Wanker Intimacy Caught

Caught

Boredom - 26/01/2009 21:09 - United States

Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

False alarm

dirtyhands - 18/02/2009 23:01 - United States

Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML

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Great chat!

eric - 16/03/2011 07:31 - United States

Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML

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Self harm

Embarrassed - 06/12/2018 03:00

Today, I managed to give myself a blowjob and it was great. The only problem is that I got stuck between the wall and my bed while I was doing it. I had to call for help and my whole family came to see what was wrong. They all knew what I was doing. FML

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Play it cool

Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

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Knock next time please

Anonymous - 09/11/2020 21:32 - India

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML

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Overdoing it a bit

Anonymous - 12/11/2022 16:00

Today, I masturbated so hard I got a cramp in my forearm muscle so unexpectedly that my hand spasmed, slipped off my penis, and I punched myself in the face. FML

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You wanker!

Nik - - United States

Today, I went to the doctor because I broke my wrist. My mom told the nurse that I broke it while masturbating. FML

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Jared - 25/02/2012 19:09 - United States

Today, I got so bored that I drew a face on my index finger, and made a video of me garrotting it with a string. I ended up rupturing a blood vessel, and had to think up a cover story for my girlfriend to explain my screaming. FML

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Anonymous - 25/08/2018 19:30 - United States - Bellerose

Today, I had to get stitches on my nutsack. I didn't know my mom had waxed the bathroom floor, and while I was stepping into the tub to take a shower my feet slipped in different directions. I landed crotch-first on the metal door frame. FML

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Hot boy summer

dumbassbuffet - 11/11/2011 15:53 - Canada

Today, I cut my penis on a desk fan. FML

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MisterJD 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 15:37

Gravity - you fought the law, and the law won.

Inkspell 2

Friday 13 February 2009 2:01

wait-wtf? why is barely anyone messing with this guy about an attempt at giving himself a *******, that's...friggen disgusting..wth? some of you even ask how to do it and ..wtf?! Well.. i'm only 15..so i woudn't know..but jebus guys, what the blazing balls.

mtorres8789 0

Sunday 14 June 2009 8:01

nasty nasty nastY! Lol. WHy would someone want to suck their own when a girl can do it? Isn't that kind of gayish? Cause your being turned on bybeing able to suck your own. So sick lol.

silly_kate 0

Friday 3 July 2009 13:16

ha ha, you can always did Marilyn Manson did!

chocoLIFE_fml 2

Tuesday 7 July 2009 4:35

nasty

Caddy23 0

Saturday 11 July 2009 6:14

lol that nasty. And btw the Marilyn Manson thing is fiction. He didnt really do that.

discosoup 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 20:15

I used to be able to do that...when I was twelve years old and super skinny.

Chick3n_fml 0

Wednesday 5 August 2009 20:25

Why... would you try to do that?

Keyosu 0

Sunday 9 August 2009 9:37

dude thats disgusting. and its even more disgusting to see that some ppl would rather do it themselves then have their gf do it for them. imagine. GF:want me to give you a ******** YOU:nah i can do it myslef.