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By Anonymous - 26/03/2016 15:36 - United States - Mckinney

Today, my 5-year-old daughter said "Mommy, why doesn't anyone wanna marry you?" I've been asking myself the same question for all too many years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 976

You deserved it 1 981

By weirdfridgelady - 21/09/2018 05:56

Today, after a long shift at work, I got home feeling sick and nauseous. I went to remove the tampon I'd had in all day and go to bed, but I literally uncorked myself. There was blood everywhere... on the floor, all over my legs, even on the walls. Everywhere I look, I find more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 280

You deserved it 904

weirdfridgelady tells us more.

weirdfridgelady 15

Thursday 20 September 2018 13:38

Thanks for support and backup. Because I am aware of the risks of TSS but I just simply didn’t have time to change my tampon, and yes I had a pad also. Also the first time it’s happened to me, so just a bad and very messy day, I’m usually much more hygienic with those sorts of things.

By I_Am_The_Cold - 02/12/2015 09:00 - Canada - Maple Ridge

Today, I realized how much of an invisible artist I am when I got a little excited when someone stole my art. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 715

You deserved it 1 999

I_Am_The_Cold tells us more.

I_Am_The_Cold 19

Saturday 5 December 2015 9:20

Original Poster here. I made an account a long time ago and used this bad occurrence as a last ditch effort to get an FML up. I gave up on my account and posted anonymously, so, here I am. Yes, some fool stole my art and posted it to their site claiming it as their own. I got a bit excited that someone liked my art enough to do SOMETHING with it, but then a few minutes later, the logic set in. It's down now, thankfully.

By Anonymous - 16/09/2014 05:04 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, a customer told me that there was no way he was paying for his shopping. He then walked off. As it turns out, the customer IS always right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 423

You deserved it 3 294

By fjsinedniend - 28/10/2015 01:52 - United States - Missoula

Today, I was having a conversation with a new friend when she remembered she needed to grab something from her car. I don't know where she parked, but it's been two and a half hours and she's still gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 598

You deserved it 2 267

By dealtit - 30/07/2014 03:49 - United States - Toccoa

Today, I accidentally farted in the middle of class. Thinking I got away with it, I just kept doing my work until some kid across the room says, "I could have done better." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 185

You deserved it 6 860

By Anonymous - 07/05/2014 20:57 - India - Kundan

Today, my boss was fired by the board. A few days ago, he dropped several strong hints that he was going to promote me soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 465

You deserved it 3 527

Alcohol ain't no joke

By WellPlayedMother - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually lose anything. Instead, my mom drunkenly admitted to tossing my stuff away and then punishing me for it whenever she was mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 729

You deserved it 1 079

The office, but worse

By officeditz - 04/06/2015 01:59 - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, my District Manager was impressed by all the appointments in my upcoming calendar. Bubbling with pride, I blurted out, "Oh, I just love to have all my slots filled!" The awkward silence was only broken by, "That's what she said!" from the next cubicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 620

You deserved it 5 741

Not now, Dave

By shanti - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff

Today, my husband cracked a "Rectum? Damn near killed him" joke at my grandfather's funeral. He had genuinely spoken without thinking, but his quick gasp and "Oh shit" sounded quite sarcastic. We were both kicked out. My family thinks I put him up to the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 512

You deserved it 4 856

By pandasbear - 26/05/2010 08:18 - United States

Today, I went on a first date wearing a new hair color. It was Interior Latex Slate Speckled Grey, from accidentally leaning my head against a wall while house painting earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 875

You deserved it 14 211

By Anonymous - 11/02/2018 15:00

Today, I spent a nice night with the guy I’ve been madly crushing on for the past year. When he went to the bathroom and left his phone unlocked, I looked at his photo album and saw photos of my house, my room, me sleeping, and my naked body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 772

You deserved it 1 283

By Anonymous - 26/04/2015 07:09 - Australia - Burwood

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend having phone sex less than 10 feet away from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 019

You deserved it 2 970

By Kakapo4Ever - 20/05/2016 09:01 - United Kingdom - Abingdon

Today, I needed the toilet in the night. Walking through my pitch black house barefoot, I felt something squish beneath my heel. Thinking it was a morsel of previously dropped food, I turned on the light to clean it up. My eyes met a twitching gecko body, with a flattened, exploded head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 695

You deserved it 1 406

Kakapo4Ever tells us more.

