Cape Town, South Africa
Today, I received my first wedding present in the mail. I opened it immediately and called the sender to say thanks. She yelled at me for opening it and, because she shipped it to me by mistake, requested it back. FML
Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? Go on then." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML
Today, I got a parking ticket in the mail. I don't have a car. FML
Today, I arranged to have some flowers delivered at work for Valentine's Day so that my colleagues will think someone likes me. FML
Today, I dreamed I was getting married. I was wearing a white dress, had incredible cleavage and perfectly done makeup. Just one problem. I'm a guy. FML
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