Smexia

Today, my husband caught me scratching my armpit with his beard brush. Just last week I swore that I never touch it. FML

Today, I agreed to catsit for a friend. Her cat rode back to my house sitting on my shoulder in the car. As soon as I opened the door, he jumped out and ran off into the woods. It's been 2 1/2 hours and not even food will entice him back to me. FML