Animals: Today, my dog chewed up my $120 dildo. Goodbye, sex life. FML - FML

By Anonymous - 26/06/2016 12:22 - Australia - West End

Spicy

Today, my dog chewed up my $120 dildo. Goodbye, sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 524

You deserved it 5 541

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Same thing different taste

Hungry boi

By jesstracy - 04/10/2017 09:00 - United States - Naperville

Spicy

Today, I took my dog to the emergency vet at 4 in the morning because he ate something he shouldn't have. I spent hundreds of dollars on tests, all to find out he'll pass it. What did he eat? My silicon strap-on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 929

You deserved it 1 230

By BrokenVow - 30/07/2009 12:02 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my mom came into my room to have a heart-to-heart talk. My dildo was sitting on the nightstand. I didn't notice until she told me to make sure the dog didn't get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 992

You deserved it 53 821

Oh no.

By Anonymous - 07/01/2018 01:30

Spicy

Today, while cleaning out my daughter's closet, I found my missing dildo. It's a mold of my husband's penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 418

You deserved it 1 672

Doggy dog world

By FidoForever - 20/06/2017 22:00

Spicy

Today, my wife and I had to rush our dog to the vet for a $700 emergency surgery. The x-ray showed that he had eaten a vibrating cock ring. I've never bought or owned one, so now I've got to deal with the vet bill and lawyer's fees for my soon-to-be ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 992

You deserved it 635

Isn't there somebody you forgot to ask?

By poopface82 - 06/08/2025 02:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, my fiancee and I had sex. Evidently, our dog didn’t consent because he destroyed my ear bud and tried to destroy my only pair of glasses during the act. FML

I agree, your life sucks 316

You deserved it 127

By Anonymous - 01/12/2014 17:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 796

You deserved it 15 224

By Cedar Buero - 05/03/2017 19:00 - United States - Cape Girardeau

Today, my dog thought it would be a good idea to use my phone as a chew toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 415

You deserved it 690

By PCJJacket - 05/05/2014 17:30 - United States - Los Angeles

Spicy

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 241

You deserved it 26 176

By Lilah - 19/02/2012 00:29 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was showing off my sexy new lingerie set to my boyfriend. While we were getting frisky, he got really into things and ripped it completely off my body, destroying it. It cost me $110. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 933

You deserved it 19 544

Old prude

By Anonymous - 25/09/2023 22:00

Spicy

Today, my dumbass self left my DIY dildo on the sink and my mom found it and threw it away. She called me a whore, who'll be "fucking around with a new partner each night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 332

Next

Top comments

melaniaeviania 7

Monday 27 June 2016 1:30

Dang that's an expensive *****!

Tripartita 44

Monday 27 June 2016 1:29

Hello magical vibrating dog!

Comments

jmbast126 2

Friday 1 July 2016 6:23

Get some dick.

LevelupKid 8

Tuesday 5 July 2016 4:52

You do realize that you had no sex life if all you had was a ***** right?

GirlKillerBadger 9

Sunday 10 July 2016 20:55

just get a man lmao

dickgamestrong 9

Wednesday 13 July 2016 16:33

look at the bright side, that's two things you turned on!

Cynakill 11

Tuesday 9 August 2016 8:32

Maybe the dog was jealous.

Ddudug 7

Monday 12 September 2016 8:14

Maybe your dog doesn't enjoy it as much as you thought think he does.

Bryce Birge 5

Friday 2 June 2017 6:53

ances are that if you have a $120 ***** you didn't have a sex life in the first place

Jeremy Phillips 18

Sunday 8 July 2018 0:47

If you were that reliant on a ***** you didn’t have a sex life to begin with.

J15237 25

Thursday 21 November 2019 4:50

First off I hope that ***** gave you mind blowing orgasms. But seriously why good bye sex life? Its a lot of money,but really? A bit much if you as me.

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The Top

Today, we got a new dry-erase board, and I drew the Gotham City skyline complete with the Bat Signal. Later, I went downstairs, only to find my mom had written "BATMAN'S GAY" over the top of the picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 893

You deserved it 10 599

Today, I found out that I didn't get a job because I failed the psychological analysis. It told me to answer each question and tell the truth. So I did. I asked my friend, who got the job, if she told the truth. She said no. Apparently you have to lie in order to get a job. Sorry for being honest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 525

You deserved it 7 881

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I agree, your life sucks 33 027

You deserved it 3 100

Today, at the one job interview I got after months of applying, I was rejected for what turned out to be a phone customer service role, because I "wasn't technical enough." Previously I worked as a website developer and I have a computer science degree. FML

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You deserved it 101

Today, my boss left a lovely invitation to her wedding on my desk. I plan on resigning during our meeting later today. FML

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You deserved it 255

Today, I just realized that my Sims character has a far more stable lifestyle than what I can ever have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 686

You deserved it 237