Health, Cats Animals Hang in there

Hang in there

ouch - - United States - Wilmington

Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Caught off guard

dooommage - - France

Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML

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Caturday surprise!

keeperstride - - United States

Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with an infection, swollen nuts, and a hole in my butt for which I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML

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I was right all along

3peeps - - United States

Today, I came to the conclusion that I was right about thinking how much it would hurt to hit your head on a door-frame, stub your toe on a stone table leg, and then trip over your cat, who won't take it well and will probably claw your recently stubbed toe. FML

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GrossAir

Nolongeracriminal - 05/11/2023 06:11

Today, I was on a plane heading home from vacation with the family, when went to relieve my bladder and stepped on someone's shit. They seemingly decided the floor was a better then the toilet. I walked all the way back to my seat with shit on my sandal, my sister thought I'd shat myself. FML

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Freak out

zAstonish - - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML

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Piss poor prank

peedonme - - New Zealand

Today, I was in the toilet. Some idiots thought it was funny to throw a water balloon into the cubicle. The balloon didn't pop, but fell in the toilet, sending my own urine onto my shorts. I had 4 hours left of school. FML

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Bad boy

Shiva - - France - Niort

Today, I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. Once I was done, I looked over at my puppy, who then woke up, stretched, got out of his basket and started to pee. I shouted, "No!" Scared, he then ran all over the place, still peeing. FML

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Close encounters

Pinkie - - United States

Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML

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Surprising

Anonymous - 28/11/2019 20:00

Today, my younger sister had some friends over at ours. I was in the shower but was horrified to realize my clothes and towel were gone. Figuring that she took them, I tried to make it to my room without being seen, but one of her friends came up to use the bathroom. She saw everything. FML

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Self defence

Anonymous - - United States

Today, I went to my grandmother's house to pick up her cat to take him to the vet. She forgot who I was and sprayed me in the face with pepper spray. FML

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grahmagog 14

Saturday 15 June 2013 15:46

Im sure all cats are just russian spies...hellbent on human annihilation

tomhofer 14

Saturday 15 June 2013 15:47

One would think that by now people would refrain from letting cats in the bathroom

grahmagog 14

Saturday 15 June 2013 15:46

Im sure all cats are just russian spies...hellbent on human annihilation

TourettesGuyFTW 25

Saturday 15 June 2013 17:35

Cats are cute, cuddly bastards. I have scars to prove it.

hemz_fml 13

Sunday 16 June 2013 20:14

How could the cat come in is my question, do you leave the door open or was the cat in their while your dropped a deuce?

tomhofer 14

Saturday 15 June 2013 15:47

One would think that by now people would refrain from letting cats in the bathroom

sum42guy2k 6

Saturday 15 June 2013 17:34

My cat decided to join me in the bathtub when he was a kitten... Few years later same thing.... He joins me in the bathroom every now and then, but he is much smarter and better behaved

UberNova 18

Saturday 15 June 2013 18:26

Another totally unheard of and controversial idea....train the cat to only jump on you when you call it.

Ali_Br_fml 33

Saturday 15 June 2013 20:51

@27, I had a kitten who liked to jump in while I was taking a shower too. He didn't even mind getting wet. He never scratched or bit any of us either, not even when my mom stepped on his tail. We lost him in a move. My cousin brought him out and a loud truck scared him into hiding. She SAYS he bit her and ran off... The little liar. She was just jealous. Cats rule :)

Grod098 5

Saturday 15 June 2013 15:51

Who leaves their door open when taking a dunce.... just saying

buckeyed 20

Saturday 15 June 2013 16:03

what if OP lives alone? is it still weird then?

SlapAndTickle 20

Saturday 15 June 2013 16:47

If I'm home alone and making a captain's log, your god damn right I'm going to leave the door open. No one wants to brew in their own stew.

MorganBrown 8

Saturday 15 June 2013 17:25

Even when I shut the door myself, my door won't stay shut. I have a bad door handle and my parents refuse to get a new one. My cat does this to me EVERY MORNING when I have to go potty. He'll shove his whole body at the door, open it, and jump In my lap. It's completely weird.