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Comforting

By imaginationdarling - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Phoenix

Today, I was at my retail job and we had to change the mannequin's outfit. I had to hold her while my manager grabbed the new outfit. I rested my head on her naked plastic chest, and it was the closest I've got to affection in years. FML

agreeclassic 46 776

vote type 1 7 381

Sad sad sad

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff

Today, I caught two kids passing notes to each other in my class, so I told them to see me afterwards. When one of the kids eventually came up, I noticed he was crying. He looked up at me and sobbed out, "I was trying to make my first friend!" FML

agreeclassic 29 455

vote type 1 8 094

Not on the weekend

By jtaylor94 - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my dad's boss called our house and I answered. He said, "Is your dad home?" I replied, "I'll go check." I put the phone on mute and asked my dad if he wanted to talk to his boss. My dad says, "Does that asshole not have a life?" Turns out the phone wasn't on mute, it was on speaker. FML

agreeclassic 19 504

vote type 1 43 177

Skill issue or…?

By Realworldred - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Scranton

Today, my sister started a full-time job with a good pay despite having no prior work experience and being a college freshman. Meanwhile, I've graduated with two degrees, have been working two jobs for the last five years, and still can't get a full-time position anywhere. FML

agreeclassic 31 233

vote type 1 3 284

Freak out

By LaurenB - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Epping

Today, after a very painful mouth surgery, I went home to take a nap. Then my nose started bleeding, so I stuck a tissue in it and fell asleep. When I woke up, I was so high from painkillers that when I saw the tissue, I thought it was a ghost. I screamed so loud I burst a stitch. FML

agreeclassic 36 852

vote type 1 5 439

Fellas, is it gay to date a woman?

By dykerino - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Vancouver

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I cut my hair short and he didn't want people to think he was gay. FML

agreeclassic 39 135

vote type 1 7 714

Scammers

By insurance lies - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to get an MRI. I double and triple checked to make sure there was no out-of-pocket cost. When I arrived at the testing center, I was expected to pay full price for the test. It costs $2,360. FML

agreeclassic 50 028

vote type 1 4 001

Congratulations

By anon - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Northbrook

Today, my step-sister told me that she was getting married to her girlfriend next summer. At a big family brunch, I made a toast to their marriage. I didn't know that my step-mom didn't know they were dating in the first place, or that she was severely homophobic. FML

agreeclassic 30 798

vote type 1 4 971

Oh…

By wingless_angel_7 - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was online and I saw a friend that I hadn't talked to in two years come online. I IM'ed him, only for him to respond, "I haven't responded to any messages of yours in over a year. Most people would get the hint." FML

agreeclassic 30 134

vote type 1 8 579

Social cues

By oblivious idiot - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I was playing Badminton in P.E, and I was paired with a particularly pretty girl, who for some reason kept asking stupid questions that we both knew the answers to. I've only now just realized that she was trying to initiate conversation with me. This is why I have no friends. FML

agreeclassic 23 953

vote type 1 7 437

Forever young

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - University Park

Today, I was walking around my college campus when someone asked me if I'd gotten separated from my tour group. He didn't believe me when I said I was a student here. This happens all the time. FML

agreeclassic 40 577

vote type 1 3 750

Oh no…

By x.x - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Tampa

Today, I was taking a shower when the soap began to burn my eyes worse than they've ever burned before. I quickly grabbed whatever cloth I could find to rub my eyes with. My dad's old underwear was the last thing I would expect to find lying near the tub. FML

agreeclassic 42 687

vote type 1 5 881

Support system error

By PissedAtLife - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was invited to a counseling group for people with emotional problems. I brought the permission slip home for my mom to sign, only for her to accuse me of being a hypochondriacal, lazy, selfish bitch. And my friends wonder why I have problems. FML

agreeclassic 31 777

vote type 1 3 324

Broke

By Anon - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Stony Point

Today, I spotted a $100 bill on the ground. Being a little strapped for cash, I excitedly picked it up. I discovered it was one of those religious tract papers made to look like a folded bill, with a message scolding me for being greedy. FML

agreeclassic 32 460

vote type 1 4 966

How you remind me

By heartfelt - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, I was rejected by a company I applied to. When I was writing my application, I spent so much time on their website researching that the ads on my browser are almost all for their products. It's like getting rejected again with every click. FML

agreeclassic 38 828

vote type 1 4 193

Stealthy

By jessye1182 - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Yaphank

Today, I was babysitting, playing hide and seek. I tried to jump behind the armchair, but it tipped, and I hit my head into the wind chimes, ripped the curtain rod from the wall, and smashed my knee into the wall. I lay on the ground in agonizing pain as the little girl shouted, "I know where you are!" FML

agreeclassic 22 975

vote type 1 6 404

Rough patch

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had a cold and was vomiting. I sneezed really hard, smacking my nose onto the toilet seat. I woke up a few minutes later with my nose bleeding, painful, and still stuffy. FML

agreeclassic 30 476

vote type 1 2 894

The mailman

By fuckfuck - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Fort Smith

Today, on my first day at my new job delivering mail, I was yelled at by a guy, who threatened to shoot me if I "trespassed" on his property. He made me toss his mail toward his porch from the street, before telling me to get lost. FML

agreeclassic 41 881

vote type 1 3 423

Bladder runner

By lauren - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I was chaperoning for my 8-year-old sister's class in school. The bus ride was an hour long, so several people didn't make it to the bathroom in time. Unfortunately, one of them was me. FML

agreeclassic 11 433

vote type 1 3 196

Whta? How? Why?

