The Top

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By BeccaRaye - 11/03/2016 18:19

Today, I walked into the bathroom at work, only to witness a woman with her shirt pulled up giving herself a sink bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 371

You deserved it 1 532

BeccaRaye tells us more.

BeccaRaye 19

Saturday 12 March 2016 4:32

actually I do lol

By archer - 20/11/2008 11:10 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend who has just returned from his 3 month placement abroad cancelled our date. Why? Because there was a match England vs Germany. A friendly match. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 712

You deserved it 4 239

Marooned

By fmljae - 20/01/2011 09:11

Today, I rented a 4x4 to take my wife to a secret secluded beach for our anniversary. I got as close as I could to the spot and parked on the beach. After a few romantic hours we returned to find the car half way up the windows with water. I forgot it was king tide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 865

You deserved it 30 987

By Noname - 29/10/2008 10:09 - Slovenia

Today, they finally took my braces off. 7 hours later I fell off my bike and chipped my tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 541

You deserved it 6 412

By Anonymous - 21/02/2016 21:48 - United States - Merrimack

Today, I found out that my friends only hang out with me so they can play with my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 782

You deserved it 2 430

There goes the neighborhood

By LukeyBoy - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking down the road when a twat on a quad-bike smashed into my leg. It seems that I should've been "walking on the right side of the pavement." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 412

You deserved it 3 731

By .... - 31/12/2009 06:23 - Canada

Today, I tripped over a ice block frozen to the ground and hit my knee hard on another. I had trouble getting up, so I asked my dad if he could give me a hand. He started clapping and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 482

You deserved it 4 208

Catch!

By MouseChaser - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I learned that as adorable as it might be to watch your cat follow your cursor around the screen, the humor ends when she dives into and breaks the monitor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 088

You deserved it 28 749

By Miserable - 11/11/2009 07:06 - United States

Today, I did laundry in my apartment complex's laundry room. I put my stuff in the dryer and returned to my room. The sign on the door says the laundry room closes at 10 pm, but that's rarely true. Tonight it was. I have to wait until 8 am. I work at 7:30. My work clothes are in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 641

You deserved it 41 153

Work is work

By mylifeisfed - 04/11/2009 12:56 - United States

Today, I encountered one of my professors from college. Back when I was in his game theory class, he publicly criticized me for falling asleep and not paying attention, to which I retaliated by acing all of his exams. Four years and a degree later, I met him again... while working at Pizza Hut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 818

You deserved it 12 848

By emma_waters23 - 26/04/2013 00:11 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I was walking my dog. A cute guy stopped me and said, "Wow, you are gorgeous!" I said thanks. He looked at me like I was nuts and said, "Not you, your dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 845

You deserved it 6 012

By Anonymous - 18/10/2009 12:09 - United States

Today, I was sleeping next to my girlfriend and I turned over to the sound of her talking in her sleep. Because it was so cute, I was happy and I smiled, until she began to talk about "Troy" and "all the nasty things you can do to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 738

You deserved it 2 582

By catstew - 02/10/2009 01:43 - United States

Today, my mother's beloved cat died and we thought it would be nice to bury it in the back yard. I came home from work and while walking to the door saw that the cat had been dug up and partially eaten by the local raccoons and strays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 157

You deserved it 4 452

By I write sins not other people's essays - 12/05/2016 03:13 - United States - King George

Today, my mom woke me up in the middle of the night to make me help my brother write an essay. I read what he wrote so far, gave him my suggestions, and went back to bed. She woke me up 30 mins later because he just sat and stared at his paper instead of fixing anything. Somehow that's my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 106

You deserved it 1 066

By jessierules93 - 07/12/2013 05:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had a dream that I was playing fetch with my dog. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't woken up to the sound of my phone smashing against the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 834

You deserved it 4 772

jessierules93 tells us more.

jessierules93 11

Friday 13 December 2013 4:52

Lol thank everyone! My iPhone wasn't in a case but surprisingly it's fine! But the wall, not so much. I kinda put a hole in it haha

By aianmoo16 - 01/05/2016 21:52 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was at a mini arcade and accidentally put a hundred dollar bill through the quarter machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 451

You deserved it 9 215

By lip - 24/12/2008 08:40 - France

Today, I was jerking off in the train washroom when the ticket inspector knocked at the door. I was nearly done so I didn't open right away. I didn't think he would have the key…I found myself face to face with him and three other passengers. The worst being I didn't have a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 450

