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Rude awakening

By Anonymous - 22/07/2025 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife woke me up by punching me in the balls. Apparently, while I was napping on the sofa, she came in and decided to lie with her head in my lap. While she was scrolling TikTok I sleep-farted on her head, so she punched me. I was asleep, so I feel like the victim here, I call bullshit! FML

I agree, your life sucks 566

You deserved it 107

Socialite

By Shelley05 - 29/07/2025 12:00 - United States - Santa Fe

Today, I showed up to my friend’s birthday party with a huge cake... on what turned out to be the wrong day. The actual party is tomorrow. Her family laughed and thought if was cute, but I just wanted the floor to open up and let me disappear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 359

You deserved it 144

Do my eyes deceive me?

By Anonymous - 14/08/2025 20:00 - Australia

Today, I received the ticket for my upcoming flight. The booking reference code is “CR4SH”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 82

Better safe than sorry

By Anonymous - 21/08/2025 23:00 - Australia

Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 86

Care more, you monster!

By Trap Gunner - 23/08/2025 15:00 - Philippines - Paranaque City

Today, my mom cussed me out because I'm "the only one who didn't really care," I "didn't try hard enough" to find a hospital to accommodate my older sister's (and her beloved little baby's) condition. I tried over 20 hospitals, and those that had an MRI facility couldn't take her because of the mere fact that she wouldn't fit in them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 79

Losing it

By Anonymous - 30/08/2025 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s just like my mother, except she got hers in her 70’s after she lived a life. Mine is early onset so I’m losing my mind in my 30’s and I’ve done nothing with my life except work to afford rent and my next meal. I don’t even have a wife or kids damn it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 90

Great advice

By Toxic masculinity - 03/09/2025 07:00 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, my son told me he liked a girl at school. I told him to be extra sweet to her, carry her bag, and make every day brighter for her. My husband snorted and said, "That's simp shit. Don't do any of that. Act like a man, and if she's not into you, shrug and move on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 408

You deserved it 300

Hang in there, Mom

By Anonymous - 12/10/2025 00:00

Today, I realized that the root of my depression is that I hate being a mom. l love my two boys but I barely function taking care of myself due to years of abuse. My 6 year-old and 8 month-old have me constantly overstimulated to the point I enjoy nothing anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 408

You deserved it 166

Skint

By Cheap date - 30/10/2025 15:00

Today, my husband took me out for my birthday dinner. When it was time to pay, he took out a stack of gift cards. I asked where he got them, and he said he got them as a bundle at Costco, and saved sixty bucks on the meal. He then got annoyed with me when I told him it made me not want birthday sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 790

Crossed wires

By Anonymous - 04/01/2025 12:00 - Australia

Today, I accidentally texted "Haha, what a fucking weirdo!" to the person I was talking about. Their reply? "At least I’m not dumb enough of a cunt to send texts to the wrong person." FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 945

SK8 OR DIE

By Anonymous - 09/01/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I tried to be the cool older cousin by teaching my nephew how to skateboard. He’s now doing tricks, and I’m sitting on the sidewalk with a sprained ankle because I haven't skated since the Bush administration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 179

You deserved it 454

Time is running out

By Anonymous - 17/01/2025 10:00 - Australia

Today, at the age of 36, I had to write up my will. FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 104

Googoo gaga

By Daisie - 24/01/2025 00:00 - United States - Santa Fe

Today, I spent way too long baby-talking my neighbor’s dog through the fence, calling him "the cutest, sweetest baby." It turned out that my neighbor was sitting on the other side of the fence the entire time, out of view, quietly giggling at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 187

You deserved it 413

No one (in HR) wants to work anymore

By Anonymous - 25/01/2025 11:00 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I have applied to over 50 different jobs in the last month. I have NOT received a call or email back from any of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 74

Not worth it

By Anonymous - 26/02/2025 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, and for all my life, my dad has been feral about protecting his BMW; we weren’t even allowed to look at it. Well today he decided I was allowed to drive it as an 18th birthday present. I was so nervous, I hyperventilated and passed out in the seat before I even put the key in the ignition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 404

You deserved it 166

Health nut

By Anonymous - 02/03/2025 05:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend has always been a health nut, but he's really started going off the deep end lately. He's gone from just disliking fast food to a lunatic yelling about organ meat (YUCK), seed oils, and microplastics, as well as other things I don't understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 378

You deserved it 193

Cursed

By Freddie - 25/03/2025 15:00 - United States - Chattanooga

Today, I went on my first date in months. It was going well until the waiter brought our drinks. I went to take a sip of my cocktail, but I misjudged the size of the glass and the stupid paper straw, and spilled it all over myself. The waiter said, “Well, at least it’s not a first date curse,” and I replied, “Oh, it definitely is.” It was, because I doubt I'll be seeing her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 321

You deserved it 143

Get me out of here!

