PRiMARELYiNSANE

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About Primarelyinsane

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Primarelyinsane's favorite FMLs

By Savannah - 01/08/2011 21:20 - United States

Today, my dad confessed that the only reason I'm alive today is because he couldn't afford to pay for an abortion. He couldn't afford it because he'd splashed out on brand new furniture at IKEA shortly before discovering my mom was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 097

You deserved it 2 965

By chinchilla4404 - 02/08/2011 14:17 - United States

Today, I broke my leg while trying to show my friend how I broke my other leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 145

You deserved it 72 259

What a cad!

By the2girls - 09/08/2011 16:08 - Canada

Today, I was walking to get ice-cream with my boyfriend. When we were ordering our cone, the girl who was scooping it said to my boyfriend, "Hey I know you! You're the one who slept with my sister-in-law the other night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 308

You deserved it 5 238

By BerzerkelyBongBabe - 23/08/2011 21:55 - United States

Today, after 18 years of struggling to provide my daughter with the finest educational opportunities I could afford, I dropped her off to start school at the best public university in the U.S. So far the only thing she's learned is what weed smells like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 337

You deserved it 6 276

It's me

By Embarassed - 24/08/2011 02:44 - United Kingdom

Today, at a party I bumped into a friend of my ex. We caught the same bus home. He started telling me about my ex's "totally insane" ex-girlfriend. He refused to believe me when I told him he was talking about me. I had to sit there for half an hour as my personality was ripped to shreds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 223

You deserved it 5 886

By skichick54 - 24/08/2011 05:28 - United States

Today, my house got watermeloned. Not egged, watermeloned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 311

You deserved it 3 743

By Anonymous - 24/08/2011 08:03 - United States

Today, my aunt and uncle stole $584 from me, since I'm moving out. Their reasoning? I stole things. When I asked what I'd stolen, my aunt looked me straight in the eye and said "Milk Duds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 439

You deserved it 3 315

By Meagan smith - 24/08/2011 20:33 - United States

Today, I started my new job as a teacher. Worried about how I looked, I asked a coworker if I looked okay. She said, "You look fine. Just like a normal high school kid." I spent the next half hour convincing her that I was not a student, but a teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 259

You deserved it 3 674

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 22:38 - United States

Today, as I was making instant hot chocolate from the hot water dispenser in the break-room at work, a coworker informed me that it was industrial "recycled" wastewater that was only supposed to be used for washing tools. Thanks. I've only been doing that every day for the past 8 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 114

You deserved it 5 283

By MJjunior - 31/08/2011 16:04 - Australia

Today, I started my first day working at a toddler day care center. At one point I decided to play "got your nose" with one of the kids. It turns out this kid has a physical birth abnormality on his face. I got his nose... his prosthetic nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 537

You deserved it 13 290

By faceless_sailor8 - 31/08/2011 16:25 - United States

Today, my wife compared me to Sid the sloth from Ice Age. Same smile, same eyes, same belly, same big feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 700

You deserved it 5 739

By Anonymous - 01/09/2011 06:22 - United States

Today, while working in my pharmacy, a patient told me that he sometimes wants to jump the counter and skin me alive. He has no more refills, and his doctor is out of town for the week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 472

You deserved it 2 119

Cool look

By d0rk_ - 02/09/2011 20:44 - Canada

Today, I was in English class when I had to use the bathroom. As I was signing out, the teacher said, "Don't forget the hall pass!" It was a plunger. I had to walk across the school with a plunger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 500

You deserved it 5 259

By Hoggiebear - 05/10/2011 16:08 - United States

Today, my friends learned that if you play "connect the dots" with the pimples on my back the resulting picture is a large penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 414

You deserved it 5 375

Hermit life

By Pookaa - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got a text from someone I've been avoiding saying, "Can I come visit you today?" I replied, "No, sorry, I'm not home." They then replied "Then who is that in your living room?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 204

You deserved it 8 411

By Hairytoes - 07/10/2011 10:35 - United States

Today, I could actually feel my toe hairs flapping in the breeze. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 755

You deserved it 17 469

By Laura - 08/10/2011 04:49 - United States

Today, I found out the people I babysit for have a nanny cam. Problem is, when I'm there, I act out scenarios in which I have the sweetest boyfriend. I also say his parts out loud in a man's voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 345

You deserved it 45 366

Psycho

By Anonymous - 12/10/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, I was on a drive with my uncle. We saw a dead deer on the side of the road and expressed our pity for it. Then a squirrel runs across the road and my uncle swerves toward the squirrel, laughing hysterically and yelling, "Run rodent run." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 647

You deserved it 4 238

By Anonymous - 14/10/2011 14:41 - United States

Today, my dad yelled at me for buying chunky peanut butter. He wanted smooth. Apparently he's "allergic to peanuts." I had to explain to him why his argument made no sense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 367

You deserved it 2 673

By Nixontones - 14/10/2011 15:09 - United States

Today, I have been pissing blood for 2 hours, ever since some douche in a Nixon mask ran up and slugged me in the kidney. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 088

You deserved it 2 525