You deserved it 75 890

By Soline - 08/12/2008 12:05 - France

Today, I wanted to wake up my sweetheart with a surprise blowjob. He surprised me as well with a knee to the stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 266

You deserved it 9 062

By ButtWorthSingingBout - 01/01/2015 18:16 - United States - Phoenix

Today, my boyfriend finally played the new guitar I bought to replace the one he broke. He used a $1000 guitar to play me a moving song about my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 170

You deserved it 5 594

By sorejecteditmakesmewannacry - 29/08/2013 10:44 - France - Poissy

Today, I asked a cute guy for his number but instead he gave it to my gay friend. When my friend later called him, it turned out that he'd given him his number just to get rid of me and wasn't expecting him to call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 189

You deserved it 3 822

By my name is sarah - 21/01/2016 03:48 - United States - Midland

Today, my mom called me by her favorite TV show character's name. Again. This is the eighth time this week. I'm an only child, and I'm 15. I thought she had my name down pat by now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 137

You deserved it 1 411

Soooooo cute

By Anonymous - 21/12/2015 14:56 - United States - Seattle

Today, I learned that my girlfriend takes creepshots of me sleeping, and my mom likes them on her Instagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 143

You deserved it 2 162

By trying2breathe - 22/11/2009 16:49 - United States

Today, I woke up to find my car broken into. They also took the inhaler that fell out of my bag the night before. The one I needed to stop the asthma attack I had from the stress of having my car broken into. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 395

You deserved it 3 042

Freaky family

By tkoester - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Fairfield

Today, I got a phone call letting me know my grandmother was arrested for trying to light my grandpa on fire. She's now in jail, asking for bail money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 394

You deserved it 1 636

By demispark - 24/04/2013 14:10 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I was leaving work when I realized I had forgotten my bag on my desk. As I went back to get it, I overheard my co-workers talking about "last night's office party." I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 326

You deserved it 4 857

By fire starter - 16/08/2015 04:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I tried to vacuum to surprise my mom with a clean house. The vacuum started shorting out, sparked, and then burst into flames mid living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 159

You deserved it 2 108

Wandering

By kmyltd - 14/09/2016 06:18 - Australia - Mount Eliza

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I remembered I had a Reese's Krispy Kreme doughnut in the car. I orgasmed while thinking about a doughnut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 916

You deserved it 3 636

By Anonymous - 26/07/2015 22:43 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I went to put a lasagna in the oven for dinner. I was greeted by a revolting scent of a chicken-soup and biscuits boxed dinner. The fridge apparently was too full for my brother to put it away inside, so he covered it up and forgot about it in the oven. We made that dinner two weeks ago. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 23 425

You deserved it 2 209

By Anonymous - 26/06/2015 17:42 - Zambia

Today, my dad drunkenly confessed that the reason he never gave me the sex talk was because he figured that I'm too weird-looking and socially awkward to ever get laid. He's right, all too right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 222

You deserved it 2 399

By 987564 - 22/02/2009 07:24 - Korea Republic of

Today, I was talking to my crush about making the soccer team. Excited, he congratulated me and asked for my number. I gave him my cellphone number. He laughed and said "your jersey number". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 695

You deserved it 11 413

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The Top

Today, I did a tribute to Ukraine at my school’s end of the year talent show by singing “Imagine.” by John Lennon. I thought I did well, until a group of guys in the audience began roaring with laughter and pointing. Then more people followed. I didn’t finish the song and left the stage bawling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 533

You deserved it 351

Today, I was watching The Omen with my father. A little bit into the movie, my dad turned to me and said, "Wow, you really looked like that Damien kid when you were little." Apparently I strangely look like the Antichrist, and I'm a teenage girl. Thanks Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 557

You deserved it 4 755

Today, after I helped get my boyfriend get a new job, he thanked me by dumping me for some whore who works there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 000

You deserved it 1 256

Today, I was sitting in a lecture about the history of the KKK and the problems it has caused, when the weirdest and quietest kid leans over my shoulder and says "I'd burn you first..." and winks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 260

You deserved it 3 658

Today, I work at a chocolate factory on the sanitation shift. I was under a machine cleaning and a spider fell on me. I started freaking out and a coworker thought I got caught in the moving parts and frantically pulled me out and alerted my boss. Turns out it was just a piece of caramel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 237

You deserved it 44 986

Today, I had a brain fart moment while asking out a cute guy. I meant to say, "When are you going to let me take you out for coffee?” but what actually came out of my mouth was, “When are you going to let me do you?” He turned bright red and I ran away, and I’m too scared to go back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 317