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Transactional

By Firewielder - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Midland

Today, I found out the only reason my parents want me to live with them is because of the tax refund. FML

agreeclassic 33 331

vote type 1 3 115

Bad time for a joke

By Demotivation - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Germany

Today, I learned that when a heavily-pregnant friend asks about my progress with the baby socks I promised to knit, it's rather unwise to tell her, "Not to worry, we're set even if it comes out with a few feet too many." She's still crying. FML

agreeclassic 45 292

vote type 1 12 851

Bad influence

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it's been one week since my demented grandma babysat my five-year-old daughter while my husband took me to a fancy restaurant. Now she's taken to screaming and calling me a "damn commie" whenever I discipline or say no to her. FML

agreeclassic 25 999

vote type 1 6 046

Don't let 'em bite

By thisentiretime... - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Morristown

Today, I found out that my recurring acne is actually bedbug bites. I have wasted about a hundred dollars on acne cream. FML

agreeclassic 37 689

vote type 1 7 720

Day terrors

By Shameonme - this FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - Morocco

Today, I yelled out while I was asleep. However, I was sleeping during a very important meeting with customers and my boss. FML

agreeclassic 21 694

vote type 1 61 672

Backhanded matchmaker

By Highroller_17 - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a customer came in to the Walmart I cashier at, trying to set me up with her daughter. This isn't the first time she's tried. As she so graciously put it, her daughter "has a thing for the wimpy nerdy types". FML

agreeclassic 26 170

vote type 1 2 455

Caught in 4K

By tanksfan - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - India

Today, after secretly smoking for more than two years, I decided to quit. I came home from work to see my wife holding a pack and asking me what was it doing behind the toilet seat. FML

agreeclassic 7 486

vote type 1 42 544

Feed me and shut up

By a fatty - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, the lady running the pastry shop asked who I buy the second pastry for every day. I lied and told her that it's for a coworker. I eat them both. FML

agreeclassic 11 803

vote type 1 36 640

Late bloomer

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Port Orchard

Today, I discovered that my 8-year old is not fully toilet trained when a turd fell out of his pants, shortly after introducing him to his new babysitter. FML

agreeclassic 45 879

vote type 1 9 461

So brave

By Erbtosis - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Seattle

Today, my five year-old had to break the news to me that my husband was leaving me for someone else. FML

agreeclassic 17 711

vote type 1 1 448

Thanks!

By leem - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Belgium - Zoersel

Today, as I was driving out of a parking lot, some douchebag yelled at me: "Nice car! Too bad you're so ugly!" It was my friend's car, so I don't even have that going for me. FML

agreeclassic 41 902

vote type 1 3 279

Oh no…

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dog proudly brought home a rabbit he'd killed. The same rabbit that belongs to my neighbor's daughter. FML

agreeclassic 45 647

vote type 1 4 743

Floored

By smashyonewfloors - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Canada - High River

Today, my crew and I were berated by a client for not installing her new hardwood floor on time. We were only halfway through the day, but apparently it should have only taken "like, an hour?" because "The guys on the TV shows do it that fast." FML

agreeclassic 48 307

vote type 1 2 915

Steve? Pete?

By somefamily - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Wayne

Today, I found out that I've been calling my boyfriend's dad by the wrong name for the past two years. No one had told me sooner because they liked laughing at me for it when I wasn't around. FML

agreeclassic 27 439

vote type 1 4 509

Creep from the past

By annoyed - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I received a phone call from a good guy friend of mine, someone I haven't seen for years. He tells me he has "deep" feelings for me, and wants to know since my husband is deployed, if it would be okay if we "dated" because he told his parents I'm his girlfriend. FML

agreeclassic 37 597

vote type 1 2 956

Thanks for your concern

By alipallie - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Ipswich

Today, after running across London to catch my train, I collapsed, panting, into a seat across from a concerned elderly woman. She leaned over to ask whether I had my inhaler and I smiled and nodded. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I'm not asthmatic, just really unfit. FML

agreeclassic 39 409

vote type 1 7 184

Yikes

By nycgirl424 - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years sent me a text message saying, "Don't worry I'm gonna break up with her soon. Love you." FML

agreeclassic 70 113

vote type 1 3 264

Dumbass

By hannibal - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I heard a loud-speaker announcement in my college that someone had left their car in the car park, still running, with keys in the ignition. I laughed at that person's foolishness until I realised it was mine. FML

