Health Candy Andy

Candy Andy

bad karma - 21/11/2011 14:34 - United States

Today, I was so hungry that I literally stole candy from a baby. FML

11 639

46 253

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Fatass - 18/04/2014 05:37 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I lied to the cashier at my local store, saying that I was "nominated to buy the candy for the party" when in actuality I went home and gorged on it alone. FML

40 712

13 889

BrokeAndHungry - 24/07/2016 17:05 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I was so ashamed of being broke that instead of asking my parents for money, I snuck into their house while they were at work to steal some of their food. FML

13 159

4 347

Timmy - 26/01/2009 13:28 - France

Today, I got caught stealing lollies. I am 25. FML

8 485

59 495

love you too mommy - 27/01/2014 19:26 - United States - Brentwood

Today, my mom walked into my room to talk to me. I was surprised because we don't talk much. I was left with a smile on my face after she left, until I realized she'd stolen all the candy on my desk while I wasn't looking. FML

46 488

5 294

What ARE you doing?

Anonymous -

Today, I was so tired at the pet store I was working at that I accidentally offered a kid a dog treat instead of their dog. He ate it. While his mom watched. FML

10 375

1 537

dannij08 - 14/01/2009 01:05 - United States

Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML

7 438

43 512

Bigmouth strikes again

Anonymous - 14/12/2022 18:00

Today, I was pretending to be a mom with my friends, and I was joking how I bought them candy and that it cost me an arm and a leg, only to realize that the cashier only had one arm. FML

373

831

The sleepwalkers are at it again!

sierra - 11/03/2021 02:02

Today, my mom told me she’d never forgive me for eating her birthday candy. I ate it in my sleep. FML

770

333

ilovekids? - 12/12/2015 02:05 - United States - Commack

Today, while I was working at a supermarket, a kid started to cry in line because he couldn't get candy. Since we have free lollipops behind the desk, I gave him one. His mom complained to my manager and said I was grooming her child. FML

22 135

6 012

nocat6 - 15/09/2014 03:07 - United States - Northville

Today, I caught a customer using his fat to shoplift gum out of a store. FML

39 175

3 068

TipOfTheHat 10

Monday 21 November 2011 18:50

It's an expression! Your not actually supposed to do that!

xxcreativedreame 5

Monday 21 November 2011 18:51

Wow. It takes a REAL loser to do that. Seriously.

Mr25_fml 14

Monday 21 November 2011 22:56

YOU sir, fail at LIFE

ExhaustedLove 0

Monday 21 November 2011 23:03

Poor Baby :(

madgrinchhatter 12

Monday 21 November 2011 23:09

Was it as easy as it is supposed to be?

21jason 9

Monday 21 November 2011 23:27

Your an Ahole u deserve to eat crap..ever see the human centipede?

screamo_neve 12

Tuesday 22 November 2011 19:55

Oh god...

DarylAndrew 2

Monday 21 November 2011 23:28

That's disgraceful

ScrapperDoggie 4

Monday 21 November 2011 23:42

Does he eat her heart AFTER he comes? Also, would it be masturbation or intercourse?

WaitAndBleed01 0

Monday 21 November 2011 23:44

That's horrible :(

jaff23 11

Monday 21 November 2011 23:49

You pussy

FML_accounT123 5

Monday 21 November 2011 23:56

Was it easy?

Strafeh 9

Monday 21 November 2011 23:57

Steal it from an orphan. What can they do? Tell there parents?

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I hit a low point when I changed the AI Snapchat bot's Bitmoji to look identical to my ex-girlfriend's Bitmoji and have a conversation with it just to feel wanted. FML

145

507

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house, and her dad saw us. She decided that she didn't feel like riding along when it was time for her dad to drive me home, and went to bed. I, on the other hand, got to have a 15-minute conversation about the merits of "physical boundaries." FML

27 708

6 828

Today, after I spent the last year working overtime to prove myself at my tech job, I got an email saying I was laid off due to “strategic restructuring.” My boss posted a vacation picture right after. FML

439

Today, after applying for a job at a tanning salon, I was told they don't hire "naturally tan" people. I'm black. FML

52 376

4 421

Today I was really hitting it off with my blind date and was eager to arrange a second date. I gave him my number and he decided to call my phone so I could save his number. My phone didn’t ring. He got upset because he thought I gave him a fake number and stormed off. The battery was dead. FML

3 123

456

Today, I went to switch my phone number to a new carrier. During the credit check, I was told that I couldn't because I already had an active account. This came as a surprise, as I've never had an account with that carrier. Time to file a fraud claim. FML

3 279

194