Intimacy Clenched

Clenched

Lovergirl - 01/01/2010 20:23 - United States

Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Breathtaking view

Anonymous - 04/11/2025 00:00

Today, my husband farted while he was naked and bending over to pick up his clothes, so me lying on the bed got a perfect view of his butthole twitching and flapping around as the gas escaped. Who says romance is dead? FML

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Hilarious

Anonymous - 01/02/2012 20:21 - United States

Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML

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Blasted

coolest_mom - 25/11/2015 06:00

Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML

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byebyeromance - 26/08/2014 01:03 - United States - State College

Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML

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Crack wars

Grimmy - - United States - Brunswick

Today, after asking my hubby for what seems the millionth time to stop shoving his finger into my bum crack, I thought it would be funny to give him a taste of his own medicine by doing it to him. Right as my finger was in his crack, he let loose a huge fart. FML

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Threat Neutralized

Anonymous - 23/07/2018 18:36 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I farted so loudly in my sleep that it woke myself, my husband, and our cat. The cat let me know he was startled by clawing and biting the perceived threat, my bum. FML

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Leaked

Morgan Bailey - 18/09/2018 14:00

Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML

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Thanks Honey - 05/06/2013 15:08 - United States

Today, I found my husband farting on my pillows, bare ass. His only words were, "This isn't what it looks like." FML

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The language of love

disgusted - 24/09/2012 19:16 - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

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Big Baby - 28/01/2017 00:00

Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML

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GeekLogic 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 1:26

A skunk's defense against the buttsecks?

Fmypanda 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 1:32

**** your husband's life.

MrJojobinks 6

Wednesday 17 August 2011 9:59

nasty!

shanniemac 2

Monday 24 October 2011 21:50

Bwahaha!!! Awesome in gross sort of way.

lanken84 1

Tuesday 5 June 2012 20:19

I bet he never slaps your ass again

DUBSTEP_WUB_WUB 1

Monday 9 July 2012 17:09

Dubstep: it does things to you

fizzypops123 12

Sunday 7 April 2013 15:10

Well at least he's your hubby, by know he knows you're not perfect .. Worse and grosser things will happen

octaviamarieb 18

Thursday 15 August 2013 1:19

so.. what you are saying is.. he slapped the shit out of you?

cluch3 22

Thursday 13 February 2014 22:52

Hagahahahahaha

THE_AJ26 11

Thursday 13 August 2015 7:12

You know there's something wrong when your butt's twitching and your not twerking....

prettygurl89 16

Sunday 30 August 2015 7:17

Oh. My. God.

rosiedreams94 7

Tuesday 8 December 2015 1:15

Well that's a shitty way to start off the morning. lol. I've heard of way worse happening so it'll be ok. Besides it sound like your husband totally deserves it.