Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about...

By Anonymous - 12/04/2013 15:34 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 568

You deserved it 11 828

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Same thing different taste

By thetalkingvagina - 09/06/2010 11:34 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 938

You deserved it 18 544

Turn off

By no no no - 21/03/2023 02:00

Today, my boyfriend decided to "spice up sex" by talking like an anime character. We had to stop after the line, "Your vagina will crumble before the power of my Hypercock!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 141

You deserved it 321

By Wawawiwa - 21/07/2010 23:44 - Namibia

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. After removing my underwear, he started singing "In the jungle, the mighty jungle..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 852

You deserved it 53 790

No gods, no masters

By anon - 31/07/2015 20:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 403

You deserved it 34 780

Gamers rise up

By jokersgirl - 21/05/2019 04:00

Today, my boyfriend and I had the wildest sex we'd ever had. I was on top of him and started going at it like crazy. I was close to finishing when the Mortal Kombat phrase "FINISH HIM!" popped into my head. It wasn't until I saw a weird look on his face that I realized I'd said it out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 356

You deserved it 907

Not now, Yoda

By iwassoclose - 10/04/2013 16:32 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I told him I was close to having an orgasm. He smirked and started talking like Yoda, saying, "Strong with the cum, this one is." Orgasm gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 812

You deserved it 8 816

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 346

You deserved it 2 779

Valid reason

By stephhh055 - 21/10/2019 16:00 - United States - Portland

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend for the first time, he told me he wanted to break up. He told me my orgasm face wasn't something he could put up with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 531

You deserved it 275

Repetition

By Fuck - 25/02/2015 21:39 - United States - Fowler

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 811

You deserved it 4 453

Creepy

By Anonymous - 28/09/2012 21:22 - Canada

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said, "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 064

You deserved it 51 021

Harpy20 24

Friday 12 April 2013 19:04

"I was born in darkness..."

JustKittyKat 24

Friday 12 April 2013 19:04

Why haven't you closed your legs yet? I feel as if this implies that OP is laying there with her legs open as her boyfriend plays bane with her ****** mask.

Comments

lovelyohhmee 8

Saturday 13 April 2013 2:33

Well at least you can direct your attention to your comments now lol

amifaiyaz 12

Saturday 13 April 2013 2:45

He probably thought it was, and that you came already. Next time, tell him when you're about to reach your peak, and hold him against you lest he tries 'enhancing' things.

quentin9210 3

Saturday 13 April 2013 3:09

maby because your on your phone instead of sucking his dick....

kurodansei 16

Saturday 13 April 2013 3:20

You think the uterus is your ally? you merely adopted it. I was born in it. molded by it.

chinagirl3343 8

Saturday 13 April 2013 3:22

Exactly how old are you two? Sounds like you're waaaay to young for sex.

Axel5238 29

Saturday 13 April 2013 4:04

FYL OP, lotta guys this stuff like this is funny, especially earl to mid twenty somethings. Look at the average intelligence of the people posting meme's that's where stuff like this comes from.