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You OK, lady?

By merp. - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Wausau

Today, I spun off the road and into a ditch. The insurance company told me I'd have to wait an hour, as they had other cars to tow first. I had to pee so badly that I resorted to using the only thing I had in my car: a plastic bag. That's when I got a knock on my window from the tow truck driver. FML

agreeclassic 31 025

vote type 1 6 220

Our pride and joy

By trgtyo - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I noticed my parents replaced my senior picture that hung on our living room wall with a painted one. Of our German Shepherd. FML

agreeclassic 48 026

vote type 1 3 729

First and last

By hannaholic - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went on an excellent first date. After the 'end of the date kiss' came, "I suppose this is where I tell you that I'm married." FML

agreeclassic 61 045

vote type 1 5 005

Pranks are evil

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my sister shaved a chunk of my hair off while I was sleeping. I'm getting married in three days. FML

agreeclassic 26 824

vote type 1 1 664

A day to remember

By TitMunch - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at my mom's wedding, I tripped as I was walking down the aisle. I was holding the train of her dress. It ripped. FML

agreeclassic 33 965

vote type 1 4 483

Sorry!

By rabid_otaku - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Sycamore

Today, I had to stop at a gas station to go to the bathroom. A sign on the door told people to knock since the door didn't lock. As I was peeing, a lady walked in on me. Rather than simply saying sorry and shutting the damn door, she opened it wider and stepped in to apologize. FML

agreeclassic 39 481

vote type 1 2 990

Morning!

By whydoihavecats - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I found out what mouse intestines squashed against my bare feet feels like. FML

agreeclassic 26 841

vote type 1 2 727

It's catching

By longdrive - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I left for a fifteen-hour drive with two guys who won't stop talking in a Yoda voice. Sick of this nonsense, I am. FML

agreeclassic 37 796

vote type 1 5 220

Strange stranger

By MandyPanda - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to a theme party where everyone wore white shirts and brought markers to draw on them. I didn't know many people there but I still went around drawing on people's shirts. After a few hours, someone finally drew on my shirt. They wrote "I'm scary." FML

agreeclassic 42 288

vote type 1 9 275

Trashed

By rainey - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my car alarm went off so I went outside to investigate. Apparently, the abundant rain water in my street had swept a trash can five houses down, only to be stopped by my car. My bumper was dented by a run-away waste receptacle. FML

agreeclassic 25 712

vote type 1 2 641

Ouch

By ouch - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Union City

Today, I stopped to replace a stuffed bear that had fallen from a small memorial for a girl killed nearby. Her mom happened to walk by and thought I was stealing it. She hit me with her purse. FML

agreeclassic 34 895

vote type 1 2 541

Improvised

By Geraldine - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, it's been three days since my husband got into free-jazz. He plays all the time in our small apartment. Loud. It's like listening to three guys build a shed for 10 giant angry wasps. FML

agreeclassic 23 709

vote type 1 2 853

Tanned pits

By huulo - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff

Today, I was getting ready for the school swimming carnival and was running very late. I reached for my deodorant and sprayed it on. It was only when I was at the pool that I realized I had accidentally grabbed the spray tan and covered my underarms in it. FML

agreeclassic 11 644

vote type 1 28 411

Oh no, the fun police is here

By We're still popping them - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Fremont

Today, the neighbors called the cops because they heard "gun shots". My girlfriend and I were popping bubble wrap. FML

agreeclassic 34 075

vote type 1 2 940

Supportive

By Username - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mother followed me to work to see what I got up to. I'm a fitness instructor in a ground floor gym that has big windows overlooking the street. She stood outside and waved at me for half an hour, while I tried to concentrate on teaching a visibly amused class. FML

agreeclassic 27 071

vote type 1 2 451

Explain yourself

By potheadloljk - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - East Machias

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house when I got a call from my parents. They told me to come home immediately. Panicking, I rushed home. My dad pulled out a clear tube filled with dried leaves. They accused me of having marijuana. It was catnip for my kitten. FML

agreeclassic 28 669

vote type 1 2 170

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My dad was supposed to take me to get a tattoo, but instead he went to the bar, got drunk, and told me how I was the biggest mistake he and my mom have ever made. FML

agreeclassic 36 214

vote type 1 4 089

Sleigh bells

By dude, where's my balls? :( - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Anchorage

