love_monkey1277_fml

Free hugs

Today, I was walking down the strip with a friend when we saw a homeless man with no arm. I felt bad, so I gave him some cash and I looked into his poor little eyes when he put out his arm for a hug. Without thinking, I hugged him. Right as I was thinking, "WTF am I doing?" he kissed my boob. FML

Today, my bedridden mother called me selfish. After an operation two weeks ago, all I've done is feed her, clean her and the house every day. She called me selfish because I couldn't lift a TV into her room. FML

War drums

Today, while having sex, my boyfriend started singing the Star Wars theme song as he entered his penis into me. FML

Today, our power went out due to some severe storms. My daughter, who is 18, asked me why the lights on the car still worked. FML