Miscellaneous Procrastination - FML

Procrastination

Anonymous - 14/10/2009 17:01 - United States

Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

AKA taking a screenshot

Anonymous - 05/10/2020 11:02 - United States - White Plains

Today, I was holding in pee because i was so busy at work. When I finally got up to relieve myself, I pulled down my pants, sneezed at that exact moment and peed all over the bathroom floor. FML

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Faulty plumbing

Anonymous - 08/02/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, after just waking up, I sneezed, which caused me to piss myself. FML

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Rememberance Day special

Crappy circumstances - 11/11/2025 12:00

Today, I had to shit worse than I thought possible at work. I left my desk and hurried towards the bathroom, dropping trou as soon as the door closed. I then tripped over my pant leg, hit my head on the toilet, and came to some minutes later with my ass spewing diarrhea like a volcano. FML

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Better safe than sorry

Anonymous - 21/08/2025 23:00 - Australia

Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML

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bglenney - 15/08/2013 09:47 - United States

Today, for the first time in my life, I simultaneously sneezed, peed and farted. I was giving a presentation at work when this happened. FML

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Earthquake sneezer

Noname - 27/01/2009 00:02 - Japan

Today, I sneezed so hard I herniated my back. After passing out from the pain I awoke on the floor covered in my own shit and piss. Unable to move, I had to wait in this state for four hours for my wife to return home from work, clean me up and take me to the hospital. FML

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Too trusting

Anonymous - 07/09/2023 08:02 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I tried to stifle a sneeze while on the train and instead shat myself a little bit. FML

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PTSD

I have Flashbacks Now - 10/11/2016 21:15 - United States - Woonsocket

Today, while going to the mall, I witnessed the horror of someone sneezing and shitting themselves at the same time. FML

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How smelly is your piss?

Anonymous - 08/04/2021 21:00 - Finland

Today, I peed myself in the dressing room after work when I sneezed. Someone else just walked in as I was trying to dry off my jeans with paper, and probably smelled that I had peed myself. FML

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Sweet release

Anonymous - 14/12/2018 03:00

Today, I sneezed and shit myself in bed. It was the first time I'd ever slept at my girlfriend's house, and probably the last as well. FML

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chop_buster 0

Wednesday 14 October 2009 23:21

Hahaha, I'm an annoying twerp and shit.

hk_fml 9

Wednesday 14 October 2009 23:21

LOL xD the wording of this makes it even better.

ilovefoodyesido 0

Tuesday 26 October 2010 9:58

hahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!

zxpr0jk 0

Saturday 6 November 2010 19:50

As everyone else has said, "Nothing in my life has prepared me for this" is what makes the whole post hilarious.

kristineszLIFE 0

Friday 12 November 2010 21:22

Eww carpet in a bathroom

N0tabasicweezy 0

Saturday 20 November 2010 3:15

Probably the best fml ever especially the last part

mmsefcovic 0

Tuesday 23 November 2010 1:46

thats awesome!

GuillermoCJ 0

Tuesday 4 January 2011 9:20

hahahaahahhahaahhahaahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahajahahaahahahahhahahahahahahahhaah xD

n_epic_fail 14

Sunday 6 February 2011 7:42

haha, damn!! I'm laughing so hard I might shit myself!! u just made my night xD

roflmfao13 0

Tuesday 15 February 2011 5:31

Bless You.

Reaper5639 16

Monday 28 February 2011 12:28

Lmfao!!!! Dude next time wear underpants it may of helped to prepare you

legitney 0

Monday 21 March 2011 22:00

HAHAHAHAAA

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my dad stumbled home drunk at closing time and woke the whole house with a bang by attempting to heat a tin of baked beans in the microwave, without removing the beans from the tin first. FML

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Today, when I got home from work, my fiancé was finishing up with the plumber who had just installed new fixtures for our shower. I decided that I was going to be the first to break it in. I went to the bathroom, got undressed and went to start the water. The OTHER plumber was still in there. FML

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Today, I was stood up on a date. Her excuse? "I had to work out." FML

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Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML

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Today, I told my almost 18 year-old that she couldn’t go to a school event because I needed her to watch her younger siblings so I could go out with my sisters. She scoffed, “You have four baby daddies and not one can babysit?” and then went to the event anyway. FML

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Today, and for the past week, I've come to accept that my dad's business is failing. He's used to hiring people willing to work for little pay from a street corner, and now those guys have all but vanished. No "real" Americans want to work for him, even for minimum wage. This country is fucked. FML

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