Today, my mom and I went to Best Buy for some Christmas shopping. She picked up some presents for me and told me not to look at what she was buying. When we got to the register, she didn't have enough money, and I ended up having to buy my own presents. FML

agreeclassic 40 805

vote type 1 3 467

Stealthy

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, while my boyfriend was sneaking out before my parents awoke, he slipped on some ice and fell on their car. The alarm went off. FML

agreeclassic 17 428

vote type 1 30 266

Sting operation

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I sold a customer some beer. He then asked to see the manager, and told me he was a 19 year-old undercover cop. My knee jerk reaction was to panic and curse aloud, before realizing he was balding, toothless, probably 50, certainly not a cop, and laughing at me for being such a gullible moron. FML

agreeclassic 14 765

vote type 1 54 396

911 is a joke

By Lauren Smith - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I came home from work. I was really tired and told my son that I would make him dinner later. He called the cops saying, "Mommy won't feed me." FML

agreeclassic 39 716

vote type 1 6 263

Impressive

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

agreeclassic 59 742

vote type 1 19 556

Freakout

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - South Africa

Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I jumped out of bed in panic and rushed into the bathroom, only to see my sister limping around in the nude. She'd just jumped out of the shower because someone had flushed the toilet downstairs. FML

agreeclassic 40 628

vote type 1 4 383

You're welcome!

By phonegotlostinthepark - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I lost my phone. I called the number from my friend's phone, hoping I could find it. A guy answered, laughed "Thanks for the phone!" and hung up. FML

agreeclassic 51 514

vote type 1 4 219

Help!

By notwasted39 - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was walking to my mailbox when I fell down and couldn't get up. My neighbor walked by with his dog, took one look at me struggling, said, "What is wrong with kids these days, drunk at 9 a.m.?" and continued on. I couldn't get up because I'm still healing from a stress fracture in my hip. FML

agreeclassic 55 449

vote type 1 3 177

Ouch

By hairyarms - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I found out why you don't let your kids grab your arms while their hands are covered in glitter glue. Easy to get it on you, extremely painful to rip from your arm hairs. FML

agreeclassic 24 574

vote type 1 5 808

Ghost rider

By mellbelle32 - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my visiting cousin was driving me to pick-up and pay for my wedding cake at the bakery. The cops pulled him over for speeding and as it turns out his license was expired. I ended up having to use my wedding cake money to bail him out of jail. FML

agreeclassic 43 590

vote type 1 3 585

Mr Tickle

By tortured - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my coworkers were bored. To solve this, they taped me to a chair and tried tickling me to death. My boss joined in. FML

agreeclassic 45 639

vote type 1 4 668

Thanks, appreciate it!

By witt75 - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was overdrawn $15 at the bank. I paid in my last $80 in cash, only for them to inform me that I've been slapped with $90 in overdraft fees. FML

agreeclassic 28 123

vote type 1 6 342

Horny and dumb

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Lehigh Acres

Today, I found out my husband pretends to be a young, bisexual woman online. As if that isn't bad enough, he flipped out and didn't believe me when I told him the other "young, bisexual women" he's been beating it to are probably middle-aged men too. FML

agreeclassic 22 785

vote type 1 1 788

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, my boyfriend picked me up and spun me around like they do in the movies, but not before grimacing, taking a deep breath, and muttering "one, two, three... and... uuuppp!" FML

agreeclassic 24 161

vote type 1 5 774

Today, I sharted during my wedding vows. FML

agreeclassic 41 744

vote type 1 5 136

Today, I was on a date with my boyfriend. As we walked back home from the cinema, he was checking his phone, when suddenly someone grabbed it and ran off. I had to be the one to go run after the thug because my 23-year-old boyfriend froze on the spot, crying. FML

agreeclassic 50 001

vote type 1 5 665

Today, I came down with painful sores in my mouth, just after having gotten over a cold. Apparently I'm allergic to the cough drops I've been eating for the past week to make myself feel better. FML

agreeclassic 31 464

vote type 1 3 476

Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man. I gave him my sandwich, since he needed it more than me. Seconds later, he was attacked by a flock of birds. FML

agreeclassic 24 358

vote type 1 1 753

Today, my co-workers were laughing at me because I couldn't throw paper into the bin, regardless of how close I was. Annoyed, I tried to prove then wrong by angry throwing paper into the bin that was no less that 1 cm away from me. I missed. FML

agreeclassic 2 845

vote type 1 1 323