Your everyday life stories

Still Gagging - 28/03/2016 23:41 - United States - Vallejo

Today, I finally found the source of the horrible smell in my living room. A mouse that my cat had wounded had crawled deep under my sofa to die and rot. It was crawling with maggots. FML

Anonymous - 28/03/2016 23:41 - United States - Chantilly

Today, my grandmother saw me taking something and told my dad I was taking drugs. Now, my parents are thinking about sending me to rehab and will not listen to reason. I was taking my insulin shots for my diabetes. FML.

rohypnol - 28/03/2016 23:21 - United States - Abington

Today, a good friend of mine came out to me as being gay. This wasn't a problem, until he started aggressively making moves on me. After rejecting him several times, it turns out he drugged my drink. My ass still hurts. FML

Itadakimassachusetts - 28/03/2016 23:14 - United States - Mclean

Today, I was zoned out in class and when my teacher noticed, I was staring directly at her boobs. FML

Chikii001 - 28/03/2016 23:03 - United States - Glastonbury

Today, one of the newborn puppies my sisters dog had died. Yesterday, two of its litter mates died, one of which was supposed to be mine. The day before, the other litter mate died. Two of the puppies didn't even make it out of the womb. There's no puppies left. FML

Anonymous - 28/03/2016 23:00 - Ukraine - Kiev

Today, due to a lack of food in my apartment, even the cockroaches are getting thinner. FML

Ether, Apparently - 28/03/2016 22:56 - United States - Phoenix

Today, after spending a few hours straight working on my story, I momentarily forgot my name and introduced myself as the main character. FML

MyCrushWasThere - 28/03/2016 22:56 - United States - Wilson

Today, My dad gave me a gift for my birthday. He said he tried it out today to make sure it still worked. I was confronted with the unexpected: His porn from the '80s. Yes, "stains" included.

Shimashita - 28/03/2016 22:54 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I was checking my mom's email which she lets me because that's the only way i receive my grade. I promised her i wouldn't look at her emails except my grade, but when i clicked the wrong email, i saw my dad's nudes. FML

emccor99 - 28/03/2016 22:46 - United States - Milpitas

Today, everyone forgot it was my birthday except the University of Arizona who sent me a picture of a birthday cake. FML.

greywolf19k - 28/03/2016 22:41 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I told my girlfriend I wanted to have a night with the guys. This is after a conversation she started last night about how important it is for me to have guy time now that she's been living with me for three weeks. Now, I'm a "selfish ass" and "we never spend time together." FML.

anon - 28/03/2016 22:39 - United States - Seattle

Today, I took my girlfriend out for an expensive diner date and a movie for her birthday. we got home and she immediately got naked and went to bed. After she asked me to join her I rushed to bed expecting some intimacy. But she wouldn't even kiss me and acted half asleep every time I got close. Fml

Anonymous - 28/03/2016 22:37 - United States - Westfield

Today, I went to the doctor and apparently I've lost 5 lbs since my last visit. I told my mother who is now convinced that I have bulimia because I go to the bathroom a lot. She arranged a family intervention and is trying to make be go to rehab. I'm not bulimic, I just have a weak blatter. FML.

Anonymous - 28/03/2016 22:23 - United States - Warrington

Today, I found out I am not invited to my friend's wedding after taking off from work because she told me to save the date. FML

happyskittles32 - 28/03/2016 22:23 - United States

Today, after a month of struggling to sleep I finally managed to take a nap. Apparently, it was also the day my parents desided to rearrange the living room while singing 'dream on' by arosmith at the top of their lungs. FML

Anonymous - 28/03/2016 22:11 - United States

Today, my girlfriend wanted to drive me home from work. As she starts up my car, she asks me which pedal was the gas..... we are both 25 and I drive an automatic sedan. FML

dilbanana - 28/03/2016 22:05 - United States - Cincinnati

Today,I was home sick. My mom let my sister take the day off too. My sister gave me a banana as part of my lunch,laughing for some reason. Later I found out she had "used" it. FML

:( - 28/03/2016 21:41 - United States - San Francisco

Today, yet another small child came up and asked me what was wrong with my face. Nothing. I'm just ugly. FML

anon - 28/03/2016 21:36 - United Kingdom - Bradford

Today, I was dancing at a club and a hot guy started grinding on my ass. I was in the mood for some fooling around and maybe a one night stand so I turned round to kiss him but he took one look at me and said, on second thoughts you're too ugly, and moved on to another girl dancing next to me FML

almostadult - 28/03/2016 21:35 - United Kingdom - Alton

Today, it's my mother's birthday, and I'm staying at hers over Easter to celebrate. I got her the 'Call the Midwife' DVD collection as a gift. She's been watching them, very loudly, all evening. I'm lying in bed, trying to sleep, with loud screaming of labour coming downstairs. FML.