By Anonymous - 27/03/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, because I'm still the emergency contact for my ex, I'm waiting to take him home after a routine surgery. I'm also trapped with his potential next girlfriend, who showed up and is trying to become best friends with me. She has giggled after every sentence for the past three hours like she's twelve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 136

Evening out

By Pissed and broke - 30/03/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I finally got a raise after years of hard work! Excited, I went on a shopping spree, but as I checked the latest prices, it turns out that my extra income barely covers the increase in my grocery bill. Thanks, inflation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 123

Someone check in on this guy

By Klinger - 08/05/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I was in a public restroom and slipped on some soap on the floor while I was washing my hands. As I fell, I grabbed the nearest thing to break my fall, which happened to be the hand dryer. It fell off the wall and hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 88

Dial it back

By Only me - 19/05/2025 15:00 - United States - Eugene

Today, I was trying to chat up a girl by showing off my new smartwatch. I proudly said, “It even reads my heartbeat!” It was 132 bpm. She looked at me and asked, “Are you OK? Or just incredibly out of shape from talking to me?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 479

Health kick

By What am I supposed to do? - 31/05/2025 17:00 - United States

Today, after years of my very poor diet finally resulted in a long overdue health scare, I declared I must try to live healthier. Also today, I was reminded of my hypersensitive gag reflex (I'm autistic), which causes my body to vehemently protest the consumption of a variety of healthy foods. This sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 168

Fireworks

By Anonymous - 15/06/2025 03:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I tried to microwave a leftover burrito. I forgot to remove the foil it was wrapped in. The microwave went into overdrive in a dramatic display of sparks, the fire alarm went off, and I had to convince the neighbors at my door not to evacuate their apartments. I still haven’t eaten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 618

Back to square one

By Anonymous - 09/07/2025 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I created a 3D sculpture for a competition that I was hoping might impress some people, and maybe lead to a job with a particular company. I finished it last night for the competition, but this morning I realised it’s too big to get it out of my front door without taking it apart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 275

Not so slinky

By BarneyRubble - 13/07/2025 15:00 - Ireland

Today, I managed to lock myself out of my house again. My only option was crawling through the dog door. I managed it once before, but I must've put on weight because this time I got stuck halfway. My neighbour came over to “see if everything was OK.” He then helped push me through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 401

Always with you

By Anonymous - 25/07/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I hung up the phone and went to tell my dad that I’d finished switching all the utilities into my name. Then I remembered I was switching them into my name because of his death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 73

Risky move

By Anonymous - 31/07/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I tried to impress a cute cop at a coffee shop by holding the door for her and saying, “You’re under arrest… for stealing my heart.” She deadpan replied, “That’s harassment, sir.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 835

Watch your step

By Anonymous - 03/08/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I was at a wedding and leaned over to whisper to my friend, “Wow, this is the cheapest-looking cake I’ve ever seen.” The bride was right behind me holding the cake knife. She heard every word. Luckily, she didn't stab me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 817

Tex Avery moment

By Mustanggt - 07/08/2025 05:00 - United States

Today, my roommate took my car without permission while I was at work. He downshifted to pass someone, but went from 5th to 2nd gear, and practically most of the engine went straight out of the tailpipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 66

Time to change the will

By Ouch - 12/08/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom - Stourbridge

Today, as I'm terminally ill and have less than a year to live, I told my wife that she could see other men so long as she continued to care for me until I passed. She clapped and cheered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 667

You deserved it 103

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The Top

Today, I wore press on nails and I work in a very professional setting where my hands are 24/7 visible to our clients. I've had multiple nails go flying off at various inappropriate times and my nail glue has been my BFF for 2 weeks. I had to go buy another nail glue bottle to make it through my second week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 597

Today, my brother let his kids watch anime without even looking at what they chose. He assumed it was OK because it’s just foreign cartoons. He is now blaming me for his kids' trauma, because I wasn’t there to warn him that "The Promised Neverland" isn’t just a Peter Pan rip off. IF YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 87

Today, my uncle was showing the scars he got fighting a wolf in defence of his wife. On the drive home, my girlfriend dumped me because she could never see me being man enough to fight a wolf for her. She made me stop the car so she could catch a bus back to her mom's house and never see me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 666

You deserved it 154

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he pulled up his pants and said, "There you go." FML

I agree, your life sucks 330

You deserved it 125

Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 023

You deserved it 45 668

Today, my girlfriend stopped in the middle of sex because she had sudden inspiration about what colour to repaint our bedroom, and wanted to find the colour name online before she forgot it. By the time she was done, I’d gone soft and grumpy, and she got mad I didn’t want to finish having sex anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 177