Intimacy Dorito Man - FML

Dorito Man

Anonymous - 27/06/2014 23:50 - United States - Parker

Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of Doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the Doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
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Dirty talk

Anonymous - 05/12/2010 06:57 - United States

Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML

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Smooth talking

...thanks honey - 18/08/2010 06:23 - United States

Today, I put on my new sexy lingerie to get my husband in the mood after work. When I walked into the kitchen where he was reading the newspaper, he eyed me and simply said, "Honey, please, your stomach is the biggest turnoff ever." FML

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Jumping to conclusions

Anonymous - 08/03/2015 10:33 - United Kingdom - The Hyde

Today, I decided to put on some sexy lingerie and wait for my husband to come home to surprise him. He took one look at me and immediately accused me of cheating. He was convinced my explanation was a lie and that I'd rushed some guy out the back door when he came home. FML

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Turn it off

Anonymous - 26/03/2022 06:00

Today, I got dressed up in lingerie for my boyfriend. He looked at me, said, "Nice," then went back to watching TV and drinking beer. FML

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Expectations

Anonymous - 02/01/2022 05:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I are on vacation. He was watching TV, and I thought I’d try to be sexy, so I walked in wearing lingerie. He smiled at me and said, “What the hell are you wearing?” FML

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Anonymous - 03/01/2011 08:42 - United States

Today, I put on a lacy dress with nothing underneath and walked nonchalantly into the living room. My husband took one look at me, let out a heavy sigh and said, "Right now?" FML

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canispankthat - 01/10/2010 11:07 - United States

Today, I caught my husband modeling my cute floral panties. All he could manage to say was "I love you." FML

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Classic dude moment

Two hundred down - 06/08/2023 22:00 - United States

Today, my husband hasn’t touched me in ages. I bought sexy lingerie and walked around the house in them. My husband wouldn’t budge. When I asked him why he didn't want to get physical, he told me, “You want me to be honest? Do some sit ups and butt squats, then I’ll be all over you like cheese on macaroni.” FML

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Tonya - 28/06/2009 03:01 - United States

Today, I left the house for a while and when I came back my husband was wearing my lacy lingerie. He looks better in it than I do. FML

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lollipopp56 - 26/03/2009 06:09 - Canada

Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by dressing up in sexy lingerie. When I went to answer the door he was standing there with a shocked expression, his friends parked in the driveway had the same expression as well. He came to break up with me. He told me after we had sex. FML

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DonkeyTeeth2013 22

Saturday 28 June 2014 5:51

His priorities are straight.

jad0016 12

Saturday 28 June 2014 5:52

Haha well Doritos are pretty damn good

giannalsf 9

Sunday 29 June 2014 4:24

Never get between a man and his doritos

imslappy 8

Sunday 29 June 2014 13:35

wish my other half would do that I would jump on her....

McMelons 9

Sunday 29 June 2014 13:44

He'll regret it when he is too fat from all the dorritos to have sex

Thatguy334 7

Sunday 29 June 2014 19:23

Are you sure you're his wife and not his beard?

SushiStarfish 2

Sunday 29 June 2014 20:27

fifa hurts us all

airportlad 4

Sunday 29 June 2014 21:06

A wise man

Kittun 17

Sunday 29 June 2014 21:12

Darn it. Now I need Doritos.

soccerdennis 1

Sunday 29 June 2014 21:42

Nice haha

linjizzy 6

Monday 30 June 2014 9:52

Next Doritos commercial

babeababe 16

Monday 30 June 2014 10:16

That could be a winning Doritos commercial!

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I got a two dollar raise. Unfortunately, I recently accepted a transfer to a job on the other side of the state to what was, at the time, a more lucrative position. I can't cancel it, so now I get to move into a pay cut. FML

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Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate in an alley. He pushed me up against a wall and started kissing me, but he pushed me so hard I cut open my head and needed 10 stitches. FML

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Today, I hit a patch of black ice and totaled my car. The car is a month old. For the next 5 years I'll be paying for a car I can't drive. FML

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Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger in her ear. She then let me know that her earwax tasted better than the dinner I made. In front of my whole family. FML

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Today, I was in the bathroom, when someone came up behind me. Instead of waiting for a urinal to free up, he wedged his way in between me and another guy, and promptly began peeing in my urinal, crossing streams in the process. FML

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Today, I was pickpocketed. I didn't realize until I stopped to get breakfast. I went back home to see that my dog had taken my wallet and had ripped and torn it up. I was pickpocketed by my own dog. FML

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