DucttapedAirbag - 28/03/2016 21:34 - United States - Ilion

Today, I was getting out of my boyfriend's car when the wind blew the door out of my hand denting the new silver Lincoln next to us and adding some blue paint. The repair costs $1433. I've been saving up for over a year to get an airbag and side mirror put on my car. Guess that's not happening. FML

Louimei - 28/03/2016 21:19 - United States - Cambridge

Today, it started out with a bad work day. Then, my 16 year old came home crying, confessing that she was pregnant (ultrasound proven). Finally, just as I'm about to go to bed, our dog, Spirit, begins to projectile vomit. Very long day. FML.

catimakittycat - 28/03/2016 21:14 - New Zealand - Waitara

Today, my boyfriend and I were having cuddles with our baby in bed when I let out a fart. When the stench reached our son's nose, he gagged and then projectile vomited across the bed and onto the floor. FML

mostepicusername - 28/03/2016 20:53

Today, as she was getting on the bus, a very tiny girl stepped on my toe. It's now swollen, broken, and bleeding. she was maybe 50 pounds. FML

sayhisoph - 28/03/2016 20:48 - Denmark

Today, today as I was fooling around with a guy I have been seeing for 5 months called me anna. Anna is the name of his ex girlfriend ... But also the name of his mother. I'm not sure which one is worse. FML

sickofseeinghimlikethis - 28/03/2016 20:48 - Norway - Trondheim

Today, my mom and I carried all the booze in the house down into the basement, locked the door and hid the key. We are currently housing my drunk, alcoholic uncle, again. I can hear him retching in the bathroom as I type. FML

meem - 28/03/2016 20:47 - Chile

Today, my girlfriend left me an told me to not talk to her again. Why? All of this happened just because our zodiac signs are incompatible. FML

Carrotcart - 28/03/2016 20:41 - Canada - Langley

Today, I sent my dad a "Happy easter" text message and told him to give his pet bunnies extra love from me today, to which he informed me that it wasn't a happy easter and that he had to take one of his bunnies to the vet to be put down, turns out she had cancer. FML

Anonymous - 28/03/2016 20:35 - United States - Frisco

Today, I was talking to my friend about our bass clarinet player. I was talking about how bad he was. When I finished I turned around and got punched in the face and now have a black eye. He was behind me the whole time. FML

fucktard - 28/03/2016 20:32 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today I woke up to a man naked, next to me asking if I wanted to go up for round two, I normally would have been flattered if this man was my husband,but he wasn't.FML

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I was having sex with a girl. While we were fooling around, she started squeezing my cheeks and told me I remind her of her son. FML

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Today, I'm stuck between my absolute resolve to never have children, due to how abhorrent I find the idea of having to raise them to adulthood, and my fear that if I don’t have any, I’ll end up old and alone, probably die alone, and the body won’t be discovered until a neighbour notices the smell. FML

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Today, my friend got a babysitter for the kids and told me she was taking me to a party. My son told me his band was playing at a party. I will be 40 tomorrow, so I thought this would be the best surprise birthday party ever. It WAS a surprise birthday party – for a friend of ours. FML

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Today, my brother-in-law was nice enough to bring me lunch at work. The people I work with are so catty and immature that the rumors started flying almost immediately. Grow up already. FML

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Today, I pulled over a speeding driver. I admit that I'd been hoping for this moment since I joined the police force; the moment a lady put her cleavage on display to get out of a ticket. Sadly, this lady was a senior citizen, and her breasts looked like two semi-deflated balloons. FML

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Today, while bagging at a grocery store, a customer had me use some canvas bags he'd brought with him. This wouldn't have been a problem had they not reeked strongly of cat piss. FML

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