Spicy

By ScarredForLife - 25/12/2009 06:28 - United States

Today, I introduced my family to beerpong. They especially liked the part about distracting each other while shooting. My grandma flashed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 856

You deserved it 11 916

Rejection erection

By paidback - 25/12/2009 01:10 - United States

Today, I rejected my wife for sex. She then started to masturbate next to me. I got an erection. She then rejected me for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 685

You deserved it 83 507

By everybodysfool - 24/12/2009 01:02 - United States

Today, after having an amazing intimate encounter with my boyfriend of two years, I put on an old pair of boxers I still have from when I was heavier. He thinks I'm cheating on him and doesn't believe I used to be fat. Now he won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 132

You deserved it 4 298

By omgboobs - 23/12/2009 02:34 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that when my nipples are hard, he thinks that they look like giant zits, and when he squeezes them, he imagines them popping pus. He then reached for my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 983

You deserved it 2 785

By shallowvomit1013 - 23/12/2009 01:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, i started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 073

You deserved it 5 442

By Secretisout - 22/12/2009 03:28 - United States

Today, I found out where all my expensive bras and panties have been disappearing to. Apparently, while I'm at work, my fifteen year-old son's girlfriend has been stealing them after they have sex in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 410

You deserved it 3 465

By Anonymous - 21/12/2009 08:29 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend was sleeping, I got naked and sat on top of him. He woke up and I asked him if he would rather stay awake or go back to sleep, in hopes that he would stay awake and want to do some naughty stuff with me. His response? To grab my butt, and then go back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 351

You deserved it 20 013

By thatguy - 21/12/2009 00:20 - United States

Today, I bought a laptop so that I could have dirty video chats with my internet girlfriend. I got home only to find that the only place I can get a decent wifi signal is in front of my mom's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 625

You deserved it 24 234

By Catholicguy - 20/12/2009 08:14 - United States

Today, I was about to propose. I got on my knee in front of my girlfriend and opened the box. My friend thought it would be funny to replace the ring with a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 342

You deserved it 4 558

By VCR - 20/12/2009 07:13 - United States

Today, I found my underwear in my brother's pillow as well as my vibrator and Victoria's Secret magazines. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 526

You deserved it 3 741

Take what you can

By omglifee - 20/12/2009 04:13 - Canada

Today, I sneezed seven times in a row. That's the closest thing I've had to an orgasm in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 930

You deserved it 4 136

Thanks, I hate it

By Anonymous - 19/12/2009 11:53 - United States

Today, after realizing it burned when I peed, I found out the boy I waited two years to have sex with gave me gonorrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 829

You deserved it 7 282

By Madagascar - 19/12/2009 10:18 - Australia

Today, when my boyfriend and I were becoming intimate, his cat decides to jump onto the bed and lie right in between us. He then informs me that he wanted to stop to "preserve his cat's innocence." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 954

You deserved it 4 910

Doing the rounds

By Anonymous - 18/12/2009 20:33 - United States

Today, my best friend admitted to me that he and my girlfriend have been cheating behind my back for the past two months. The reason he finally admitted it? Because she's now cheating on him with another one of our friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 173

You deserved it 2 883

Didn't see you there

By eatmyshipoopie - 18/12/2009 15:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend when my dad opened the door. I thought I hadn't been seen because the door was only open a tiny bit. I then looked into the mirror by the door to see my dad's reflection, staring at mine, horrified. I was on top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 703

You deserved it 10 182

RIP Skype

By Jssceli09 - 18/12/2009 08:25 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were using our Skype accounts for the first time. He went to the restroom and I thought that I'd surprise him with my clothes off for when he came back. I heard him walk back into the room so I got into position. It wasn't him. It was his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 673

You deserved it 25 066

By turriblebday - 17/12/2009 15:35 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My girlfriend took me out to dinner. While at the restaurant, she went to the bathroom. She was then escorted out of the restaurant for having sex in said bathroom. I was sitting at our booth the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 010

You deserved it 2 602

Silver linings

By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 19:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me that he will never marry me because we are different ethnicities and his parents don't approve. I was of course very upset and crying. His way to comfort me was by saying, "Don't worry, I will always cheat on my wife with you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 286

