Miscellaneous Today, I woke up with my face sharpied. I live alone. FML

Funnymann - 22/01/2010 20:51 - United States

Today, I woke up with my face sharpied. I live alone. FML

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Anonymous - 20/10/2016 13:17 - United Kingdom - Maidstone

Today, I woke up to find my face covered in scratches, some of them bleeding. I was rather puzzled, as I don't have a cat. Then I realised that the feathers in my pillow had stuck out and scratched my face. I was attacked by my own pillow. FML

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Amy - 10/05/2012 19:14 - Canada - Prince George

Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML

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Anonymous - 10/07/2019 16:00

Today, I woke up with a carpet burn. From sleeping. Alone. In my bed. FML

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argh - 20/03/2012 08:16 - United States - Houston

Today, I woke up to the faint memory of being drunk enough to draw dicks on my own face in permanent marker. FML

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permanently scarred - 25/08/2018 15:00

Today, I was assaulted and knocked out by a girl at school for talking to her boyfriend. I woke up in the emergency room. After she knocked me unconscious, she took a knife and carved her initials into my face. FML

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Girl-of-very-little-brain - 29/12/2011 12:01 - Canada

Today, I woke up at midnight crying, stood up to turn on the lights and face-planted into my wall. FML

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Anonymous - 13/05/2009 20:15 - Canada

Today, I woke up after a night of partying and went to the bathroom. That’s when I realized that after passing out with my shoes on last night, my friends decided use a black sharpie and play “connect the dots” with my acne. FML

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Self report

Bonk - 04/02/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, my clumsiness reached a whole level when I hit myself in the face with a hammer hard enough for blood to come out. FML

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HomeAlone - 24/04/2016 04:45 - United States

Today, I went into the bathroom and got angry upon finding that once again, no one had bothered to put on a new roll of toilet paper. And then I remembered that I live alone. FML

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Hayleey_079 - 18/02/2010 14:22 - United Kingdom

Today, a picture fell off of the wall in the middle of the night. It hit me smack bang in the middle of face. FML

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luvuall 0

Friday 22 January 2010 23:15

It was Jigglypuff

susieKiute 0

Friday 22 January 2010 23:09

paranormal activity?

Badboy6 5

Saturday 23 January 2010 9:09

lol thats scary

EveryDayJackAss 0

Saturday 23 January 2010 9:19

The first assumption would be some crazed and obsessed female, a prepubescent jackass, or a hobo. Whoever it is, KILL THEM!!!!!!!! with whiteout! ^_^

shrike279 0

Saturday 23 January 2010 11:00

u probaly got drunk and sharpied yourself O.o

manstie 1

Saturday 23 January 2010 15:40

You shouldn't listen to the magical sharpie in your dreams...

ruby_slippers 0

Saturday 23 January 2010 15:52

It must have been Jigglypuff.

jaffdude 0

Saturday 23 January 2010 15:56

So that's where he was...

a1b2c3d4e5f6 0

Saturday 23 January 2010 16:20

Dude. If you're going to draw on yourself, don't complain.

fishrocker 0

Saturday 23 January 2010 17:34

wow fake.

abbeyrios 0

Saturday 23 January 2010 22:39

did u drink a little to much alcohol the previous night??

mmidget 0

Saturday 23 January 2010 22:40

haha I litrally rofled! haha

mmidget 0

Saturday 23 January 2010 22:43

the sharpie mans after you! hint* he looks like a big sharpie pen! fight him off with papermate! haha

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I found out that the only reason my boyfriend got a job was so that he could buy weed. FML

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Today, I got detention from my teacher for not handing an assignment in. It would be understandable if I hadn't handed it in a week before it was due. She won't listen to reason. FML

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Today, I know my clothing size and the clothes I buy usually fit me. Except for underwear. How come women’s panties always seem to be at least one size smaller than advertised? FML

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Today, I told my best friend she looked great in the dress she was wearing. My boyfriend overheard and is now convinced I'm a lesbian. FML

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Today, the handle on our front door broke, leaving us unable to open it. We got a guy to come to sort it out, but all he succeeded in doing was completely wrecking the door. He says he can come back next week. We have no other way out of the house. FML

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Today, after a grueling business trip, my husband and I came home to all our furniture broken, every window smashed, all the floors scratched and carpets ripped, all our electronics stolen, and all our food and booze gone. What happened? Our son held a party and invited literally everyone he could from campus. FML

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