Cats, Painful Animals Caught off guard

Caught off guard

dooommage - - France

Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Hang in there

ouch - - United States - Wilmington

Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML

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Time to go wireless

Anonymous - - United Kingdom - Telford

Today, while trying to open the packaging to my new headphones, I got startled by my cat suddenly meowing, and cut through the headphone wire. FML

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Caturday surprise!

keeperstride - - United States

Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with an infection, swollen nuts, and a hole in my butt for which I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML

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Freak out

zAstonish - - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML

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The left hand, the right hand

Anonymous - - Netherlands

Today, I was out walking my dog. I was throwing a stick in the lake so he could go get it (he loves swimming). A friend called me. After I was done calling, another friend came by, and we talked for a while. When my dog barked, I accidentally threw my iPhone into the water instead of his stick. FML

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Self defence

Anonymous - - United States

Today, I went to my grandmother's house to pick up her cat to take him to the vet. She forgot who I was and sprayed me in the face with pepper spray. FML

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I was right all along

3peeps - - United States

Today, I came to the conclusion that I was right about thinking how much it would hurt to hit your head on a door-frame, stub your toe on a stone table leg, and then trip over your cat, who won't take it well and will probably claw your recently stubbed toe. FML

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Not a morning person at the best of times

shouldhavestayedinbed - - United Kingdom

Today, my doorbell rang while I was still in bed. I leapt out and immediately got a severe cramp in one leg, then, staggering around trying to throw some clothes on, I scraped the other leg badly enough to draw blood. When I got to the door there was nobody there, just a parcel on the doorstep. FML

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The struggle

lizi - - United Kingdom - Saint Andrews

Today, I accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to take my bra off. FML

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Bad boy

Shiva - - France - Niort

Today, I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. Once I was done, I looked over at my puppy, who then woke up, stretched, got out of his basket and started to pee. I shouted, "No!" Scared, he then ran all over the place, still peeing. FML

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Easy_Target 0

Monday 23 February 2009 21:26

That must have been an interesting conversation. "Hello? Hey, man, how's your dOOOOOOOOOOOHHhhhh....!!!"

ddrluna 2

Friday 22 May 2009 7:12

Who else thinks that 10 needs to calm the shit down? It's called playing with your pets. I suppose you'd rather just let them lay in a corner their whole life?

Hockeylover87_71 0

Wednesday 19 August 2009 7:01

wow, my advice to fml readers,never take a drink of anything while reading fml's like this, I did, and I had an incredibly painful choking experience because I had a mouthful, and tried not to spit it all over the place while I laughed uncontrollably...

pulpfiction_fml 3

Friday 21 August 2009 1:07

Your cat probably wanted to get back at you for getting it neutered. Either that or it's really sexually agressive. In that case, you probably should get him neutered.

mistaken4u 12

Friday 27 November 2009 15:01

What's with #10? My kitten did this to me the other day, although he also likes to randomly jump on me from a great hight and scare the life out of me :)