Random FMLs

By Anonymous - 12/11/2012 13:29 - United States - Lancaster

Today, my boyfriend of three years, whom I recently got engaged to, asked me to take a photo of my mother's boobs while she was sleeping so that he could see what mine would look like when I got older. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 929

You deserved it 4 021

Cold reading bullshit merchant

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom went to a psychic. The reason? She has convinced herself that I'm gay, even though I've told her that I'm not, and never have been. The psychic disagreed. Apparently, I'm bi-curious with one of my guy friends. Guess who my mom believes? FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 309

You deserved it 3 770

Hmmm, steak

By Anonymous - 11/01/2021 11:01

Today, my husband and I cooked our first dinner of the year, some grilled steak. The moment we turned our backs to put out the fire, the dog snatched half of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 1 002

By Sexy Rash - 21/02/2014 23:26 - Australia - Wallgrove

Today, the rash on my thigh started itching again. I felt good after a vigorous scratch, but the relief did not extend to my roommate, who only saw me at my laptop with my hand moving up and down in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 637

You deserved it 8 350

By frustrated - 30/10/2009 04:17 - Australia

Today, I discovered that just because I get unwanted erections on an hourly basis throughout the day, it doesn't mean that I can get required erections in the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 695

You deserved it 2 615

By Anonymous - 11/09/2010 21:46 - United States

Today, I turned 18. My parents remembered that I loved German chocolate cake, so I awoke to a hot, fudge-filled chocolate cake with a slice cut out just for me. I've been lactose-intolerant for 8 years. As I cried, my mom handed me tissues, while eating the "Happy" part of my cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 193

You deserved it 5 669

By Anonymous - 18/06/2016 16:16 - United States - Bell

Today, my son was crying because he wanted his daddy, and he asked when he can see him. I had no idea what to say, given his dad left us in the middle of the night last year, now lives in another country, and told me he never wants to see us again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 154

You deserved it 1 674

By lulu - 11/02/2012 10:19 - United States

Today, my dog attacked me because I had a chicken costume on for a party. I'm currently in a hospital, dressed as a chicken, waiting for medical assistance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 319

You deserved it 4 722

By pimpslaprequired - 04/08/2012 01:52 - United States

Today, I got on an elevator at the mall, along with a twelve or thirteen-year-old girl talking on her cell. She spent the whole ride telling the person on the other end how hideous I looked and how I look like a pregnant sperm whale. I was too humiliated to even say anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 034

You deserved it 4 880

By guessthatsatrickthen - 31/10/2015 17:19 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I opened the door to what I thought would be a group of trick or treaters. It was actually a naked man. He wanted to come in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 204

You deserved it 1 978

Hitting the gym

By LukesSkyWalker - 22/06/2015 20:35 - United States

Today, I told my dad I was gonna to start working out again. He looked at me with honest confusion on his face and said, "You worked out before?" My mother started laughing. She was all the way upstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 672

You deserved it 3 041

By Anonymous - 17/11/2013 01:03 - United States

Today, I told my roommates they have to go get jobs, because I can't afford to support them or their bad habits any more. They responded by pawning all my DVDs for cash to buy cigarettes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 716

You deserved it 7 119

By jared77 - 02/08/2011 16:26 - United States

Today, my mom decided to give me a bloodcurdlingly graphic sex talk. On a plane. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 799

You deserved it 2 884

By Anonymous - 03/10/2010 18:52 - United States

Today, I found out that instead of having four wisdom teeth, I have eight. They all have to be removed as soon as possible, which happens to be over the Christmas break. I get to spend my whole vacation in excruciating pain and a swollen face to boot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 839

You deserved it 3 277

The birds and the bees

By Anonymous - 23/08/2023 09:00 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 115

Over the rainbow bridge

By Anonymous - 05/05/2024 03:00 - United States - White Plains

Today, I walked outside and found our kitten, my kids' favorite pet, convulsing and choking on the carport. Nothing we did helped and she died in my arms five minutes later. We've buried her, and I'm dreading going home and telling my boys that she's passed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 505

You deserved it 121

By KarlwithaK - 19/05/2009 03:29 - United States

Today, we were visiting my great-grandma, who has Alzheimer’s. We spent most of the day with her and she didn't know who we all were. Time came for us to leave so when I gave her a hug good-bye, she whispered into my ear, "You're my type." FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 995