By pregz - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my hiccups got so intense that I threw up in the middle of class. FML

agreeclassic 33 784

vote type 1 2 696

Perfect timing

By legotron - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I left work at 11pm. It was cold and dark, and I was anxious to get home, so I cut across some soccer fields to get to my car. About halfway across, the sprinklers came on. FML

agreeclassic 29 803

vote type 1 8 992

Happy New Year to all the cats out there

By HappyNewYearsToMeAndMyCat - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Victoria

Today, I'm celebrating New Year's with my cat. I made her a cake. FML

agreeclassic 31 554

vote type 1 7 047

Experience

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boss asked me how my parents' divorce affected me as a child. This is a sensitive subject, but I thought he was trying to connect with me so I told him how much it hurt. Turns out he wants to leave his wife and wanted to know if his kids would turn out "messed up" because of it. FML

agreeclassic 43 164

vote type 1 3 149

Extra protein

By ReluctantAntEater - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, I tasted a perfectly salted, crispy, and dead carpenter ant hidden in my bag of pistachios. FML

agreeclassic 37 308

vote type 1 3 623

Happy Birthday, Sweaty

By jezebel - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got a call from the office telling me I was fired. When I asked why, my boss explained my mother called and told him I was in a "weak mental state." She thought she was helping me get off for my birthday. Now I have no job. FML

agreeclassic 42 246

vote type 1 3 534

Reunited

By Username - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, my boyfriend told me he had to go pick up his family from the airport. I assumed he meant his parents. He apologized and said he meant his wife and child. They'd got their Visas sooner than he'd thought. FML

agreeclassic 45 673

vote type 1 6 323

Plumbing issues

By thirddegreeburned - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Monroe

Today, I finally made the connection between people in my apartment building flushing their toilets, and my running shower water becoming scalding hot. This wouldn't be quite as bad if there weren't six floors to the building, with twenty units on each. FML

agreeclassic 30 543

vote type 1 2 683

Hurting over here

By wo-ow - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Bronx

Today, I fell down the stairs and broke my leg. My dad helped me to the car so he could drive me to the hospital, but when he saw our neighbor, he went over and had a 15 minute screaming match with him over how his dog keeps shitting on our lawn, all while I sat in the car in agony. FML

agreeclassic 53 741

vote type 1 4 389

Not now, Dave

By shanti - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff

Today, my husband cracked a "Rectum? Damn near killed him" joke at my grandfather's funeral. He had genuinely spoken without thinking, but his quick gasp and "Oh shit" sounded quite sarcastic. We were both kicked out. My family thinks I put him up to the whole thing. FML

agreeclassic 43 508

vote type 1 4 856

Honesty

By smoothies14 - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Weatherford

Today, I was studying on a bench outside my dorm when the leg snapped. I decided to do the right thing and let administration know what happened. After assuring me it wasn't my fault, and having me fill out an incident report, they billed me $400. I can't enroll for next semester until I pay. FML

agreeclassic 28 936

vote type 1 2 508

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, my girlfriend kindly let me know that she didn't care that I am 'below average' in the penis department because it will leave her nice and tight for her next boyfriend. FML

agreeclassic 72 785

vote type 1 8 018

Today, I learned my 40 year old father is marrying a girl barely a year and a half older than me. She told me not to be afraid to call her mom. I was torn between punching her in the face and vomiting. FML

agreeclassic 73 311

vote type 1 3 433

Today, I was walking through the park eating fries. There was an old woman feeding a few pigeons. They didn't seem too interested, so I threw some fries down as I walked by to try and help her out. About 2 minutes later, I heard screaming. A huge group of pigeons were attacking the old woman. FML

agreeclassic 57 549

vote type 1 19 915

Today, I was sent 800 km home from my interstate job because I have the sniffles. FML

agreeclassic 514

vote type 1 132

Today, it's been three weeks since my dad finished growing what he calls a "Jesus beard" and gone out asking for donations and claiming to be Jesus Christ. I've been trying and failing to get a job for 2 years, and he's already raking in cash from gullible idiots. FML

agreeclassic 42 210

vote type 1 3 972

Today, at work, I was talking to a colleague about what the worst pain he ever experienced was. He said his was being bitten by a dog, and I said I didn't know. Next thing, I was kicked in the balls from a behind by another work colleague. She said, "What about that?" I agreed, it was. FML

agreeclassic 1 734

vote type 1 233