agreeclassic 7 911

vote type 1 37 895

Overtime

By Tired - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I showed up to work at 6am, only to find out the schedule was changed. I wasn't actually supposed to be there until 9:15. My boss never told me this. I didn't get to go home either, he just said, "Oh well. Get to work." FML

agreeclassic 32 816

vote type 1 3 058

Special interests

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me how he used to collect little things when he was younger. He then decided to tell me about his current big toe nail collection. FML

agreeclassic 30 796

vote type 1 3 664

Richard

By dickface - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Lewisburg

Today, the cut on my face from getting hit with a baseball healed. It's left a dick-shaped scar. FML

agreeclassic 21 624

vote type 1 1 620

Bad sign

By TJ AJ RJ / IV the V - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - San Diego

Today, my boss flipped me off in traffic on my way to work. FML

agreeclassic 34 117

vote type 1 4 219

Nice "friend" you've got there

By jwhizzle - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I found my "lost" bicycle in my best friend's garage. I've been having to catch two buses to get to work for the past few months. FML

agreeclassic 29 652

vote type 1 3 095

The ball game

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was at a baseball game. I was eating my nachos when all of a sudden I woke up in the hospital, with my dad sitting next to the bed. Apparently, I was hit with a foul ball. He kept the ball for himself. FML

agreeclassic 39 139

vote type 1 3 271

Great gift

By Meh - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, two days before my birthday, my parents drove three hours to visit me at school and take me out to lunch. I assumed that it was to celebrate my birthday. They told me they are getting divorced. FML

agreeclassic 71 454

vote type 1 2 897

Miss Popularity

By eggman 583 - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Massapequa

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I was, "trying to change her." A week ago I asked her to stop talking to the six guys that have all previously asked her for nudes. FML

agreeclassic 12 979

vote type 1 1 284

The itch from hell

By sprainedankle - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Saudi Arabia - Riyadh

Today, I got a mosquito bite inside my cast. I slipped a ruler into it and started scratching to relieve the itch. Part of the ruler ended up snapping off inside. FML

agreeclassic 46 901

vote type 1 15 848

Multitasking

By longday - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I managed to multitask too much at work. I turned around, adjusted my glasses, swept hair out of my face, and blinked. In the process, I walked into my manager, causing me to simultaneously punch myself in the mouth. FML

agreeclassic 24 841

vote type 1 6 866

Classic

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I after getting off the bus, I realized that the man I was talking to was distracting me so his "buddy" could steal my wallet. FML

agreeclassic 28 080

vote type 1 3 866

Drive-thru rage

By TheDrugsAreStrongWithThisOne - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a customer wanted corporate's number because we aren't allowed to sell pies after midnight. After a drug-fuelled cuss-storm, she punched me in the face through the open window, then peeled out of drive-thru like a bat out of hell. FML

agreeclassic 26 276

vote type 1 2 015

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I drank 1.5 litres of water. I didn't go to the bathroom for 9 hours. During my one-hour trek home on public transport, I was busting to pee but I managed to hold it. Walking 200 metres from my bus stop to my house was agony, but I still held it. When I got to my front door, I peed my pants. FML

agreeclassic 23 107

vote type 1 45 472

Today, I realized that I'm the only person in my house not getting any. My sister is sleeping with my ex. My roommate is sleeping with my brother, and my mom texted me, asking to make it look like she slept in her bed so that she didn't have to do the "walk of shame" in the morning. FML

agreeclassic 24 530

vote type 1 2 926

Today, while working as a police dispatcher, I took a call for a motorcycle accident that occurred near my house. After obtaining all the essential information I realized the rider was my brother. He doesn't own a motorcycle, but I do. FML

agreeclassic 35 961

vote type 1 2 546

Today, I nearly got written up for "publicly humiliating" a coworker. All because I left a note in the restroom asking whoever keeps peeing all over the floor to please be considerate of other people. FML

agreeclassic 14 255

vote type 1 1 031

Today, I found out that my beloved guinea pig has impaction. For the rest of his life it will be my duty to clean out his rectum manually every month, or every week/day if it gets worse. FML

agreeclassic 34 597

vote type 1 5 307

Today, I was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barracks where I'm stationed. At the breakfast table I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter". FML

agreeclassic 490

vote type 1 186