Spicy

Unforgettable

By Anonymous - 07/01/2019 14:00

Today, after many, many years of desperate bodily insecurity and therapy, I woke up next to the man of my dreams, who told me the sex was wonderful. Apparently, gin plays wonders with my memory. I don't remember a thing. And that was my first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 772

You deserved it 934

Great benefits, though

By Sam - 03/01/2019 20:00 - United States - Denver

Today, my friend with benefits that I was starting to like forgot my name in front of his friends when they asked who I was. We've known each other for at least a year. I think this means I'm just a benefit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 639

You deserved it 897

By Anonymous - 28/12/2018 12:00 - United States

Today, I learned that not only is my husband having an affair with my own mother, but my whole family knew. They were keeping it a secret from me for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 432

You deserved it 384

Careless Whisper?

By InsultToInjury - 28/12/2018 04:00

Today, I had a one night stand. After her laying there without moving for ages, she impatiently asked if I'd finished. Once she got bored and told me to just finish myself off, her song playlist began playing "Never Gonna Dance Again". Very romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 126

You deserved it 1 264

Side dick

By Joanna - 27/12/2018 18:00

Today, during sex I said my side dick's name instead of my boyfriend. He isn't speaking to me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 13 000

By Anonymous - 27/12/2018 04:00

Today, my husband left his cellphone unlocked so I decided to go through it. I found 10 texts threads from 10 different women, one of them from my 18 year old sister who was sending him nude pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 726

You deserved it 1 688

Knackered

By Tired - 25/12/2018 12:00

Today, was my first day off in almost a month. My husband and I spent all morning arguing, then he left to his job saying he wouldn't be back tonight. Apparently I'm being neglectful because I don't have the energy for sex after being the only one working full time, cooking, cleaning, and running errands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 007

You deserved it 440

By jess - 24/12/2018 04:00

Today, I decided to go home and apologise to my husband for accusing him of having an affair. I came home to find him having sex with my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 270

You deserved it 336

Prank [GONE WRONG] [GONE SEXUAL]

By Mintspice - 19/12/2018 06:00 - United States

Today, my friends decided to pull a prank. They told my girlfriend I'd cheated on her, which I hadn't. Her revenge? Inviting me over to have me walk in on her with my brother. Our 6-month anniversary was two days away and I got her a trip to Spain, which cost me almost three paychecks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 756

You deserved it 688

By Unlucky - 19/12/2018 02:00 - United Kingdom - Bagworth

Today, I found out my ex gave me an STI. Today I also found out I'm allergic to the medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 077

You deserved it 546

Unwarranted

By Varnpike - 18/12/2018 03:00

Today, I was messaging memes back and forth with one of my female coworkers and I accidentally sent a picture of my junk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 642

You deserved it 6 654

By Helseac - 17/12/2018 03:00

Today, I noticed my husband makes better sex sounds on the toilet then he does with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 768

You deserved it 460

By Sad_Happy_Gorl - 15/12/2018 23:00 - United States - University Center

Today, I found out my boyfriend has to picture someone else when we have sex. The most recent: my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 453

You deserved it 359

By Anonymous - 14/12/2018 14:00

Today, after weeks of no sex, my boyfriend finally decided to have sex with me. While we were getting into it I accidentally farted in his face while his mouth was open. No more sex for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 686

You deserved it 2 160

Sex ed 101

By clapping_for_you - 14/12/2018 12:30

Today, during a private discussion, my teenage son confessed to me he finally lost his virginity several weeks ago. Why did he confess? He came to me to ask why it all of a sudden hurts when he pees, and asked if it could have anything to do with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 370

You deserved it 419

By Anonymous - 13/12/2018 15:30

Today, I’m almost six weeks pregnant. From exactly ten seconds of penetration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 427

You deserved it 1 402

Small world

By Anonymous - 13/12/2018 03:00

Today, I got back to my hotel at the same time as my supervisor and realized we had rooms right next to each other. I thought it was funny and said good night to him… only to remember that I had slept with HIS boss last night. We were not quiet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 486

You deserved it 3 919

By Mia - 12/12/2018 17:00 - India - Mumbai

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to get it on. That's when the bell rang. He said, 'I'll just be back'. 5 minutes later, still no sign of him. I wrapped myself in a towel and went to the hall. Turns out his new PS4 had arrived. He said, 'I forgot you were here, sorry' and continued to play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 903

