Spicy

Timing is important

By effingdoucher - 30/01/2011 06:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with a guy I met at my friend's party. He stopped mid-thrust, climbed off, and started talking about how nervous he is about buying his first car next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 882

You deserved it 11 040

By anonymous - 29/01/2011 12:41 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my mother walked in on me and my boyfriend having sex. Afterwards, she informed me I would look a lot hotter if I smiled more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 852

You deserved it 8 982

By FamilySecret - 29/01/2011 06:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, while at my boyfriends place, I thought I would be nice by folding his laundry and putting it away since he was working late. I opened his sock drawer and sitting on top was a photo of his mother, naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 941

You deserved it 4 833

Dead bed

By ohyey - 29/01/2011 01:50 - Norway

Spicy

Today, I discovered that my wife isn't cheating on me after all, as I'd feared. We just don't have sex anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 274

You deserved it 7 062

By Anonymous - 28/01/2011 19:59 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I got home from working late and decided to write a cute email to my girlfriend since I haven't seen her in two weeks. I was about to finish it off when my door swung open, and in a panic, I opened another tab to hide my email. It was porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 820

You deserved it 43 643

Tense dinner

By bittenbyadonkey - 28/01/2011 17:23 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my family. Everything went well until my mum started hitting the brandy. While kicked back in her chair, she asked my boyfriend how satisfactory I was in bed, and if he enjoyed going down on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 320

You deserved it 3 586

By JordanVilleneuve - 28/01/2011 03:35 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I went to the park and sat down on a bench to enjoy my coffee. I heard a few young girls behind me talking about how their first experience of sex was. I turned around to see how old these girls really were. One of them was my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 353

You deserved it 7 555

Don't wanna know

By Anonymous - 27/01/2011 17:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mother dragged me into Victoria's Secret to get my opinion on some lingerie. Lingerie she'll be using to get into my dad's pants this evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 880

You deserved it 3 746

Time flies by

By ohdear - 27/01/2011 13:07 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my husband and I are celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary. It's also the 5th anniversary of the last time he made me orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 882

You deserved it 7 407

By Anonymous - 25/01/2011 21:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was released from jail. I had helped a three year old girl get up after falling on a wet floor at the mall last night when the security guards tasered me. Only this morning did they tell me they had mistaken me for a child molester that looks a little bit like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 161

You deserved it 3 568

By totallyscrewedomg - 25/01/2011 17:11 - United States

Spicy

Today, my parents, not trusting me and my boyfriend, told us to call them in the middle of our movie so they could hear it, and prove we weren't up to no good. Well, I called. Just as a raging sex scene started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 488

You deserved it 12 443

By Charlotte - 25/01/2011 14:10

Spicy

Today, I found my electric globe. It asks you where a state, country or city is and you would have to find it and click on it with the pen. I also found out that my parents would sneak into my room at night, take it and play 'strip-globe'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 185

You deserved it 3 049

By raaquel - 25/01/2011 06:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out my boyfriend of 5 years has been cheating on me with a Realtor. The same Realtor who helped me sell my condo so I could move in with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 214

You deserved it 3 035

By Fucked - 24/01/2011 22:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone. The subject of abuse came up and I told her that if her father ever hurt her I would cut his dick off. The next thing I hear is, "Don't say shit you can't back up!" Her father had picked up the phone the moment I'd said it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 799

You deserved it 13 757

By Limalia - 24/01/2011 21:00 - Switzerland

Spicy

Today, one week after my girlfriend berated me for not being invested enough in our relationship, I proposed to her. Her answer? "I meant give me an orgasm, not a ring!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 360

You deserved it 10 659

By Anonymous - 24/01/2011 19:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was walking to bed in fancy panties and a tight black tank top. My husband exclaimed, "This is the best part about being a grown up!" He was talking about the ice cream he was eating in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 735

You deserved it 4 843

By andifalls - 24/01/2011 05:11

Spicy

Today, my 70 year old grandma was yelling at me to take a pregnancy test, in the middle of Walmart. I'm 16, still a virgin and haven't had a boyfriend since I was 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 553

You deserved it 3 543

By Anonymous - 24/01/2011 00:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to see "Black Swan" with my parents, not realizing that it was basically a porno. So I sat next to my dad while Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman had passionate lesbian sex on a twenty foot screen. And I'm pretty sure I heard the old guy behind us jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 898

You deserved it 7 169

By Anonymous - 23/01/2011 00:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 577

You deserved it 14 776

By ohsnap - 22/01/2011 21:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was going down on me, when I heard my dog start growling. He must have thought my girlfriend was hurting me, because out of nowhere and before I could do anything, he attacked her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 865

You deserved it 5 755

Whatcha do when they come for you?

By Anonymous - 22/01/2011 20:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend called me to pick her up from jail. She'd been arrested for indecent exposure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 921

You deserved it 4 389

By mortified - 22/01/2011 16:04 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my dentist pulled a pubic hair out of my braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 490

You deserved it 55 407

By fmlalways - 22/01/2011 13:00 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 837

You deserved it 5 158

The truth

By Theaccident - 22/01/2011 10:03 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my mum told me how I was only here because my dad couldn't pull out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 068

You deserved it 3 679

Romantic

By Anonymous - 22/01/2011 05:29 - Canada

Spicy

Today, at the end of another long workday, my husband announced that he was going to take a shower. Attempting to rekindle some much needed romance in our lives, I seductively asked him, "Want me to join you?" He replied, "Sure. But first I have to poop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 931

You deserved it 6 876

By alaskan1989 - 22/01/2011 01:27 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out I have a huge infected boil on my vagina. The worst part was that I wasn't the one to discover this. My boyfriend was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 491

You deserved it 9 961

By IHateDumbExs - 21/01/2011 17:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, my ex boyfriend apologized for being a jerk to me and threatening our relationship. When he was done, he asked if his apology earned him enough points for a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 356

You deserved it 5 637

IHateDumbExs tells us more.

IHateDumbExs 0

Saturday 22 January 2011 1:52

Haha he didn't come to see me, he came to where I was volunteering to pick up his little sister. He just saw me in passing and asked. And no, his apology was definitely not worth a *******.

By Username - 21/01/2011 01:41

Spicy

Today, while trying to explain to my date that a small coffee would be fine, I said, "I'm cheap and I'm easy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 213

You deserved it 34 276

By saddened97 - 20/01/2011 09:39 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was fingering me. After he left, my mum says to me "I wish my sex life was as interesting as yours." She had walked in and we hadn't even noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 757

You deserved it 12 916

By Anonymous - 20/01/2011 08:52 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was supposed to go on a date with a guy who lives on the same floor as me in my apartment complex. I got stood up. Instead I got to listen to him doing the girl who lives next door to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 852

You deserved it 3 140

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

The Top

Today, my boyfriend ignored my multiple texts for almost five hours. I was panicking and about to call the police when he finally replied, saying he was building a snow igloo. Am I dating a third grader? FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 879

Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 287

You deserved it 13 442

Today, I told my boyfriend I had to go to the bathroom. He said, "Okay baby, go drop your load." He also used the same voice as when he talks to his cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 677

You deserved it 4 507

Today, I was in a meeting with my boss and superiors as well as our clients. About two hours in I started playing with the lid of the pen I was using, next thing I saw was the lid flicking up and hitting my boss square in the middle of the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 962

You deserved it 28 744

Today, I gave my boyfriend a choice between me and the super creepy, codependent, almost Norman Bates relationship he has with his mother. Guess which he chose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 506

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was making a list of things to do tomorrow while faking an orgasm when I realize my boyfriend had finished about two minutes ago. He's pissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 694

You deserved it 69 192