Love, Intimacy, Sex, Bodyshaming Awkward Classic dude moment - FML

Classic dude moment

Two hundred down - 06/08/2023 22:00 - United States

Today, my husband hasn’t touched me in ages. I bought sexy lingerie and walked around the house in them. My husband wouldn’t budge. When I asked him why he didn't want to get physical, he told me, “You want me to be honest? Do some sit ups and butt squats, then I’ll be all over you like cheese on macaroni.” FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Smooth talking

...thanks honey - 18/08/2010 06:23 - United States

Today, I put on my new sexy lingerie to get my husband in the mood after work. When I walked into the kitchen where he was reading the newspaper, he eyed me and simply said, "Honey, please, your stomach is the biggest turnoff ever." FML

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Dorito Man

Anonymous - 27/06/2014 23:50 - United States - Parker

Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of Doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the Doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML

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Benny Goodman classic

Anonymous - 24/02/2021 17:00 - United States

Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, my husband was not in the mood for sex. He told me this while masturbating. FML

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Are you kidding me right now?

Not your maid - 29/03/2023 16:00

Today, my husband had the cheek to ask me, “What’s for dinner tonight?” and “I have no clean slacks for tomorrow can you wash me some?” no more than 10 minutes after he told me he wants us to see other people. FML

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Dirty talk

Anonymous - 05/12/2010 06:57 - United States

Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML

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What are you hiding?

Horny af - 05/10/2025 22:00

Today, after several grueling weeks at the gym, my moribund sex drive suddenly kicked into high gear. All I want is for my husband to fuck me senseless, but he's now convinced I'm just trying to butter him up before dropping a bombshell. FML

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szinna - 07/06/2009 19:14 - United States

Today, in an effort to seduce my husband, I laid in bed caressing myself. He walked in, looked at me, and said, "Is the ground beef in the freezer still good?" When I answered yes, he turned and walked out of the room. FML

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What is it with these dudes?

Pancake butt - 16/09/2023 00:02

Today, I saw my husband comment on a celebrity’s Instagram post that he would “eat her ass like a cupcake.” I’ve asked him to do the same to me once and he told me wasn’t into eating ass. So when I called him out on it, he replied, “Maybe if you did squats and worked out that pancake butt of yours, I would.” FML

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Anonymous - 14/02/2013 23:00 - United Kingdom - Kilkeel

Today, I felt frisky, so I did my hair and put on make-up and some lingerie. I walked into the living room, where my husband was playing a video game. He glanced up, said, "Oh, for fuck's sake." and made me wait nearly 15 minutes for him to reach a save-game point. FML

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Tonya - 28/06/2009 03:01 - United States

Today, I left the house for a while and when I came back my husband was wearing my lacy lingerie. He looks better in it than I do. FML

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ahabsfan 15

Monday 7 August 2023 4:23

Trying to spice up the marriage, that’s big of you.

Doom_Kitty 14

Monday 7 August 2023 15:15

Ahhh the great "hanging balls, lighting hair, crumpled ass but you're not looking like a super model for me" discussion. Love it.

ahabsfan 15

Monday 7 August 2023 4:23

Trying to spice up the marriage, that’s big of you.

lq87 2

Monday 7 August 2023 5:51

my husband called me fat and lazy a few months ago during an argument, so I totally understand

MajikNerd 1

Monday 7 August 2023 6:23

My wife does the same. Maybe we should be friends. I completely understand!

RichardPencil 30

Monday 7 August 2023 9:29

By using an analogy like that, I'm guessing he's not exactly a beanpole himself.

Doom_Kitty 14

Monday 7 August 2023 15:15

Ahhh the great "hanging balls, lighting hair, crumpled ass but you're not looking like a super model for me" discussion. Love it.

SylvarLorali 4

Monday 7 August 2023 18:58

Wow... thats cold and nasty. My advice? lose 100kgs in a flash and dump his ass.

anonabri 3

Tuesday 8 August 2023 8:07

divorce

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, a girl came up to me on the street and said, "You have like no swag, bro." Feeling clever, I said, "At least I have a high school education." She then took out her work ID, showing me that she was a surgeon, flipped me off, then walked away saying, "This is totally going on Facebook." FML

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Today, I was at the local theatre watching "The Nutcracker" ballet with my mother. When the prince made his appearance in his tights my mother leans over to me and says, "Those are some well defined butt cheeks!" loud enough for everyone around us to hear. FML

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Today, during my boyfriend's birthday dinner, his father shouted, “Jessica, can you slice me a piece too?” My name isn’t Jessica and I’ve been in their family for over two years. FML

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Today, after my husband said he forgot our anniversary 2 days ago because he was so focused on planning for today, he forgot what was so important about today. It's my birthday. FML

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Today, I tried to convince my boyfriend to come over, telling him it would be "worth his time." He asked, "How?" I said, "Dazzling conversation of course. Just kidding, you'll probably get laid." He replied, "Oh. Well I would if it was for the conversation." FML

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Today, my crush started uploading pictures and writing sweet messages about a girl on her status, so I assumed that she was into girls, and lost all hope. Turns out that the girl in question had passed away, and she was remembering her. FML

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