You deserved it 464

By Lisa - 11/12/2018 04:00 - Romania

Today, I made out with a handsome man in the restroom at a party. There was a knock on the door, interrupting us. It was his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 941

You deserved it 1 445

Mr Commitment

By Crushed - 09/12/2018 12:30

Today, I finally got past my anxiety and confessed my feelings to the guy I like and have been intimate with. He responded that he just still wants to be close friends with me and still bang me monogamously, but with no relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 131

You deserved it 544

By Anonymous - 07/12/2018 20:00 - United States - Huntsville

Today, I finally lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams, unfortunately she called me by my ex-bestfriend's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 868

You deserved it 382

Ammo

By Ms.rain - 07/12/2018 12:30

Today, my boyfriend went through my phone while I was in the bathroom, to check if I was cheating. I'm not. He was looking for some leverage for when he told me he's been fucking my best friend for the last year, he could use something against me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 465

You deserved it 264

Self harm

By Embarrassed - 06/12/2018 03:00

Today, I managed to give myself a blowjob and it was great. The only problem is that I got stuck between the wall and my bed while I was doing it. I had to call for help and my whole family came to see what was wrong. They all knew what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 410

You deserved it 6 366

By Anonymous - 05/12/2018 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today me and my boyfriend were in an adventurous sexual position and as I started to orgasm he slipped, landed awkwardly and dislocated both my hips, while I was in the middle of an orgasm. Somehow the pleasure of the orgasm made the pain worse. I don't think I'll ever want sex again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 750

You deserved it 446

No kinkshaming, but…

By Anonymous - 04/12/2018 15:00 - United States - Saint Joseph

Today, I realized that my husband's preferred sexual activities not only don't require me to take off my clothes, but go much better for him when I don't. He doesn't get why this makes me self-conscious about getting naked in front of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 265

You deserved it 454

Mutilated knob

By JWags - 04/12/2018 05:00

Today, at 30 years-old, my wife asked why I'm circumcised when my parents aren't religious. I didn't know I was circumcised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 690

You deserved it 1 620

Help!

By Anonymous - 03/12/2018 14:00

Today, my son begged me to take him to the doctor for the weeping bloody rash on his penis so I had to take an unpaid day off for his appointment. The doctor laughed us out the door after it turned out to be a good old-fashioned friction burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 430

You deserved it 586

By Anonymous - 30/11/2018 15:30

Today, a week after my son was born via C-section, I received 3 messages from 3 different women saying that they had recently slept with my fiancé. One of them said they tested positive for herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 954

You deserved it 265

Odd couple

By poorpony - 29/11/2018 14:00

Today, I got on an elevator with a couple that started fighting about which sex outfit the guy should wear for their next roleplay. When they couldn't decide, they proceeded to show me all of the photos, including a My Little Pony outfit. I had to go up the next 22 floors with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 857

You deserved it 366

By Sapphire Mills - 28/11/2018 13:30

Today, it's my 2-year wedding anniversary. It also marks 2 years since my wife told me, "We're married now we don't need to have sex anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 609

You deserved it 586

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Friendship is no joke

I agree, your life sucks 290

You deserved it 80

Today, my girlfriend is refusing to do anything around the house for me, including cooking, cleaning, laundry, or having sex. When I saw her cooking, I asked if any was for me. She instead replied, “Have the dog do it for you.” All this after I told her honestly that yes, my dog does mean more to me than she does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 2 916

Today, a man with a face like a corpse's shoe started talking to me in the long queue at the Post Office. Apparently, his mother invented the banana, and he's first in line for the throne in France if ever Prince Harry dies. And his breath smelled like Satan's ass gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 342

You deserved it 3 850

Today, it was my mother’s birthday. I was on my way to pick up her cake but I got into a car accident and ended up in the emergency room. When I call her to explain what happened, she called me an useless fuck for ruining her birthday by not bringing the cake. She’s yet to ask if I'm okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 248

You deserved it 93

Today, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me, saying I don’t make her happy, I don’t make her laugh, that she feels she is settling for me, and that she's not being pleased sexually. Even though she has always said I did all of that, and that we could work through anything. I was going to propose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 123

You deserved it 370

Today, my boyfriend of 8 months was having a really bad day at work. Thinking I would cheer him up a bit, I send him a picture of myself while I was changing. His response? He dumped me. He said it was unprofessional and immature of me to do that. He works in the middle of nowhere, by himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 676

You deserved it 177