The Top

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Assumptions

By Bellend - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I noticed a flashy car badly parking itself in a handicapped space. I hate the asshats who do this, so I went up to berate the driver. After an opening salvo of coarse language, a glint of light on his wheelchair in the back caught my eye. I then had to apologise for being a shitehawk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 658

You deserved it 43 324

Hygiene police

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my daughter and husband surprised me at work. A whole bunch of my co-workers were standing around me when she ran up and hugged me. Her face is level with my crotch. She immediately jumped back from the hug and said, "Ewwww, smells like fish." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 184

You deserved it 17 152

Romance is dead

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Bemidji

Today, I tried to lift my girlfriend and spin her around like in a Rom-Com. I started the spin, then heard a pop. The pain caused me to yelp and fall to the floor, dropping her on top of me. I dislocated my kneecap trying to be romantic. She only weighs about 90 lbs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 605

You deserved it 13 834

Ouroboros

By TheSuregeon - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I applied for my job, while working at my job. I hope they hire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 409

You deserved it 6 009

Tonight, on First Dates…

By John_Elvis - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Valparaiso

Today, I took a girl to a sushi restaurant for our first date. She insisted she's had sushi before, but I had to watch her struggle with the chopsticks for a few minutes before mercifully asking the waitress for a fork. She then ate a fork full of wasabi, thinking it was guacamole. I think there won't be a second date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 682

You deserved it 3 612

Creepy

By scared-straight - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, as I was lying on my bed with one of my arms hanging from the side, I felt something sniff my hand from underneath. I don't have any pets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 954

You deserved it 4 440

E.R.

By alephnull - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I drove a friend to the emergency room because he thought he had appendicitis. While sitting in the waiting room, I got puked on by a child. My friend's diagnosis? Gas. So he also farted all the way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 420

You deserved it 3 191

Cherry on top

By thetallone - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, on the way home from a night out, I crossed the main road in my town via the traffic lights. As I got to the other side, a guy turned to his two friends and 'whispered' with a look of disgust, "I would've run that one over." Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 912

You deserved it 2 743

Rammed

By StillnothowIimaginedmydaygoing - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Radcliff

Today, my boyfriend found out that male goats will stick their tongues out, snort, and garble at female goats in heat. Now he's doing it to me at all manner of times, sound effects and all. I now know why goats ram their heads into things repeatedly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 362

You deserved it 2 343

Butterface

By fugly - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Landenberg

Today, as I was putting stuff into the back of my car, a man walked by and said I looked "super fine." When I looked up to look him in the face, he immediately looked disgusted and basically ran away. Apparently, my face does that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 273

You deserved it 2 417

Joy!

By KiwiMaid - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I got excited because my husband will be away for 5 days, which means I'll be able to deep clean the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 195

You deserved it 2 232

Bad boy

By DogBeater - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I've just moved into a new apartment. It's also the day my big baby of a dog stepped on a rock and began yelping when I tried to touch his paw. He "suddenly" felt better after I carried him inside. Now everyone thinks I'm beating my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 195

You deserved it 872

Cartoonish

By mr_dinzaster - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, a dog came into my yard. I bent down to pet him, forgetting I had a burger in my hand. The dog grabbed it and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 2 220

Technique

By dumped - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Wigan

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. How? He invited my mother to his house for coffee with his parents, and told her. She then had to come home and tell me I’d been dumped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 341

You deserved it 177

No fun allowed

By Elyri - 04/02/2026 22:00

Today, my husband came home and groped my ass, so I tossed cold water into his face to make him back off. He's now acting like I sprayed him with toxic acid waste now. What a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 805

One time thing

By Sofia - 04/02/2026 12:00

Today, I found out I’m pregnant. My fiancé was beaming with joy. However, I’m not sure if he’s the father because I recently had hate sex/quickie with my ex-boyfriend, who is also my coworker. I wish the Earth would swallow me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 1 190

Picky eater

By Chez - 04/02/2026 03:00

Today, my wife doesn't like to cook. She doesn't like when I cook, because I enjoy cooking and she says I'm "making her feel guilty." She also doesn't want to order take out, as it's "a foolish waste of money." The fuck are we supposed to eat? FML

I agree, your life sucks 505

You deserved it 83

Banger tune!

