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By why me - 29/06/2016 04:41 - United States - Milford

Today, I bought a brand new Wii U. My cat must have thought the wires looked tasty because he chewed through each of them, which will now cost me another $100. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 404

You deserved it 1 925

Best seat in the house

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Norway

Today, a truck rear-ended my car and drove off. I could see everything from my office, everything except his license plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 697

You deserved it 1 948

By Anonymous - 17/12/2013 17:20 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I came home after a long day at work, and decided to tidy up a bit before finally settling down to relax. I went to take the garbage out, when the bag split and out fell the trash along with hundreds of tiny red ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 166

You deserved it 3 292

By tannerrosetx_1 - 06/04/2015 11:44 - United States - Irving

Today, I was pickpocketed. I didn't realize until I stopped to get breakfast. I went back home to see that my dog had taken my wallet and had ripped and torn it up. I was pickpocketed by my own dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 150

You deserved it 3 728

By Anonymous - 04/04/2015 12:42 - United States - Clifton Park

Today, I was forced into accepting a "promotion" for a position that pays less than what I get right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 262

You deserved it 3 091

Don't come

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, my parents and in-laws are in a bidding war for the house next door, since we are about to have a son. We're not even sure if we want them living this close. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 471

You deserved it 1 579

Bedtime

By kids shouldnt have hard sports equipment - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Australia - Woodville

Today, I was knocked unconscious by the 10 year-old I was babysitting because it was his younger sister's bedtime and he didn't want her to go. When I came to, their mother was screaming at me for sleeping on the job. In the middle of the kitchen floor. I lost a job and gained a killer headache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 656

You deserved it 1 711

By Anonymous - 31/12/2015 21:26 - New Zealand

Today, I found out how it feels to have a car door slammed shut on my hand, breaking two of my fingers. Hint: it's fucking painful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 191

You deserved it 2 042

Going at it

By GiveADogABone - 15/10/2015 22:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying to get it on on the bed. As soon as things were starting to get heated, I turned over and saw that my dog had not only jumped up on the bed, but had been watching and started to hump the pillow next to our heads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 104

You deserved it 3 534

By notanazigrandchildafterall - 21/09/2015 11:32 - Germany - Leipzig

Today, going through my late grandmother's papers, I found out that my grandfather had never been in the Nazi party. The reason he was not allowed to work as a teacher was that he had never passed his university exams. He found an invented Nazi past less shameful than academic failure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 816

You deserved it 1 748

By Anonymous - 21/08/2015 01:42 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by offering me a foot massage to ease my sore feet after a run. I asked for a lot of pressure. Now I'm back home in a walking boot after being diagnosed with a fractured fifth metatarsal bone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 596

You deserved it 5 421

By NotJobbing - 11/08/2015 23:05 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my lazy bastard of a co-worker punched me straight in the jaw because he didn't get the promotion I did. Being his new manager, I fired him. A few hours later, I was fired for "abusing" my power. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 479

You deserved it 3 160

By HappyBirthdayISuppose - 01/04/2013 05:03 - United States - Westminster

Today, for my birthday, the only "gift" my parents gave me was the gift of choice: I got to choose which one of them I'll be living with after their upcoming divorce. This was the first time I'd heard anything about a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 130

You deserved it 2 379

Genius

By Anonymous - 25/04/2014 21:42 - United States - Red Bank

Today, my dad and I got into an argument. When I was proven wrong, he said, "Good job, genius." I shot back the first thing that popped into my head, which was "I am NOT a genius!" He laughed and says that if I die before him, he's having that engraved on my tombstone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 529

You deserved it 14 397

By Anonymous - 08/09/2009 20:48 - Canada

Today, my boss fired me because a coworker had seen me reading magazines on the job. That same coworker was the one who offered me the magazine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 151

You deserved it 7 940

By WheatiesMan - 15/06/2016 10:52

Today, I'm on a class trip to Washington DC. Last night, my roommate took a shower, and I decided that I would take one in the morning. This morning, I found out after I got out of the shower that my roommate used one towel for drying himself, and the other for a mat. He didn't hang either of them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 023

You deserved it 1 286

By technodont - 11/05/2015 14:37 - United States

Today, my rental car had an automatic rear hatch. That sounded helpful until I used it and it emptied $60 in just-purchased groceries for the week on the parking lot pavement. The jars and jugs weren't ready for the leap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 309

You deserved it 4 358

Snoopy

By poorbeauty - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, my sister found and read my journal. My first entry talked about how I shaved my ass for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 728

You deserved it 2 913

By lorb101 - 29/04/2015 15:34 - Australia - Mount Waverley

Today, after recently getting my car fully serviced and fixed, the horn has decided to spontaneously beep. To stop the beeping I have to press the horn hard, making it look like I'm purposely doing it to piss people off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 978

