Your everyday life stories

rebelsrock - 28/03/2016 20:20 - United States - Champlin

Today, I went in to the doctor to have a rather painful lump that has been in my earlobe for about a week to have it examined as I was worried it was some sort of tumor. Turns out it was just a very large pimple. FML

alerra - 28/03/2016 20:13 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, my boyfriend managed to convince my mom that the reason his skin was brown was because he drank too much chocolate milk growing up. FML

chriswilliam - 28/03/2016 20:05 - United States - House Springs

Today, I walked in on my grandpa going down on my grandma in the middle of their kitchen. fml

PackardBell - 28/03/2016 20:04 - United States

Today, I was in the shower. I accidentally slipped and fell over, smashing my hand into my soap dish. The dish shaddered, and it cut the back of my hand badly. I was sitting naked with blood everywhere and a cut hand. As I stood up, I accidentally stepped on some shards and cut my foot, as well. FML

blindanddizzy - 28/03/2016 20:02 - United States - Placentia

Today, I took off my glasses to apply lotion on my face & once I finished I completely forgot where I put them. Having negative 5 vision and vertigo I started to get pissed off and queasy looking for them. I gave up on the verge of puking and realized they were on my head. FML

Maristiel - 28/03/2016 19:29 - United States - Canton

Today, I had gotten a new puppy. He wasn't potty trained so I would take him outside every hour or so. After a few hours, I decided to go for a walk. I shoved my foot into my sneakers and heard a squishing noise. Out of all places...he shit in my shoes. FML

Romavictor :'( - 28/03/2016 19:21 - India - Kolkata

Today,I just finished writing my 5000 word paper I have been working for a month.After finishing I went to install foot notes when my computer crashed.Now I have 5 hours to write 2000 words!! FML,

anonymous - 28/03/2016 19:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got a call from my mechanic saying my cars ready for pick up. After waiting three full weeks for my car, excited, i started to jog the 10 miles there. Half way he called me back to notify me that he called the wrong person. FML.

chrisbreastr0kr - 28/03/2016 19:05 - United States - Ladera Ranch

Today, while teaching advanced psychology, I was asked if narcissism is "jacking off to a porno you were in." FML

steamydreamy - 28/03/2016 18:52 - United States - Yakima

Today, I woke up from a wonderful dream where I was about to have sex with the love of my life. When I woke up I still felt pretty good about it, until I realized it was about my ex. FML

Anonymous - 28/03/2016 18:41 - United States - West Milford

Today, my dad came home, as I stood like a deer in the headlights, completely naked in the living room with the business end of a baseball bat up my ass. FML.

ShapedQuinn234 - 28/03/2016 18:26 - United States - Supply

Today, my dad was aggravated with me for not spending a lot of time with him like I use to when younger, so after eating a lot of boiled eggs he came in my room and farted as much as he could and then left with a grumpy face closing my door behind him. FML

yum - 28/03/2016 18:20 - United States - Eden Prairie

Today, while describing our special to customers, instead of saying polenta, I offered them placenta. FML

priorities - 28/03/2016 18:11 - United Kingdom - Wolverhampton

Today, I asked my parents to come with me back to Thailand to attend my wedding. They excused themselves because they said they couldn't afford the flights. Later in the afternoon, my mother bought a £1200 sofa. The flights were only £450. FML

ripGameTrailers - 28/03/2016 17:59 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I realized I sat through a 30-second advertisement to watch a 15-second video game trailer. FML

Anonymous - 28/03/2016 17:57 - United States - Myrtle Beach

Today, this guy I recently met forgot to mention that he had a girlfriend. His girlfriend apparently read our texts and I'm now in the middle of their big fight. FML

Anonymous - 28/03/2016 17:43 - United States - Benson

Today, I got on the subway, but I didn't grab a pole in time. When I fell, I grabbed onto an elderly lady's breasts to catch myself. FML

Maxjohn - 28/03/2016 17:34 - Netherlands - Houten

Today, I was hanging out at the garden of a friend I haven't ever been before. Went into his house and took a nasty dump. Went out of his toilet and noticed a completely terrified woman looking at me. Turns out I went into his neighbours house instead of his. His neighbour teaches at my school. FML.

