:09

Damn I'm glad I'm a female! Sorry OP! :-/

cuntlyadams 0

Thursday 3 May 2012 5:29

Wooow

salman_fml 3

Thursday 3 May 2012 6:25

Congrats ur girlfriend's a hooker.

bwtchinheels 0

Thursday 3 May 2012 6:30

Ur a bitch, mind ur own ******* business

RedPillSucks 31

Thursday 3 May 2012 16:25

And thus, another 40 year old virgin is born.

kjtk 2

Thursday 3 May 2012 22:21

Just for telling the world that on fml I hope it happens Everytime a girl sees ur tiny dick. U Americans. Wow. Tell the world everything. Ha!

N8Diggity 1

Friday 4 May 2012 3:28

I'm sorry you got a small dick...

Mitchb13 1

Saturday 5 May 2012 1:38

Its not about the size of the boat, its the motion of the ocean

Go_Away_141998 4

Saturday 5 May 2012 2:11

At least she tried to spare your feelings.

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I sparkled because of this glitter bar my mother got me from Lush. I didn't realize until after I got out of the shower that it wasn't just ordinary soap. I tried to wipe off the glitter. It wouldn't come off. FML

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Today, a dog bit me on the bus. Instead of apologising, its owner said it was my fault because my hands "must smell of meat". I'm a vegetarian. FML

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Today, while I was walking downtown a homeless person asked me for a dollar. I thought it would be funny to wave the dollar in his face and taunt him. I guess he thought it would be funny to stab me in the leg with a pencil. FML

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Today, I took a online midterm for a 400 level class I need to graduate this winter. I didn't realize that Proctorio links your computer to your phone, so when I opened my phone and googled the exact question, it gave me a notification on my screen which Proctorio screen recorded. FML

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Today, my boss threw a party for everyone in the office who has a birthday in September. Everyone got a cake with their names on it except me. My birthday is today. FML

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Today, I had a miscarriage. My partner doesn't understand why I'm upset, saying, "It wasn't even a real baby yet." FML

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