By not the poop - 08/02/2026 00:00

Today, yet again, whenever I try to put on music in the car, my son starts chanting, "Poop! Poop! Poop!" to the tune of whatever I put on. It's been almost six months and it's driving me fucking crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 219

You deserved it 79

Just take your food, lady

By Anonymous - 04/02/2026 20:00

Today, my DoorDash account, which is my primary source of income, has been suspended. I got another ridiculous complaint from some overly sensitive Karen because she saw my three dogs in the car while I was delivering. It’s not like my babies were touching the food or something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 912

Harsh but fair

By Singlemamma - 05/02/2026 00:00

Today, I lashed out at the father of my son for not doing anything for the baby. He replied, “I never did shit for you to begin with, didn’t you watch the preview? You knew what you were getting yourself into.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 170

You deserved it 558

Ironic if true

By Nononono - 03/02/2026 09:00

Today, I made a move on a male friend that I’ve been crushing on and he rejected me saying we should just stay friends. I told him that he was so mean. He replied, “How am I mean? I’m just not that into you, just like you’re just not that into our friend who worships the ground you walk on.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 1 035

Keeping it in the family

By Genny - 03/02/2026 12:00

Today, I learned that my brother is having sex with my aunt. Disgusted, I told my mom how wrong that is. She said, "Well, they're both adults, so we just kind of pretend it's not happening" and shrugged. We don't even live in the South, we live in a civilized city. This is so fucked up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 208

You deserved it 94

Sounds like an old joke

By Anonymous - 07/02/2026 09:00

Today, I tried to compliment a friend by saying, “You look so much smarter with your new glasses on!” He responded with, “Thanks… You look so much uglier with my new glasses on.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 285

My princess

By Kitty Princess - 07/02/2026 12:00

Today, I was late to work because I missed my Lyft… while it was literally in front of me. Why? I was busy telling my cat that she’s a princess and giving her goodbye pets. I looked up, and the driver was already peeling out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 527

Kinda hot

By SadGf - 05/02/2026 20:00

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend jacking it. He wouldn't continue and let me watch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 124

Thanks Alex

By Anonymous - 05/02/2026 22:00

Today, I transferred rent to my landlord and realized I’d sent it to the wrong “Alex” in my contacts. My bank said the payment was already completed and they couldn’t reverse it without the other person’s permission. I had to message a guy I went on one awkward date with two years ago asking him to please send my rent money back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 165

You deserved it 328

Badass

By Anonymous - 07/02/2026 20:00

Today, my grandmother got caught trying to rob a casino. She was planning this for months, and is claiming I was an integral part of the heist. I'm fifteen and had no idea she was planning this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 301

You deserved it 43

Let it out

By Depressed af - 06/02/2026 09:00

Today, I'd built up the courage to talk to my doctor about anxiety, even rehearsing what to say. When she asked, “So what brings you in today?” I immediately burst into tears, said, “I don’t know,” then apologized for crying. She handed me tissues and said, “This happens a lot,” which somehow made me cry harder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 311

You deserved it 88

Family

By You're next, ex-mom! - 08/02/2026 03:00

Today, I came home to see my house trespassed, vandalized, and looted by my cousin, whom I have always hated, and his friends. As I get the cops to haul them to jail, he got kicked out from home for the Nth time and said my mom invited them. When I confronted my mom about it, she dismissed it saying, "He's family!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 52

Setup

By Lenore - 03/02/2026 00:00

Today, I was diagnosed with hemorrhoids. My husband said we should “adapt, not panic” and brought lubricant from the garage. It had a skull warning on it. Apparently I married an engineer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 84

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I discovered the importance of having sex before marriage. We found out that my husband is gay on our wedding night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 966

You deserved it 1 671

Today, my husband drank way too much white wine at a wedding and projectile vomited all over me and my car while I was driving. We were 5 miles from home and I have emetophobia (the fear of vomit/vomiting). FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 181

Today, my car was stolen. From my driveway. By the guy who sold it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 923

You deserved it 4 233

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, but the ring turned out to be quite tight on her finger. She then chewed me out, saying that I can't do anything right, then changed her answer to no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 915

You deserved it 322

Today, I was supposed to go to Disneyland with my family, but I woke up with explosive diarrhea. So while they are at the happiest place on Earth, I'm stuck on this toilet left to imagine that the splash from my crap is a splash from Splash Mountain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 595

You deserved it 3 328

Today, I was called a "disabled buzzkill" for not letting someone pet my service dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 563

You deserved it 252