not_a_threesome - 28/03/2016 17:26 - United States - Marietta

Today, I was called to the principal's office because I had gone to the restroom and exited at the same time that 2 girls that were having sex in there did. She called me parents and told them I was having sex with 2 girls in the restroom. I only went to pee..

sugar baby - 28/03/2016 17:23 - United States - Detroit

Today, an extremely old man at work that keeps asking me out walked into my office and said "The Sugar Man himself is here!" My supervisor burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter, meanwhile he continued to hit on me. Things like this happen everyday. FML

Anonymous - 28/03/2016 17:22 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, my mother in law announced my pregnancy on Facebook. I have been bleeding for several days on multiple occasions, and had told her and my parents that I wasn't announcing it yet. Now that's out of the window and I'm crying at home, praying that I don't lose my baby. FML

Anonymous - 28/03/2016 17:04 - Canada

Today, my sister was shocked when she found out I'm adopted. I'm black. Our entire family is white. My sister is a moron. FML.

officiallypoor - 28/03/2016 16:42 - United Kingdom - Haverhill

Today, our gas and electricity has been cut off. Not that my mum cares; apparently wifi is more important than heat and light. FML

lonely - 28/03/2016 16:40 - United States - Amherst

Today, I was feeling overwhelmed and sad when a friend I haven't spoken to in awhile randomly texted me some cute animal pics. I thanked her, saying it was just what I needed today and how I was glad we were still thinking of each other even if we're far apart. Her response: Oops, wrong person. FML.

InsipidPotatoes - 28/03/2016 16:37 - Israel

Today, while playing with my kitten, I put him on my stomach to watch he would do. He ran to my head, jumped, and landed his ball-sack in my mouth while trying to run away from me. Bad taste and face scratches. FML

anon - 28/03/2016 16:32 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend got engaged. He broke up with me because I gained weight. His fiancé is twice my size. FML.

aavaughn77 - 28/03/2016 16:30 - United States

Today, I bought underwear for the first time in a while. I went a size larger than usual because I've put weight on recently. I looked at the underwear and thought "No way these will fit, they're way too big!" I tried them on. They're too small. FML

candicorn - 28/03/2016 16:28 - United States - Linden

Today, I realized that using my vibrator impedes the healing of my tailbone injury. For the past 4 months ever since I fell down the stairs, I’ve been in constant pain while sitting. If I had realized sooner, I might have been fully healed by now. Hello more tailbone pain, goodbye masturbation. FML.

yeahmydaysucked - 28/03/2016 16:06 - United States - Madison

Today, I found out that my girlfriend had been cheating on me with not one, but with 4 other guys. FML

Anonymous - 28/03/2016 16:05 - United States - Orlando

Today, some kid in my 5th period science class started gagging. He walked by my desk, (as mine is near the trash can) and promptly spewed all over my research project. Which I had been working on for 2 weeks. And was due today. FML

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I paid 60 dollars for my senior yearbook. They forgot to put me in it. FML

14 632

1 130

Today, for my mom's 50th birthday, all she wanted was a certain gold bracelet. It was too much money for me to buy, so I bought the same one in silver. Right before I gave it to her, my older sister gave her the gold bracelet, which made her cry. When I gave her my present, she just said, "Oh." FML

70 875

5 743

Today, I spent four hours practicing funny voices. I have literally nothing better to do all day. FML

19 549

8 467

Today, I was rubbing one out in the shower. I guess I got a little too excited, because as I came close to climaxing, I had a serious asthma attack and had to wheeze for help. FML

50 767

12 435

Today, at age 31, I was about to finally lose my virginity. As we tumbled onto the bed, an excruciating pain shot through my stomach. It turned out to be a hernia, and no, I didn't get laid in the end. FML

45 358

4 687

Today, while I was working in a bar, a very fat drunk guy kept flirting with me. He assumed I liked him because I kept blushing. I didn’t. It’s just been so long since anyone flirted with me that I apparently now cannot control my reactions if a man talks to me. FML

40 720

6 820