You deserved it 4 177

By MJjunior - 31/08/2011 16:04 - Australia

Today, I started my first day working at a toddler day care center. At one point I decided to play "got your nose" with one of the kids. It turns out this kid has a physical birth abnormality on his face. I got his nose... his prosthetic nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 531

You deserved it 13 288

Ambitious

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my daughter's biggest aspiration is to create a time machine for the sole purpose of going to the '70s to see the Ramones in concert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 134

You deserved it 9 558

Lonely times

By Anonymous - 21/08/2024 15:00 - United States - Port Orchard

Today, I realized why my depression is so bad. No matter how hard I try, I have always been a replaceable presence in everyone's lives, and I have never felt like anyone couldn't live without me. Not even family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 140

Porch piracy

By Denofthieves - 16/09/2022 16:00

Today, I received a text saying that a package had just been delivered to the house. By the time I reached the front door, it had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 115

Food for thought

By Anonymous - 24/12/2023 00:00 - Australia - Buderim

Today, after many years of being one of the best workers anywhere I worked, and being superhuman, I now have to accept that I may never be able to work full time again. Why? Because apparently I haven't been properly digesting food since I was 16 and I'm now 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 145

Treat yourself day

By anon - 20/08/2024 16:00 - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, my in-laws surprised us with an unannounced visit. I was in the middle of my weekly self-care routine, which includes a green face mask, curlers, and a bathrobe. When I opened the door, they looked horrified and my mother-in-law whispered, "Is this a bad time?" Without thinking, I blurted out, "Depends, do you believe in aliens?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 117

By leeceetaylor99 - 15/07/2013 16:47 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and my best friend making out. She claimed he was just tasting her lipstick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 906

You deserved it 3 898

By Recovering Alcoholic - 17/12/2014 22:41 - United Kingdom - Kettering

Today, half of my motivation to stop drinking is so that my tolerance will go down, because I currently can't actually afford enough alcohol to get even tipsy anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 497

You deserved it 12 800

By MADfml - 26/02/2009 03:12 - United States

Today, I went to my crushes Mardi Gras party. He was handing out beads to all the girls at the party that flashed him. When he came around to me he stopped and said "I will give you these beads NOT to flash me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 670

You deserved it 5 212

WTF ref'?!

By SaltIsReal - 25/04/2017 00:00

Today, after winning the first set for school tennis championship, the losing side refused to shake hands with my team. We ended up getting disqualified from the championship by the referee for bad conduct, even though it wasn't our fault. We told the referee what happened, and he said, "Suck it up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 745

You deserved it 346

Technicality

By Dartfrogger - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I announced to my friends that my grandmother is dying. My best friend pulled out his phone and casually announced, "Technically, everyone is dying." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 378

You deserved it 3 066

No way she'll be a Karen

By Anonymous - 24/02/2026 00:00

Today, while picking names for our unborn daughter, my mom decided to help by providing a list of names she absolutely won’t accept because they’re all women she hates for insane reasons. It has over 300 common names on it. Every time we pick another name, boom, there it is on her damn list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 390

You deserved it 119

I wish!

By Anonymous - 17/09/2021 11:00

Today, my sister saw an empty bottle of squirty cream in my bedroom, and now her and my siblings keep teasing me about how I must have a really kinky sex life. Truth is, I ate the cream by myself with cake, chocolate and biscuits, because I was depressed about it actually being 2 years since I had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 260

You deserved it 282

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, to celebrate my older sister's 21st birthday, my parents forced me to take the night off work so we could all go to the casino. Not only is this coming out of my vacation, I wasn't old enough to enter the casino, so I had to sit in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 870

You deserved it 4 442

Today, I came in to what was already going to be a long day at work. All of my coworkers no-showed. With them, it probably would've taken about 5-6 hours to get all my work done and go. It took ten hours. My feet hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 680

You deserved it 115

Today, I started lactating. That would be fine if I had a kid. Or was pregnant. Or wasn't 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 727

You deserved it 2 735

Today, I went downstairs to complain to my landlady that there was no water when I was trying to wash my hair. To which she replied, "No, of course there is water, it's just all going into my swimming pool." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 733

You deserved it 114

Today, despite a condom, an IUD, and my boyfriend getting a vasectomy, I still managed to get pregnant. It was my first and only time having sex and I don’t want kids, ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 652

You deserved it 402

Today, my dog became scared of his own food bowl. He now barks for ages every time he sees it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 119

You deserved it 3 451