You deserved it 3 763

By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 12:09 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years confessed that he was sleeping with me and 5 other girls while we first started dating. He told me he numbered us and rolled a die to see which one he would date. I guess I won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 679

You deserved it 3 855

By Unsatisfied - 16/12/2009 06:15 - Canada

Today, I found the only man who hates sex. He's my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 137

You deserved it 4 696

Bad women's anatomy

By RazorBumps - 16/12/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me why I have "crotch acne". When I attempted to explain that I have razor bumps from shaving, he got mad and said I was lying and insecure about my obvious facial and bodily acne problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 120

You deserved it 3 514

By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 02:20 - United States

Today, my mom revealed to me that when I was in Preschool, I used to get caught in the bathroom with little boys while I was feeling their "no no" area. I was giving hand jobs to boys before I could read. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 073

You deserved it 7 800

Finals

By Gassy - 14/12/2009 22:24 - United States

Today, I was studying for one of my finals that I had later in the week but decided to take a break and play around with my boyfriend in bed for a couple hours. We decided to 69 for the first time, and everything was going great until out of nowhere, I loudly farted in his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 366

You deserved it 10 949

By sadsadlady - 14/12/2009 20:25 - Canada

Today, I told my husband that while he was away I had had a miscarriage. His response? "If you can't take care of our baby while it is still inside you, how can I trust you to take care of it when it comes out?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 230

You deserved it 3 745

What's this?

By sorrydad - 13/12/2009 18:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had our parents over to our new apartment for the first time. We spent hours cleaning, cooking, and making sure everything was "parent-appropriate." Apparently we didn't notice the BDSM catalog in the pile on our coffee table... but his mom sure did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 550

You deserved it 19 920

By Anonymous - 13/12/2009 08:39 - United States

Today, I came home and saw my girlfriend on the computer. I decided to sex things up and sneak up on her naked from behind. Apparently, she was video-chatting with her friends at the time. They saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 973

You deserved it 25 404

By Anonymous - 13/12/2009 05:19 - United States

Today, I let my boyfriend finger me for the first time. Today, I also learned, after fifteen very, very long minutes of it, how to fake an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 680

You deserved it 6 431

Not cool

By ash203 - 12/12/2009 21:38 - United States

Today, my friend and I got really drunk at the holiday staff party. When I went to work afterwards, everyone gave me the death stare. Apparently, I got so drunk that I flashed my boss's 13-year-old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 314

You deserved it 50 425

Cool prank bro

By Anonymous - 12/12/2009 11:02 - United States

Today, I have been getting calls from a weird kid from my school asking for nudes. I asked how he got my number, then found out that my friends put my number on a pole at school that says, "Call Wendy for a good time, she has nice tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 775

You deserved it 3 570

By Laura_2118 - 12/12/2009 07:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me my first compliment in months. Apparently my body spray makes me smell like a stripper. He then asked me if he could "park the beef bus in tuna town". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 012

You deserved it 4 337

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, in a convenience store, I asked a girl who wasn't wearing her mask and not keeping her distance to step away. After telling me to fuck off, she put her mask on, went to the teenage manager and said I was harassing her. Even after hearing my side of the story, I was asked to leave. Turns out it was his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 869

You deserved it 391

Today, I got a prank call. I now wish he'd call back so I can actually talk to someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 359

You deserved it 8 249

Today, my boss reprimanded me in front of the rest of the staff for "not following instructions" because I went to a company meeting. I have the email from him telling me to go to the meeting. He thinks I faked it. Unemployment sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 074

You deserved it 1 732

Today, my girlfriend of 4 months confessed that she purposely lied and told me she was on the pill when she wasn't so she could get pregnant (she now is). All websites call tampering with birth control reproductive coercion and abuse, but ONLY when a man does it to a woman. When she does it to me, it's a romance book plotline. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 176

You deserved it 196

Today, I had a girl come over to my house that I had been texting for four days. I asked her what she wanted to do and she replied "take a nap". Becoming really excited I lead her to my bedroom and went to the hiding spot for my condoms, she was serious about the nap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 937

You deserved it 63 665

Today, I tried to impress my boss with my knowledge of a subject and ended up sounding like a complete idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 228

You deserved it 1 117