Kakapo4Ever 11

Saturday 21 May 2016 0:00

This is OP here. Firstly, I live in Oxfordshire, England as of now but I used to live in Singapore, which is tropical, so geckos were everywhere, inside and out - especially as our house had a relatively wild and unkempt garden. They weren't any trouble at all and the only ways of keeping them out of the house were cruel, so yeah they were just all over the walls and floors. This is when the FML happened. Secondly, it's not outlandish to assume someone may have dropped a bit of food on the floor is it? Surely more likely than a ******* gecko head. And yes I agree the true FML is for the gecko...twas a tragic night :(

Get it on

By brunetteshavemorefun - 22/12/2012 17:56 - United Kingdom - Burnley

Today, I dyed my naturally-blonde hair dark brown. Upon seeing me, my boyfriend immediately wanted to have sex, because I now remind him of his favourite porn star. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 033

You deserved it 15 178

By noname - 14/01/2009 06:33 - France

Today, my husband called me “my little zebra”. I gave birth a month ago, and I’ve kept a few stretch marks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 765

You deserved it 2 719

By whereismyring - 28/03/2016 00:47 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my ex-boyfriend announced he was engaged. We broke up last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 680

You deserved it 1 726

By inhaler -.- - 06/10/2013 05:20 - United States - Huntsville

Today, it was my first time having a make out session with my boyfriend. I got so nervous that a few minutes into it, I had to stop to take my inhaler. This happened twice more afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 588

You deserved it 5 785

By TheCrossingChick - 30/11/2011 05:23 - United States

Today, my boss showed us a small picture of his family on his phone. Jokingly, I commented on how the orange shirt he was wearing reminded me of a big pumpkin. He wasn't wearing an orange shirt. His wife was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 672

You deserved it 28 928

By twinzies - 20/02/2016 02:46 - United States - Chula Vista

Today, there's a new freshman at my school that looks exactly like me. Whenever we see her, my friends shout "Twinzies!" I don't have anything against her, but I'm bummed because I'm a male senior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 642

You deserved it 1 856

By MereLewis95 - 26/10/2011 08:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother called me urgently from the kitchen. Thinking she was hurt, I ran to her as fast as possible. She threw a wet cloth at my head and ran away, laughing her face off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 471

You deserved it 4 541

By Emily - 21/09/2012 01:39 - United States - Mission Viejo

Today, my friend posted my phone number all over the Internet, claiming I was a deranged stalker who prank called her. I was calling from my new number to give it to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 194

You deserved it 2 031

By misc - 20/11/2010 10:40 - Australia

Today, my brand new iPhone 4 was stolen from my bag. I asked the bartender if anyone had handed it in. I soon found out that while I was talking to her, someone swiped my wallet from the bag too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 748

You deserved it 8 313

By AntSimo - 19/05/2009 07:46 - South Africa

Today, whilst presenting a report to the head of my college, I was arrested by a police officer for assault. I was in a bar the night before and accidentally bumped into a local tough guy on the way to the toilet. I got punched in the face. The witnesses got our names mixed up. That'll look great on my CV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 692

You deserved it 2 975

By junko - 18/11/2015 01:44 - United States - Tyngsboro

Today, my parents found out that my younger brother has been smoking pot. As his punishment, he can't be home alone anymore. And apparently, I'm now his full-time babysitter since I "don't have a life anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 989

You deserved it 2 050

junko_fml tells us more.

junko_fml 21

Saturday 9 January 2016 1:17

Hey, everyone! OP here. After this happened, my parents enforced the rule for barely a day before they realized how stupid it was and how impossible it is to enforce. My brother (who is 18, by the way) ended up finding loopholes in every punishment that they gave him afterwards, while I lived my life of freedom. Thanks for your advice, guys; I enjoyed reading your comments!

By FANZZY - 18/08/2014 16:29 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I learned that when someone is choking you don't do the "hymen maneuver", you do the "heimlich maneuver". I was corrected by my girlfriend's parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 277

You deserved it 16 317

By sniffmyzebra - 20/10/2015 19:46 - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, my blind date tried to sell me a vacuum. I bought it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 951

You deserved it 8 297

sniffmyzebra tells us more.

sniffmyzebra 14

Wednesday 21 October 2015 22:37

Can't believe this was published! OP here, as some you said, the date really did suck. But my brand new vacuum sucks even more! Did I do it right? I'll leave.

By Anonymous - 18/11/2009 06:17 - United States

Today, at the old folk's home where I work as a housekeeper, a resident was holding herself on the way to the bathroom. I hoped she wouldn't leave a mess. She made it just fine. I was then informed that she had left a crap trail from the couch, more than 20ft away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 486

You deserved it 2 749