You deserved it 2 335

lorb101 tells us more.

lorb101 9

Thursday 30 April 2015 16:54

I booked in next week to get it looked at- hopefully it behaves until then!! It just gets super awkward because I'm a 22 year old female and so not the usual candidate for a cheeky drive by beeping!! Thanks for all your concern guys!! Xxx

By epicvixen - 15/03/2015 21:12 - Canada - Richmond

Today, while driving, I saw someone's hubcap blowing away behind me on the highway. I thought it was funny and sort of chuckled to myself. Later I realized it was my hubcap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 779

You deserved it 27 294

By Pretty_Pisces - 06/04/2016 19:16 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I met my downstairs neighbor after she repeatedly banged on my floor as a way to quiet me down. I guess I'm not allowed to walk on my floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 835

You deserved it 1 342

Pretty_Pisces tells us more.

Pretty_Pisces 11

Thursday 7 April 2016 14:29

Hey guys this is my FML! Anyway my neighbor downstairs has been trouble since I moved in. My 1 year old can't play with his toys and I can't so much as breathe without her acting passive aggressively toward me. I guess I should give her the benefit of the doubt because the unit above hers was empty for so long? But I met her at the mailbox the other day and told her as much as I tried to be quiet, I'm not dead. I will make a little noise since we live in an older complex. She hasn't really bothered me since then. Thanks for reading!

By Noname - 18/01/2009 10:24 - United States

Today, I tried buying a video game that was rated "M - for mature". The Cashier told me "you have to be 17 to buy this game". I didn't have any ID on me. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 994

You deserved it 4 341

By Brit - 16/12/2011 08:50 - Reserved

Today, two American guys attacked me for not speaking their language. I'm from England, and they said I'm speaking my own language wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 363

You deserved it 6 871

By Anonymous - 12/02/2015 20:14 - Canada - Ajax

Today, I discovered that my male coworker, who coincidentally shares my last name, has been telling everyone we're married. I'm 26; he's 58. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 100

You deserved it 2 381

By Sam - 30/10/2008 14:51 - Canada

Today, I had a barbecue. My boss won't believe me tomorrow when I tell him that the main pages of his 2-months worth of work file helped make the best sausages I've ever cooked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 222

You deserved it 30 811

By FeelingFatastic - 05/01/2015 06:08 - United States

Today, my coworker asked me if I was on a diet for my New Year's resolution. When I said no, she replied, "Why not?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 516

You deserved it 4 390

By sadness - 12/10/2012 02:48 - United States - Metairie

Today, the guy I'm dating came into the same restaurant where I was eating. He was with a girl. He sat at the table next to mine and didn't even bother to say, "Hi." I guess I'm single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 427

You deserved it 2 294

By Anonymous - 16/01/2016 05:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to fresh coffee, pancakes, and the sight of my dad digging a grave in the backyard for my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 217

You deserved it 1 311

By Anonymous - 21/11/2015 21:12 - United States - Rockville

Today, I sliced my finger on a frozen chicken cutlet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 729

You deserved it 2 797

By couch girl - 25/06/2013 16:23 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I got harassed and screamed at by a middle-aged man for parking in a spot close to the store, because he wanted the same spot so he didn't have to walk so far with his groceries. He took a photo and vowed to report me to the authorities. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 820

You deserved it 3 925

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Today, at 3 in the morning, I was getting out of bed to use the bathroom, when my boyfriend grabbed my arm, looked at me wide-eyed and begged, "Don't... They'll take your skin..." He doesn't remember saying it, and now I'm scared shitless to use the bathroom at night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 967

You deserved it 2 887

Today, a guy asked me why I'm single. As a joke, I told him that not only do I have a penis, but that it's so large that most men are intimidated by it. He wasn't impressed. And I actually wonder why I'm single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 294

You deserved it 32 090

Today, our school won third prize for a project about inclusion. At the fancy reception, none of our students got included in anything, though. They didn’t manage to talk to people from any other school, because everyone else was busy staring at their phones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 125

Today, my boss caught me singing and dancing in the office when I thought no one was around. Trying to save face, I told him I was just practicing for a team-building event. He smiled and said, "Great, you can lead the next one." Now I have to choreograph a team-building dance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136

You deserved it 715

Today, I have to sleep in another room, with the door closed, because if I don't, my girlfriend's snoring will keep me awake. I was diagnosed with chronic insomnia because of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 134

Today, after waiting a week for an update on my car after the engine blew, all covered by warranty, I was informed that my car is under investigation for warranty fraud. This is its fourth engine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 127